How much would you judge this family at the playground?

[RedStripeLass]

Sunday afternoon. Family of three, Mum, Dad and daughter aged 3 arrive at a small, quiet playground. Within seconds she drops her banana and starts shouting loudly "fucks sake, fucking hell" etc .

Then she goes to get on the roundabout and a younger child about 1-2 ish tries to get on to. She screams and pushes him off saying "no babies" he starts crying and her mum apologises profusely, very embarrassed and tells her dd to apologise too.

Mum and daughter then go on to play happily in the playground whilst dad hangs back on the grass with a beer and a joint. Mum tries occasionally to get him to join in their games.

I'm ashamed to say this a snapshot of me and my family. After starting a thread elsewhere I've become increasingly worried about our family and am gearing up the courage to talk with our health visitor today but I'm very afraid that she'll escalate it.

Honest opinions please, would you judge us if you were at the playground that day?

Sounds pretty horrendous but at least you've managed to identify this and are taking steps to improve.

I would judge, where does your 3yo hear language like that so often she incorporates into her normal conversation?

And I have nothing against smoking weed but a children's play park is not the place to do it. And why would your dh need encouragement to play with his dd?

My attention would be drawn to you as a family because of the language and the Dad's actions but I would think at least you're thinking of your child's physical welfare by taking them to the park in the cold. My daughter came out of school the other day and repeated that Tom (not real name) had said, 'f**k you' to another boy in the class. He is from a very middle class family that are often quite twee in relating to their children. I was mortified that my 4 year old daughter repeated this loudly in front of the parents waiting to collect their children!

Leopardgecko this thread is not about your son's tourettes. Start your own thread. The ops child doesn't have tourettes you are derailing the thread.

RedStripeLass, you didn't mention if the father is your live-in partner at the moment. I have to say, I'be immensely worried about you and the child if I saw a scene like that.
Are you safe living with him? I don't know what your circumstances are and it's many times never as simple as telling someone LTB and then judge them if they can't/won't but this doesn't sound like an environment you'd like to have your children in.

I wouldnt judge, I would just feel sorry for the child being dragged up like that to swear, push other children and with a pot smoking father, no wonder she is that way.

Red it's not getting any better pet I was on your last thread.

I wouldn't judge I would feel sorry for you and your DD.

All children push occasionally, and you dealt with that. The swearing is not ideal, but it does happen. It's something you can work on with her. The dad is a disgrace and I would feel very sorry for your dd and you, so I'm afraid yes I would judge him very harshly.
This can't be easy for you and I think it's great that you are identifying these issues and hopefully seeking help. Good luck to you.

Err yeah I'd judge. I'd probably have a firm word with your dp too. There are families like that round here, we avoid if we see them. Sorry

I knew people would judge and felt I had to compensate by being ' super parent' and climbing up everything with dd and whiz zing round on the roundabout till I felt sick!

I know people on this forum would quite rightly judge too but I'm using this as a tool not to back down on speaking to the hv later by telling myself it's actually all ok.

leopardgecko

• thank you for that much-needed reminder that we shouldn't rush to judge. (My adult sister has special needs and, when she had an epileptic fit in the street, people walked past, presumably thinking it was drug-related.)

To be a foster-carer is to be a hero.

I wouldn't judge. It sounds like you were engaged with your daughter, playing and making sure she and other children had a good time. Kids push and you can't always get inbetween to stop it, but it sounds like you were there ready to prevent it happening again, as best you could.
I'd feel a bit sad for you that her father wasn't supporting you when you asked him to join in.

Tbh, it sounds like you were doing what a lot of responsible parents would do. I would speak to your HV.

However, my DH doing that in the park?! Really?! I'd feel sorry for you, as the responsible parent, for having a partner/husband like that in the first place!

I'd judge that you found it an acceptable environment for your child to be in, but also for other young children to be around.

Is this what you want for your daughter? You are actively choosing this for her, it's pretty appalling.

Red are you honestly okay with someone under the influence of drugs to be around your child?

Assuming that you told her that the swearing wasn't acceptable I would have felt very sorry for you and thought your partner was a dick.

The swearing thing is regrettable but does happen and as long as you try and deal with it is okay. The 'no babies' thing is perfectly normal and you handled it well. Drinking beer and smoking a joint in a children's playground is not on. And him ignoring you and refusing to join in is horrible.

You know there's a problem and you want to deal with it so you are not a bad parent. You're just in a bad situation. I would say this is probably a LTB situation and very sad.

Hell yes I would judge and harshly.

Genuine question, What do you want to achieve by talking to the HV? What support are you hoping they can offer?

The swearing Sounds awful but it happens. Since DS came along "sugar" and "fudge" are commonly used words in my household.

As for the dad I would be tempted to report someone smoking a joint in a child's play park to the police. Massively inappropriate and I'd be thinking if he thinks that Is acceptable out in public, god knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Sort it out for your child's sake because from that snapshot i'd feel incredibly sad for their future.

What can the HV do though? You need to leave this man if he can't stop his behaviour.

I haven't read your other threads. Do you think your husband needs help?

Do you swear as well or is it just him who does it and the kids have picked up on?

Her pushing and shoving is she getting it from your dh by any chance?

I would judge the joint smoking and beer drinking in a playground. I would think that perhaps the dad's and child's behaviour are linked. Attentive parent(s) with a child behaving as you described, I would think is most likely a 'difficult' child for some reason and quite possibly not the parents fault.

I wouldn't just the child, but I would judge the father. And to be honest, anyone with him who did not tackle his behaviour. Drinking and drug taking in a kids park is so clearly unacceptable. I hope that you are able tomake the changes you need to, because it is worrying on so many levels.

Red, are you the poster who's been on a few times discussing your partner's issues with weed? One said that DD'd picked up his grinder and played with it?

We all live together and he's not a threat. He's depressed and in a bad place. We are safe. No abuse or anything like like. Just a bit useless sometimes.

Yes I would judge.

Honestly I'd have left the playground,I wouldn't want my DC being around a grown man that thinks it's normal to smoke weed and drink alcohol in a child's playground and I'd think you had really awful judgement if you let that go on around your small child!

I too am a foster carer. I also have children with ASD and ADHD and I know where leopard is coming from. But I would remove my children from the situation purely because of the attitude of the father.
I do supervised contact between my children and their parents and if their dad behaved like this there is no way the contact would continue. I would remove child immediately and report it to child's social worker.