To not give up our bedroom or DD's for guests

[5FeetOfWater]

We live in a small 3-bed. We have 1 bedroom, DD (15months) has another and the 3rd is an office/storage room. There's also a double sofa bed in the lounge but it's open plan with the kitchen so not ideal.

We usually give up our bedroom and sleep in with DD as there's a double bed in her room (it used to be guestroom). But I'm sick of all the work this entails- moving all our stuff, changing bedlinen, deep cleaning en-suites then changing it all back a few days later And then disrupted sleep as we wake DD up sleeping in her room. She's just started sleeping through in her own room and backtracks when we have guests.

I think we should explain situation to potential guests, offer them the office/storage room if they don't mind a campbed, and suggest they book a hotel if they want a proper bed.

Guests are mainly family members and close friends. I want to be able to enjoy visits instead of hours spent cleaning and swapping rooms around. But DH loves having guests and thinks IABVU.

AIBU?

No one is listening.
The lady said the child has just started sleeping through the night and to move her will disrupt her routine and cause havoc when the guests have gone.

Put them in the office. Or sofa bed downstairs.
You are not a hotel. they just need a clean place to sleep.

Here's my tuppence worth. If you have such frequent visits, it really makes sense to a more established guest room. Whether you use it as the baby's room in between times or as the office is your decision. But that would cut down on the work and hassle. I think your DH is entitled to have guests and you should take his feelings into account.

Does everyone have the money to rent a hotel room when they visit relatives? I don't live in the UK, so that is a serious question.

I'm listening and can read Zandra. I understand the baby is sleeping through, which is a recent event. If the rooms arent swapped around, op has a whole year of being rude to guests - that's if they even find a house in that timescale. I stand by what I said. You seem to be glossing over the fact that the baby has an ensuite bedroom with double bed all to themselves. I also understand that the smaller room is all the way down the corridor and in a small 3 bed house. That's another thing, which doesn't make sense. It can't be more than a few paces further unless op lives in a Tardis. Op sounds really precious and inflexible. Perhaps she isn't cut out to have guests. Some of her comments are a bit strange.

Atenco . I wouldn't visit guests if I had to stay in a hotel. It would be too cosfly. I spend a lot of our money on my health and I'm slowly getting better (nhs doesn't provide the sort of healthcare I need) so spare cash isn't an option. The only time we do that is when we have rented a holiday cottage, which we have done near relatives, who live by the sea as if we want a family holiday,we wouldn't stay with these relatives for a week. It would be an unfair imposition. We do stay with them for a few nights.

If I had a third bedroom that fit a double mattress, that is where I would put them, and let them use either the third bathroom or ensure as their own. As long as there is clean bedding and towels I think you have done your job in providing hospitality!

So every time you have a guest coming you scrub the floors and walls in the bathroom, replace your own things with "guest toiletries" and remove "all traces of the previous occupants"?

Reading that back, does it not sound obsessive to you, OP?

You seem to be glossing over the fact that the baby has an ensuite bedroom with double bed all to themselves

The ensuite isn't really relevant. It just came with the house (yes it's a newbuild and I would much rather have storage space than 3 bathrooms, but I didn't design the floor-plan).
Wouldn't most people put their child in the nicer room with more play space, rather than keep it empty for guests? I admit we didn't think it through at the time, it just seemed natural to give DD the bigger brighter room since she lives here.

Maybe deep-cleaning is obsessive but I cringe at the thought of a guest finding a hair in the shower or toothpaste marks on the tiles.
And I think a guest basket with new mini toiletries looks more welcoming than half used family bottles. Or maybe that's just me?

TBH I don't think I'm suited to having guests at all but I have to compromise as DH thinks differently. I'm only comfortable with siblings (mine and his) and very close friends staying and this is mainly because they are happy to sleep in the office on a blow-up bed. When my brother first visited he had DD's room but on subsequent visits has insisted on sleeping in the office (either because he's being kind or maybe he prefers it).

How much room has the baby got to play with if it is full of a double bed and a cot?!?

Look, you clearly don't like having guests and this is all just a smoke screen.

Staying on a blow up mattress is pretty shit, especially when there is a spare double bed going! You could at least move the real mattress to the floor of the study!

Either have guests, and have them graciously. Or be honest that you hate it and your anxiTly goes into overdrive and refuse to have them.

I think it's entirely reasonable to not like having people staying in your home. I hate having guests or being a guest - it makes me anxious and grumpy. But I do get that many people don't feel like me.

Hmm, never thought of it that way. Yet I know he won't say that. He doesn't believe in directing family/friends to a hotel. I find the whole experience of hosting stressful and draining since DD's arrival (not just the preparation) and would be delighted if they booked a place nearby and let us have our own space. Maybe on some subconscious level I'm trying to indicate to guests we don't have space at the moment i.e. presenting our bedroom as a spotless guest room.

