To worry that I might get pregnant and be really upset about it!

[eggsnmarmite]

I'm 36 and have a beautiful 3 month old baby boy and two children aged 9 and 11. I absolutely don't want any more children for so many reasons, not least so I can give my all to this very precious baby. I breastfed my other two until they were over two years old and want to do the same for this baby.

DP is in the army and has been away for over 6 weeks. When he got back I told him we would have to be careful as I had a period two weeks ago - despite feeding baby day and night. To cut a long story short he didn't use anything - thought he was going to pullout as we had spoken about it, but he didn't!

I suffer from anxiety and I am terrified I will get pregnant as I had a period two days ago. I went straight in the shower. I told him how upset I am but it's too late. I can't get the morning after pill as I'm breastfeeding.

Please tell me that despite having a period two weeks ago, my age, my breastfeeding a 3 month old day and night will make it very unlikely.

I'm going to insist that DP uses condoms now. But in the mean time I'm so upset and worried.

I couldn't cope having two babies so close and my milk drying up before my darling boy is even 9 months old would break my heart.

I'm so upset :'(

EC is fine with breastfeeding and whilst I don't usually give medical advice on here this would be a good time to say that I'm a GP with a special interest in contraception.

That should say levonelle EC. not sure about ulipiristal.

What's done is done. How fertile are you normally?

I think thread shows that people need to gen up on contraception and be aware that if they are willing to take a risk, however small, they could end up with an unwanted pregnancy. Forgetting one pill and doing nothing to cover yourself in that event is just careless. The pill instruction leaflets are very comprehensive and people should be following them to the letter. They even mention diarrhoea and the need to use condoms if there is a risk you haven't absorbed the pill properly. I don't have any sympathy with people who have lax contraceptive practices and who become anxious about a possible pregnancy or who end up having an abortion because of it, I really don't. If you take a risk, however small, you must surely KNOW there is a chance a pregnancy could be the result?

OP, sounds like you were unaware that once you've had a period while breastfeeding that you are not covered for contraception. The hospital usually gives you contraception advice on leaving the hospital after giving birth so I'm not sure why you didn't realise this.

But I second the advice to get the MAP. If you 100% don't want another baby and you aren't suitable for the coil, then this is what you need to do, surely?

Withdrawal is fine if used properly.

No it isn't!!! Although precum is produced outside the testicles and is less likely to contain sperm, it most certainly can.

I know, Gwenci! Unfortunately some teachers in Catholic schools are still advocating this as a form of contraception. I've seen and heard this at first hand. Absolutely shocking in this day and age!

The people claiming what has happened is sexual assault need to fuck off! How fucking insulting! 
^ this. I agree. Lots of couples have agreed that's what would happen and have got carried away (it feels nice you know?) sexual assault my arse. They're both responsible, With a regular partner you can tell when they're about to climax. It's a joint responsibility.
Longer term if you really don't want more children one of you should consider sterilisation though the coil suggestions above sound sensible.

Chatnanny
No what's insulting is to tell the op she is responsible for the actions of her husband.
She only agreed to sex if he didn't ejaculate inside her. He chose to do this against he will. She would not have consented to sex if she'd known he would do this.
I don't know when my partner is about to orgasm and we've been together 10 years.
He's not an out of control animal he chose to this to her body against her will. And she's the one suffering the consequences not him.
Op get a MAP and then don't have penetrative sex until he starts to respect your body and is willing to use contraception.

I don't wish to sound rude but almost every poster has given you the same advice and told you what thy think and you are coming up with reasons why you want or won't do it.

What do you want someone to say to you?

Either take the advice or wait two weeks and see if you are pregnant or not?

In your situation I would oot for the copper coil.

Then have it taken straight out.

I wouldn't be needed further contraception with a man like that.

Withdrawel is perfectly fine if you track your periods and don't mind a small risk - and it is small. In my previous relationship (4 years) we used that as the main form of contraception and no problem, and he never had any problems with getting so carried away in the moment! What a crock. Even when highly aroused you still have self awareness! That said, if not having another child is a really big deal then you probably want something else - what about a vasectomy? There is no need for you to take all the responsibility.

