To not give up our bedroom or DD's for guests

[5FeetOfWater]

We live in a small 3-bed. We have 1 bedroom, DD (15months) has another and the 3rd is an office/storage room. There's also a double sofa bed in the lounge but it's open plan with the kitchen so not ideal.

We usually give up our bedroom and sleep in with DD as there's a double bed in her room (it used to be guestroom). But I'm sick of all the work this entails- moving all our stuff, changing bedlinen, deep cleaning en-suites then changing it all back a few days later And then disrupted sleep as we wake DD up sleeping in her room. She's just started sleeping through in her own room and backtracks when we have guests.

I think we should explain situation to potential guests, offer them the office/storage room if they don't mind a campbed, and suggest they book a hotel if they want a proper bed.

Guests are mainly family members and close friends. I want to be able to enjoy visits instead of hours spent cleaning and swapping rooms around. But DH loves having guests and thinks IABVU.

AIBU?

You need to split the preparation between you and your DH if you are doing all the cleaning and organising and it is draining your enthusiasm for having guests.

What is the point of having double bed in your child's room if no-one is going to sleep in it? You say you are in the process of getting rid or stuff, so get rid of that and then you really won't have a bed for them.

Out of nosiness, who are the guests and how often / how long do they stay?

Having people stay over when you really don't have enough room to make sure that everyone is comfortable is a bit impractical. This is a point I often make to my husband - he thinks everyone is happy to act like boys on rugby tour but now they are all in their thirties with 2+ children, they want somewhere sensible to sleep.

By the way, it is important that you and your child are comfortable as well as the guests.

Nah, if people want to stay at my house it's on the sofa or a blow up bed
No way am I moving my 2 year old or my baby (still cooking at the moment) in our room or anywhere else!

If your dh thinks guests must have a room then why hasn't he re-organised the other two rooms to accommodate this?
Stop doing all the work for him.

You don't need to give up your bedroom.
Guests can take the sofa bed - all you need to agree on is what time you will up for breakfast.

Until you've re-organised rooms i think you should just offer the sofa bed or the camp bed.
Your dh needs to do the work involved for his guests - if he can't then he should stop inviting them so often or at all.
Just stop playing martyr!

We quite often have family staying, depending who it is and kids etc but we give them our room when they have a baby or toddler. I change the bed and make sure my room is clean, also clean the ensuite but I don't move everything out of the bedroom. If I need anything I just go to my room and get it, or make sure we have what we need before we put the baby to bed etc.
Not sure why you have to remove everything from a room, surely these people who stay with you are close enough friends that you could go in and out when needed?

I would put camp bed up in office and use that for guests. Dd shouldn't have to be moved at her age to accommodate guests when there is ample space elsewhere-your guests don't like it then they can stay in hotel

Depends on the guests, really. We only offer up our bed when my mum and dad visit, because they have awful backs and need the firm mattress. All other guests make their own way wherever they please.

We don't give up our room for anyone, ever.

Yanbu at all.

I have given up my room in the past, but I wouldn't do it again. Far more sensible to put guests in a child's room, especially a baby's. You are being unreasonable by insisting that all that unnecessary work is done.

Can you just try to do it in one or other os the ways that have been suggested? You might feel less uncomfortable if you keep doing it. Force yourself, damp down that feeling and enjoy being with the people.

Sounds like you're over-preparing and making this harder than needs be - as a guest I wouldn't expect you to move all your stuff nor give up your bed come to that!

Among all those options I'd bring baby in with you, it's really not that difficult and you'd only need overnight supplies of nappies etc not all of them!

We've tried moving DD but she doesn't sleep well in the travel cot or in our room. And TBH I don't feel she should have to move rooms every time we have a guest. Her room is her familiar place and it took a lot of sleep training to get her to sleep through. I'm scared of messing with that! When we stay in hotels she tends to wake every 2 hours for reassurance. Also our bedroom is smaller, no space to store her things and difficult changing nappies.

