To not give up our bedroom or DD's for guests

[5FeetOfWater]

We live in a small 3-bed. We have 1 bedroom, DD (15months) has another and the 3rd is an office/storage room. There's also a double sofa bed in the lounge but it's open plan with the kitchen so not ideal.

We usually give up our bedroom and sleep in with DD as there's a double bed in her room (it used to be guestroom). But I'm sick of all the work this entails- moving all our stuff, changing bedlinen, deep cleaning en-suites then changing it all back a few days later And then disrupted sleep as we wake DD up sleeping in her room. She's just started sleeping through in her own room and backtracks when we have guests.

I think we should explain situation to potential guests, offer them the office/storage room if they don't mind a campbed, and suggest they book a hotel if they want a proper bed.

Guests are mainly family members and close friends. I want to be able to enjoy visits instead of hours spent cleaning and swapping rooms around. But DH loves having guests and thinks IABVU.

AIBU?

If you regularly have guests, I would give dd the smallest room long term. She won't need a larger room for quite some time and you can review this then. This is how we work it with dd, she's 8. When a child goes to secondary, it becomes really useful to have a desk and you can review it then. We may give dd the bigger room when she goes to secondary.

It isn't relevant yet as your DD is so young, but I must say that as a child I really resented the fact I was absolutely always the one who had to give up my room and sleep on the office floor when my parents had guests. I did have several siblings, and there were reasons why my room was considered the most appropriate one to give to guests, but it still really rankled, especially as one regular guest smoked in my room (parents asked her not to but came over all helpless about it when she still did and claimed it was fine as she opened the window) and another was very unpleasant to me (but had to be invited to stay frequently as he was a close relative).

I never make my kids vacate their rooms for relatives, but handily all my kids have unsuitable bed set ups (bunks and mid sleepers etc) A vacant double does give the "adults are more important than children" type visitor huge scope to feel entitled to the child's room when they visit and hugely offended when not given what they see as their right as an adult guest...

We never give up our room or our DD's for guests. Having said that, all our friends are the same and most of us tend to sleep squashed into the spare room or on airbeds in lounge. Even if you give up a room, you can't give them total privacy as there's always something you need to go into the room for.

I don't think I know anyone who comes and feels "entitled" and I don't know any kids who resent it, my daughter certainly doesn't and my friends kids clearly don't, because they socialise with us and I always ask them privately.

I think you've made more work out of it then it needs to be.

Bluntness well they wouldn't tell you would they! I knew bloody well as a kid I had to hang out with the guests and that I'd have faced the gloomy "disappointment" of my parents for weeks after (and had it brought up for the rest of my time under their roof every time overnight guests were expected) if they'd got wind of me admitting to the guests that I minded giving up my room! I'm not sure I ever really explained it to my parents, beyond asking why it was never my siblings who had to give up their rooms and being told the reasons and then told to "be a good host" and be "gracious".

I wouldn't move out of my bedroom for guests.

Assuming DD's bedroom is bigger than the office/storage room, I would consider swapping them so that you can use the spare room as an office and guest room. Put the sofa bed in there. And see if you can declutter and/or put the storage elsewhere.

You are going over the top with your cleaning and moving. If it is family and friends, just tell them that you want to go in and get stuff and they should be OK. Just clean en-suite, change bedding, dust and hoover. Relax a little bit more.

Surely the sensible thing would be to have the baby in with you

I give up my room when I have guests as the sofa bed in my sitting room is incredibly uncomfortable. I'm too lazy to do much cleaning most of the time, so the thorough going over it gets when I have guests is a Good Thing and I'm pleased I've done it once the guests have gone and I return to my own room.

As an aside, a deep clean - isn't that the kind of thing you might have to do at the end of a tenancy, or at the very most once a year or so? Seems a bit excessive to me.

can you fit a small sofa bed in the office/study?

I have one in my box room/study and DB's PIL's have a small sofa bed in their office/study too (bigger than my box room but wider if that makes sense).

also fold away desks, fold up chairs etc can make life easier in office/study.

