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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give up our bedroom or DD's for guests

185 replies

5FeetOfWater · 04/11/2016 08:59

We live in a small 3-bed. We have 1 bedroom, DD (15months) has another and the 3rd is an office/storage room. There's also a double sofa bed in the lounge but it's open plan with the kitchen so not ideal.

We usually give up our bedroom and sleep in with DD as there's a double bed in her room (it used to be guestroom). But I'm sick of all the work this entails- moving all our stuff, changing bedlinen, deep cleaning en-suites then changing it all back a few days later Angry And then disrupted sleep as we wake DD up sleeping in her room. She's just started sleeping through in her own room and backtracks when we have guests.

I think we should explain situation to potential guests, offer them the office/storage room if they don't mind a campbed, and suggest they book a hotel if they want a proper bed.

Guests are mainly family members and close friends. I want to be able to enjoy visits instead of hours spent cleaning and swapping rooms around. But DH loves having guests and thinks IABVU.

AIBU?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 04/11/2016 10:39

Is there any way you could fit a sofa-bed into the office?
That way guests could have somewhere to sleep and you wouldn't need to decamp.
If not then you are still NBU, as it sounds like DH likes people coming but doesn't want to do any of the work.

honeylulu · 04/11/2016 10:43

If he insists you should give up your bedroom I suggest you don't move any of his stuff next time. Let him experience the awkwardness of realising he has to go and extract a pair of clean underpants from a room where guests are slumbering.

BertrandRussell · 04/11/2016 10:44

"Woah, if he feels all that stuff needs to be done for guests, he should do it!"

He doesn't. The OP does.

Willow2016 · 04/11/2016 10:49

WOW! I have never emptied my bedroom for someone staying! You have all day to go in and out to get stuff, guest arent going to tell you to stay out your own room!

Just clean sheets and thats it. There is plenty room in the bathroom for any toiletries (gets a clean first but not a 'deep clean' just my usual clean!) and they can live out a suitcase for a couple of days. I could make room in the wardrobe if they needed it for something special but no way am I emptying my room out! If I need something out my room I go get it. Other times they have slept on the double airbed in the other room but thats bust now!

No wonder you dont want guests if you are acting like you are on '3 in a bed' Why cant they just use the double bed in dd's room? I am sure that they wouldnt crash around to wake her up. Or take her into your room much simpler than emptying a whole room.

I can move my kids from room to room while they are asleep, now they are older I 'walk' them through they are never aware of it.

TataEs · 04/11/2016 10:50

if u want guests then i'd rethink the layout.
a 15mo only needs to sleep in their room, so put the baby in the office room.
make her current room into a guest / office.
tbh we don't have people to stay at ours. i have my nephew coming for a weekend soon and whilst we are excited to see him and spend time with him, the laundry and logistics will be a ball ache (we are already 4 people in a 2 bed flat!)

nocampinghere · 04/11/2016 10:53

it sounds like you're making very heavy work of some guest staying tbh.

you DON'T need to empty rooms, or "deep clean".
just some clean bed linen, towels and a wipe around will do.

Move DD's cot into the study. Sort out the study so it can be a guest room more easily (sofa bed, storage cupboard for the paraphenalia to be lobbed into and locked).

YelloDraw · 04/11/2016 10:55

I swear to god this exact same thread was posted a few months ago?

Don't give up your room but I don't see why you can't just pop DD into the study and let the guests have the double in there.

murmuration · 04/11/2016 10:58

You're right bertrand, I didn't catch that "I think" in there.

OP, you're doing too much. Guests just need a place to sleep, somewhere to stick their cases, and some way to obtain privacy to change.

I'm not sure I understand what you're DH's POV is then, does he think you should offer your room? If so, just let him sort it out to his satisfaction. Otherwise your solution sounds fine. I wouldn't expect anyone, even family, to move from the room they normally sleep in to accommodate me.