Perhaps I'd mind guests less if I lived somewhere with more space. But we're in London and quite cramped. Whenever we've given up our bedroom for guests (eg my parents) - which seems to me the least stressful solution - they've made a big deal about 'putting us out', which makes me feel uncomfortable and judged for not having a spare room. I hate it!

Why don't you put your dc in your room with you and guests in her room

Why do you have guests so often OP? Is it unavoidable? It's sounds very stressful when you don't enjoy the experience.

You do sound quite anxious - I understand as I was like this when mine were young. But your standards are very high.

How big a space is the office? Have you checked out all options for a more comfy bed if you feel camp bed's not sufficient? - there are some very good blow-up mattresses which might come in handy in years to come e.g. for sleepovers.

Personally, I think I'd offer own bed as a courtesy to older guests, but otherwise, the sisters seem happy with camp bed from what you say.

I think most people would not expect hosts to be turfed out of their own room if there is an alternative "spare" room. Unless they are old/frail

"Wouldn't most people put their child in the nicer room with more space, rather than keep it empty for guests?"

Dd is 8. I already said she doesn't have the bigger guest room with ensuite yet. Same deal when brother and I were kids - we had the smaller bedrooms. Same deal with my friends kids. I don't know who you associate with but friends I know have a good sized room for guests because we want to welcome guests.

There is no way that I would make the bright, big room as the office and put a baby in a small pokey room just so guests can have better facilities every 6-8 weeks. Fuck that. Your child is resident 24/7 so deserves the big bright room. Why on earth would you give up your bedroom? That is just insane. Guests either sleep on a blow up bed in the office or else they can check into paid accommodation. You have a young baby - you have enough to be doing than cleaning bathrooms, changing sheets, moving clothes etc.

As for your DH - if he wants guests, then HE does all the work. Works long hours is not an excuse. Either he uses up his annual leave to prepare the home for these guests or he gives up sleep / spare time for preparing or you don't have them. End of story.

Mummy that sounds mad to me - you'd leave the nicest bedroom room empty most of the time while your children had inferior rooms just so guests could feel welcome a few days per month, or even less frequently?

What message does that send your children? I assume you'll say it's a lesson about putting others first - but it sounds like a lesson in being put last, which is rather a different thing!

5more. We will probably give dd the bigger bedroom when she's a bit older. Her bedroom is big enough to get a wardrobe, bed and small desk in it so it's not tiny. I wouldn't let her sleep in a box room at her age but would have when dd was a baby to allow for guests coming. Guests often come as a couple and with dcs so it's nice to give them a double bed with wardrobe etc. Dd doesn't need an ensuite until she starts showering herself - she will need help for some time to come because of her very thick, long hair and she doesn't need a bigger bedroom yet because she's never in there as she's too sociable. She has a daybed, which pulls out into a big bed and this will stay there when she changes rooms. We will buy her a new bed when the time comes.

I find having guests very stressful too. I don't think any of you should be moving rooms when you have guests. Put them on the sofa bed in the lounge in future, and hopefully it'll put them off coming back too often. Stop spoiling the buggers - it only encourages them! :-)

I agree DH could prepare but he should be allowed to prepare as he sees fit then, not compelled to empty and deep clean the rooms. I also think taht yes, changing sheets etc is more work on top of the everyday, but that is what you do if you want to be welcoming. You put yourself out up to a point. Not having guests because it causes you a bit of extra work is fair enough, but it is unwelcoming and will change relationships.

Obviously if mental or physical health problems mean that hosting causing you excessive strain that is different. If at all possible be honest where taht is the case.

When I have a guest stay over, DH changes the bed. And that's it. Other than laying out a towel and telling people to help themselves to toiletries, there's nothing else that needs doing.

Put them up on the sofa bed downstairs. They get access to dd bathroom the next morning.

Get one of those for the office room:

www.studybed.co.uk

OK, so even if guests sleep in the office/ spare bedroom, they'd still have exclusive use of the family bathroom. So you could actually leave that permanently set up as a guest bathroom for day and overnight visitors, and just make sure it's clean- no need to empty stuff out.

How big is the office/ spare bedroom, and how much office furniture does it house? Is there anything which could be moved out of there to allow you to move the spare bed in? Could you invest in efficient storage so that space is not wasted? Does anybody actually have to work in there when guests visit?

I think your DH would be unreasonable to insist that guests sleep in either your room or DD's if there is a perfectly serviceable room with a bed in it.

Interesting bed glowfrog but op doesn't want to spend any money on furniture either as they may possibly move.