But the "withdrawal method" doesn't actually work by itself as a stand alone method if you also have to track periods and ovulation - that's the rhythm / natural family planning method, isn't it?
Withdrawal is clearly not reliable if it won't prevent pregnancy during the fertile window.

Thanks for all your posts and support. It really helped reading them.

I spent all of yesterday trying to get an emergency coil fitted only to discover this is impossible over the weekend. Emergency GP said I have until Tuesday if I opt for the coil. 111 gave me an address for a walk in centre, which my friend is taking me to tomorrow (for support and baby care if needed). I opted for this over the pill because aftet tonnes of research and talking to breastfeeding supporters, I found out that there is a small chance it could wipe out my supply. Plus it is only 86% effective vs 99% with the coil.

I have a retroverted uterus so it might be tricky to fit. I'm hoping that won't be a problem and that I might end up with a a reliable, workable form of contraception in place.

Am dreading the fitting though. But that serves me right I suppose for allowing the risk to happen in the first place. I feel incredibly irresponsible.

I'll let you know how I get on tomorrow. 111 GP assured me I should be able to get it fitted tomorrow, even with a wonky cervix.

What. An. Idiot though. :'(.

hope all goes well OP

So your approach to contraception was for him to pull out? Really?

Don't worry, retroverted uteruses aren't uncommon. They'll just angle the inserter slightly differently. Copper coils are easier to insert that Mirenas anyway IMHO.

Best of luck

Antifrank -

As a one off, late at night after he had been away and barely contactable for 6 weeks, while I'm exclusively breastfeeding, when it's80 to 96% effective if done correctly - yes.

I was told by the GP at the post-natal check that LAM was as effective as condoms. He even used my chance of getting pregnant whilst exclusively demand feeding as "next to nothing".

If we had communicated better and he had withdrawn, I would not be going for an emergancy coil tomorrow. We would have found time to discuss and it.

RedLemonade - That's very reassuring. I almost had one fitted about 3 years ago but my GP refused to fit it and sent me to someone who was more experienced. She doesn't do many fittings. I went on the mini pill instead. I told the 111 GP this and she was actually experienced in fitting coils and said the place she advised me to go to would specialise in fitting them and get on much better than my GP would. Hope she's right.

I'm afraid that your GP was very irresponsible to tell you that - but this is academic. You had had a period so you knew that your fertility had returned.

I'm glad you're sorted, anyway.

Hope it goes well, OP.

"I was told by the GP at the post-natal check that LAM was as effective as condoms. He even used my chance of getting pregnant whilst exclusively demand feeding as "next to nothing"."

Fucking idiot GP.

Anyway I'm glad you have a plan to get the coil fitted tomorrow, and yes a clinic where they do it all the time will be much better than a GP.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, at least you're doing something about it now and taking responsibility unlike your twat of a partner.

I hope it goes well, OP. But you need to talk to your partner. He's already gearing up to blaming you if you're pregnant as he's said he wants no part in your decisions.

I was told by the GP at the post-natal check that LAM was as effective as condoms. He even used my chance of getting pregnant whilst exclusively demand feeding as "next to nothing"

I've heard that about LAM as well - that it's generally very effective provided certain conditions are met.

The major caveat with LAM though, is that it can only be considered a contraceptive before periods return, and of course the major problem with that, is that you'll ovulate and be fertile about a fortnight before the first period after baby's born. And you'll have no way of knowing that first ovulation has happened until you either get a period or get a positive result on a pregnancy test.

So LAM really shouldn't be the only form of contraception for a couple who don't want to risk another pregnancy soon after giving birth. That's something that a GP should make very clear when advising women about post natal contraception options.

OP says that her baby is three months. Having been told at the six week check that she was basically protected, OP must have then ovulated at some point between eight and twelve weeks post-partum. I'd be furious at such misinformation.

FannyWincham - not excusing my recklessness, his words did give me a false sense of confidence that I was protected. In fact DP said that's why he was confused and didn't pull out. I might mention something to my normal GP.