KayTee87 · 04/11/2016 11:01

Either don't have guests if you don't want them.
Husband takes a day off to sort it all.
Husband pays for a cleaner from his own money to sort it all.

daisypond · 04/11/2016 11:03

I think you're making too much of this, too. Deep-clean the ensuite? What does that entail? And why are you moving stuff around? I wouldn't give up your bedroom. I'd hate it if someone did that for me and I was coming to stay. What's the point of having a sofa bed in the living room if you're not going to use it? I think the baby should move permanently into the office room, keep what is now the baby's room as an office, with a bed in there you can use for guests. Then no-one has to move anything.

gillybeanz · 04/11/2016 11:30

If dh wants guests, he will have to do the work for them.
If he can't then you don't have guests.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/11/2016 11:30

You really are doing too much OP

And as others have said, if your DH is so keen on all this, then he can do it

BertrandRussell · 04/11/2016 11:33

"If dh wants guests, he will have to do the work for them.
If he can't then you don't have guests."

But the OP is being completely ridiculous. Nobody should be doing that amount of work for overnight guests.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 04/11/2016 11:41

I think you're making this a much bigger deal than you need to.

You have a spare room that presumably could fit a blow up bed. You have a sofa bed. You also have a double bed in your child's room.

You don't need to give up your bed, you don't need to move everything from one room to another, you don't need to treat your guests like royalty. If they want a totally private room and bedroom they are after a hotel, not being put up in a friend/relatives house.

But if you are that poster from a few months ago, that thread didn't change your mind so this one won't either.

amicissimma · 04/11/2016 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplefox · 04/11/2016 13:17

Haven't you posted about this before?

Original poster
5FeetOfWater · 04/11/2016 13:17

I've tried to relax about having guests but I really can't. I feel the room needs to be spotless and a 'blank canvas' not only for them but because it feels intrusive if they see our personal stuff ... I don't want DH's relatives seeing my underwear or using my products... I have a separate basket of guest toiletries I leave out. And I feel far too awkward to go in and get things... if we can't offer them a private space I don't feel we should invite them.

We'll be moving within a year so don't want to get new furniture or move DD to a different bedroom. She used to wake 4-5x night and still does if she sleeps in a different room or we sleep in with her, seems very sensitive to noise/movement.

When my sisters stay they opt to sleep in the office (it's furthest from DD's room so nice and quiet). But DH feels we must always offer people a bedroom!

OP posts:
LotsOfShoes · 04/11/2016 13:23

You're making this so much harder on yourself than it needs to be.

ghostspirit · 04/11/2016 13:31

yellow I thought it was posted a few months back to...

Anyway is this guest staying thing just a mn thing I would always give up my bed or make room for guest by swapping about a bit. I don't get the issue of these sort of threads.

daisypond · 04/11/2016 13:35

If I was a guest in someone's home, it would make me really uncomfortable to sleep in their bed - knowing that I'd turfed them out, seeing all their stuff around. I would find it hard to relax. I would far, far rather sleep on a sofa bed, a blow-up bed, mattress on the floor, sleeping bag, anything.

StrangeIdeas · 04/11/2016 13:50

The only time anymore gave their bed up for me was when DD was born and lovely sil invited us to stay at her house as we lived in the middle of nowhere and she lived almost next door to the hospital. Dp was working long hours and sil looked after me and DD. It was bliss. But sil didn't move any of her stuff. I can't get my head around moving all your things.

Rinceoir · 04/11/2016 13:57

You are overthinking this entirely!

I live in a tiny 2 bed and have visitors every few weeks. DD is 2.5- she stays with us- either in our bed or her old cot mattress on floor. Guests get a drawer and clean sheets. I don't expect a blank canvas when I stay with friends or family, so don't provide that either. It's not a hotel!

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/11/2016 14:55

You sound very inflexible and don't want to listen to any suggestions or compromises. Why did you post?

It's as unreasonable for you to expect guests to sleep on camp beds as it is for your dh to expect you to move out of your bedroom.

TBH your dd will very probably settle in the other bedroom relatively quickly as she's now in a routine. And I think YABU not to contemplate the suggestions from posters because you're be moving probably in the next 12 months. That's a whole year! Your dd hasn't been on the planet for much more than that. What do you do when you go on holiday?

Arfarfanarf · 04/11/2016 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 04/11/2016 15:17

Why on earth would they see your underwear? Do you have it on display? In a frame, perhaps- or as some sort of mobile?

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