He works long hours so can't help much.

Well then he needs to take a day off then.

you are the hostess with the leastest! make DH do it, I work really long hours but there exists weekends and evenings

poor guests!

There's nothing worse than feeling unwelcome.
Friends won't expect your place to be like a hotel, all they'll expect is to spend quality time with you. A nice meal, bottle of wine and scrambled eggs in the morning goes a long way.

Blimey love, you're not running a B&B! When we stay at my db and sils, we live out of suitcases for a couple of nights...job done! Either bring dd in with you and let them have the double bed in her room or set up the office with a small sofa bed. I'm sure your guests will be happy with a bed and the use of a normally cleaned bathroom with a wet wipe

It's actually considered incredibly bad form to give your own bedroom to a guest. At least according to my childhood nanny.

Why on earth do you need to move all your things? Just warn them 'hey is it OK if I go in the bedroom to get dressed now?'. I have never heard of people moving all their stuff out of a room when guests stay. And guests keep their clothes in their suitcase - why would they unpack and put everything in your drawers/wardrobes (unless they are staying for a month of course )?

Since when were we supposed to empty our wardrobes etc for guests? When my friends/family visit they get the spare room, which is also my pretend walk-in wardrobe. I don't move any clothes/products. Tidy them yes but I would never gut the room, DH and I live out of our suitcases when we visit others and we expect our guests to do the same.

5more, no they don't have to hang out with us, the kids can go out, none of us force our teens to stay in when we Socialise , we let the kids make that decision themselves, they can go out with their mates if they want.

These are all kids I know well, so I'm confident they don't have issues. Plus we are a bit party animalish so seldom go to bed before three, the kids have use of their rooms all night if they wish, we are also up by about nine, and the kids can go back in their rooms at any time and do whatever they wish. It's their rooms,

Also as teenagers, they all get on well and tend to camp out in the second living room, they blow up three air mattresses them selves and go to bed when they are ready, all in the one room. As my daughter is the only girl she is the only one to pack an over night bag with her stuff for the morning in it when it's our house, the boys all don't bother, they just go into their rooms and get their stuff as and when needed. Many times I've been lying in bed and whomever room it is has come in and got whatever he needs and left. No biggie, but we have all known each other for years.

Don't your guests feel very awkward when you give up the master bedroom for them? I would.

If a campbed fits into your office/storage then that's the perfect solution for guests. To make it nicer, you could just ensure that stuff is put away and the room looks pleasant. As a guest, I've also slept on sofa beds in open-plan areas but agree that it can be a bit awkward.

You're not a hotel, your dh is right. DD will learn to sleep through sometime, and if you start her off in her room and then move her very gently and quietly she may not wake at all. You don't need to move her things out of her room except for what you might put in a changing bag for overnight. The rest of the time you can use her room, go in get stuff etc as much as you like. It's only when your guests are actually in there that you keep out. You're being a bit precious about it, tbh.

My parents would often move us in our sleep. We used to camp in the UK, and often my siblings and I would bed down in the parents' tent and they'd just pick us up in our sleeping bags and put us down in our tent. Same if they were visiting friends for the evening and couldn't get, or afford, a sitter. We'd go and play with the friend's children until bedtime, go to bed in sleeping bags in their children's room and when the parents left they'd just pick us up and put us in the car, when we got home they'd just pop us onto our beds, still in sleeping bags, for the rest of the night.

Get her used to this at an early age and you'll find it incredibly helpful many times in the future.

Blimey- why do you do all that?

Change bed, clear the top of the dressing table, quick whip round the bathroom. Done.

A collapsible clothes rail is handy if they're bringing clothes that need hanging up.

But I'm guessing this is about not wanting your pil to stay.......,

If it's this much drama, then just don't have guests. It's hardly fair to invite people over if you view them as just being a pain in the arse.

Woah, if he feels all that stuff needs to be done for guests, he should do it! That sounds incredibly excessive.