You've all made me think carefully about layout- thanks and when we move house I'll set up the rooms differently. It will probably be to another 3-bed but hopefully with a lot more storage space and bigger rooms. So office can double up as a guest room with the spare bed/sofa bed in it or we might get rid of the spare bed. I agree the double bed isn't needed in baby room, it's only there from sleep training days and because there's no space anywhere else.

Good to know I don't need to create a blank canvas, I thought everyone did this for guests. Guess I need to relax over it!
My mum is quite fussy, likes space in wardrobe to hang all her clothes, empty drawers etc. I don't mind her seeing personal stuff though. She sometimes stays for a week. Other guests usually stay 2-3 nights but some have stayed a few weeks. I mind less about the cleaning/swapping rooms when it's a long visit! On average we have a guest every 6-8 weeks.

I have this image in my head of the perfect guest room and strive to create it each time- spotless, empty, lovely linen, free wardrobe, stack of fluffy blankets and towels. I have separate guest stuff leftover from pre-DC and everyone loved our guest room. I'm not great with guests (socially) so I felt the room made up for that. I suppose it's time to let go of that now!

Again with you op.

Hotels are for guests.

When are you moving?
It sounds as if you haven't actually found a house, let alone had an offer accepted, or exchange contracts?
Given that you have guests every 6-8 weeks I don't think you should wait until you've moved before reorganising.
Get rid of the double bed in DD's room now, you don't need it and won't need it in the new house either.
Then if there isn't space in the office for a small sofa bed (even after decluttering), swap around DD's room and the office so there is.
You are being completely unreasonable if you allow your mother to sleep in your bedroom for a week and object when it comes to other guests.

Just wanted to add that if I went to stay at a relatives or friends in a room I knew they usually slept in, and they had removed all their belongings I would feel really uncomfortable and odd about it, knowing they had gone to so much unnecessary trouble.
As others have said you really don't need to do this.

If you are having more often than once every 2 or 3 months I would definitely change the rooms around so dd gets the smaller room and her room becomes the office / guest room. Our DC used to share and our 3rd room was the office, when we split them up we gave ds1 the smaller room so he had his own space, but ds2 got the bigger room but had to vacate if DP is wfh.

What would be wrong with your mum or other guests sharing with your baby?

It really does seem like a heck of a lot of work and inconvenience to be giving up your room for guests, esp when they visit so often. And even more so for short spells of time.

I'd definitely put some thought into the office being multi purpose, sofa bed in the office. That is how my friend operated in a very similar setup.
I'd also think about future proofing for possible other children and your daughter moving out of the cot into a bed. My friends plan was for kids to share a room leaving the office / spare for guests.

Take DD into your double with you, grab anything you need during the night or for nappy changing. Put dh on the floor on an air/camp bed. If dd is unsettled during the night you are there to comfort her.

Let visitors sleep in DD room, they don't need drawers, they can live out of their suitcase. Go into DD's room during the day for whatever you need.

I'm not surprised you hate having guests when they are there that frequently, they stay for so long, and your expectations are that you transform part of your home into a hotel.

They're staying in your home - you're not running an Air B&B!

It does seem a bit bonkers having a spare bed that no one can sleep in but I suspect you decamping to the bed in your DD's room is much more disrupting than her moving into your room.

You sound very anxious about everything - it sounds really stressful :(

Anxious but also not willing to change anything

"I'm not surprised you hate having guests when they are there that frequently, they stay for so long,"

Every 6-8 weeks for 2-3 nights??

Bertrand She said her mum sometimes stays for a week and others have stayed even longer.

I'm still a bit mystified why the OP's DD sleeps better in her room with her parents in the double bed than she does in their room. I thought her not sleeping was about them all being in the same room.

Anyway, either you tell people to stay in a hotel or you chill out. What's happening now is making you miserable (and I can't imagine is that fun for your guests because it all sounds very tense)

I will never understand why people put babies in double bedrooms in the first place. What's the point? The room then becomes unusable for guests because the parents don't want to disrupt baby and the guests are bound to feel unwelcome jammed into a study on a camp bed or (as in another recent mumsnet post) in the attic among the Christmas decorations and camping equipment.

Why do people do this?