How much would you judge this family at the playground?

[RedStripeLass]

Sunday afternoon. Family of three, Mum, Dad and daughter aged 3 arrive at a small, quiet playground. Within seconds she drops her banana and starts shouting loudly "fucks sake, fucking hell" etc .

Then she goes to get on the roundabout and a younger child about 1-2 ish tries to get on to. She screams and pushes him off saying "no babies" he starts crying and her mum apologises profusely, very embarrassed and tells her dd to apologise too.

Mum and daughter then go on to play happily in the playground whilst dad hangs back on the grass with a beer and a joint. Mum tries occasionally to get him to join in their games.

I'm ashamed to say this a snapshot of me and my family. After starting a thread elsewhere I've become increasingly worried about our family and am gearing up the courage to talk with our health visitor today but I'm very afraid that she'll escalate it.

Honest opinions please, would you judge us if you were at the playground that day?

Red why did he come to the park? He didn't want to play with Dd did he?

I wouldn't judge swearing if it was dealt with and not laughed off, DS1 repeated "oh for fucks sake" on a bus very loudly once and I was affronted! The pushing, again if it was dealt with I wouldn't judge.
Dad smoking a joint and drinking in a play park, I'd call the police.

we have been to bbq's with families, and some of the people have gone for a walk for a joint. In the garden with the kids running round? no, just no.

and these are the people whose house the bbq was in.

IScream the people I am around don't see it as any different from alcohol. In fact, it is much less harmful and produces a lot better behavior than alcohol.

And 3 year olds don't need to have got pushing from anywhere, it's just what they do sometimes :)

Sorry! But he would be the type that would keep other families from going to park like yours. People would assume it's full of druggies. Any responsible parent would find another park to go to or will tell their children not to their.

Seriously, if he was a great person and a responsible parent he would wait. Not take his drugs and alcohol to a place where children are let alone in the same place his children.

One beer and joint isn't going to make him a danger"... that's what most people say until it escalates

I do sarah, that's why I posted. So I don't chicken out of getting help.

I've been advised to speak to a health visitor so that's why I'm doing it. Better than not doing anything at all.

Smoking weed is illegal - so society as a whole has a view on this.
Smoking weed and drinking alcohol around small children totally unacceptable.
Swearing not great. And I would assume parents regularly swore in front of child and feel sorry for the child.
Telling a younger child he could not get on the ride - par for the course at this age.
I think you know that this behaviour is wrong - great that you are going to get help to deal with it.

Whether anybody judges you (or your partner) or not OP< you have mahoosive balls for plucking up the courage to ask for help.
Kudos.
Gardencentre and I tend to agree - drugs around kids, nah.
As for swearing kids - best look at where they are picking it up from first.

People asking questions might want to read Red's other thread - it's well past an occasional joint, and she is working up to asking for some Social Services support for her family via speaking to the HV.

The swearing, drinking beer and smoking joints in the playground would make me leave and go somewhere else. Feel sorry for the child involved.

I'm sorry but I agree with this. I would also leave.

I'm not going to judge you though because you are obviously struggling a great deal. I hope you get some help with the HV.

Sending love to you

The mother I feel kind of sorry for but feel she should not be swearing so much in front of her child and I'd feel she had real issues with a grown man drinking and smoking in a park (both illegal, by the way).

I think the Dad is a knob and probably has even shittier qualities other than the aforementioned.

But the daughter I'm gutted for. She doesn't understand appropriate behaviour and thinks her behaviour and her fathers are normal.

In short I judge the Dad, judge the Mum a little and feel sorry for the child.

This is my view without reading the rest of the thread as you wanted initial snapshot responses. Will read rest of the thread now.

Why would you try to compensate by being super parent instead of just sending your OH home? You honestly think passersby would judge your family any less harshly because you were going on the swings with your child?
You're lucky nobody reported you. I once called the park warden (they've probably all been made redundant by now) when some idiot brought their dog into the actual play area and refused to take it outside the gate into the wider park area, he was escorted out of the entire park when he mouthed off at the warden.
I'd have done the same if I'd seen some lowlife (sorry, but really...) getting off his head in a children's play park.

I haven't read the whole thread, I'm responsing to the OPost. In total honesty, I would judge him and be inwardly calling him all manner of scummy fuckers. I would judge you by association. Your child deserves better. I would also leave the park. My child doesn't need to see that.

You have no money
No savings

And rely on hand my downs to clothe your daughter

And your partner is happy with that

Meanwhile any money going spare is going on pot and alcohol. Why are you letting this happen?

Ok a second hand coat is not the end of the world but when you should be able to afford one but can't because your funding his addiction, its unacceptable

I always think a good way to look at the situation is to consider whether you'd be happy in 20 years time to see your daughter partnered up and raising your grandchildren with a man like that. You can be bloody MOTY but your partner is teaching your daughter that this sort of behaviour is o.k.

bastard I was determined that we'd have a fun! family Sunday. I probably forced him into it. It wound me up so much that he would join in.

God these hysterics are truly ridiculous.

...that's what most people say until it escalates....?

Escalates into what???

If you're using the argument that it's a gateway drug, it's not. Many millions of people use weed and nothing else.

Put it this way, I don't think him drinking and smoking in that environment is ideal, but it certainly does not make him this dangerous looming threat everyone keeps going on about. Good grief.

Don't apologise leopard I understand, I hope your day gets better love

are you safe with this man?' as if a beer and a joint makes someone dangerous, or tells us much at all about his character.

It's not so much having a beer and a joint, it's the context. Having a beer and a joint on a Saturday night might be okay in a lot of circumstances. Not being able to make a brief visit to a kid's play park in the daytime without a beer and a joint indicates a problem. Because it's totally inappropriate behaviour for that situation and if you can't not do it, or simply don't care, there is a problem.

I've read your other thread. I don't know how you can say there is no abuse when there is financial abuse at the very least. Your husband spends so much money on weed every week that you can't afford to buy your daughter a coat! And if he doesn't smoke near her why are you worrying that someone is going to smell it on her and report to SS?

I would judge the weed smoking in the park, I would be angry that he thought it was acceptable to inflict that on his and other people's kids and at you for enabling it and allowing it round your child. I would say something.

Ok reading other responses there's obviously previous threads that I missed so I don't have the full story and will not comment further

Op your OH IS a threat and that's what you need to see. It is not normal or healthy for your daughter to be around someone who thinks that behavior is appropriate. If he's in a bad place I'd do what you can to support him -from afar. He needs to be staying elsewhere and realise it's not appropriate to be that man around his DD.

It doesn't make him dangerous no, it doesn't make everyone uninterested, unmotivated, self absorbed, moody and selfish, but it makes Reds DH like that.