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Original poster

How much would you judge this family at the playground?

444 replies

RedStripeLass · 03/11/2016 10:21

Sunday afternoon. Family of three, Mum, Dad and daughter aged 3 arrive at a small, quiet playground. Within seconds she drops her banana and starts shouting loudly "fucks sake, fucking hell" etc .

Then she goes to get on the roundabout and a younger child about 1-2 ish tries to get on to. She screams and pushes him off saying "no babies" he starts crying and her mum apologises profusely, very embarrassed and tells her dd to apologise too.

Mum and daughter then go on to play happily in the playground whilst dad hangs back on the grass with a beer and a joint. Mum tries occasionally to get him to join in their games.

I'm ashamed to say this a snapshot of me and my family. After starting a thread elsewhere I've become increasingly worried about our family and am gearing up the courage to talk with our health visitor today but I'm very afraid that she'll escalate it.

Honest opinions please, would you judge us if you were at the playground that day?

OP posts:
stolemyusername · 03/11/2016 10:32

I would be worried for the wife and child and would probably assume that the child picked up the language from the father. I'd be worried about what goes on behind closed doors if he thinks it's okay to drink and smoke drugs in a child play area.

Please do speak to your HV, it sounds like you need some support.

ChocolateBudgeCake · 03/11/2016 10:32

I would feel very sad for them because I know how I would feel if that were me in the situation.

It's good that you can recognise it's not an ideal set up.

If Dad wasn't in that scene, how would things have gone differently?

Lemon12345 · 03/11/2016 10:32

Sorry but if that was my local park I would give the police station over the road a quick call to let them know someone is smoking weed and drinking near the childrens area. TBH weed isn't uncommon around here, it's a nice area but a bit hippy dippy so I think quite a few partake. But near the kids play area... not on.

As for the swearing and aggression I would be concerned. As someone who has worked with children and done many safeguarding courses I would be pondering about the child, however depending on the adults (ie if just you there being nice and supportive, encouraging good behaviour etc I'd wonder if it was a possible foster child and be more likely to brush it off) but with one parent drinking and smoking I'd be thinking poor bloody kid.

leopardgecko · 03/11/2016 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/11/2016 10:33

I would not be impressed by someone smoking weed near children, added with drinking I'd probably leave. I'd feel sorry for his child to be honest. Is there a particular reason you're still with this man? Is this the environment you want your daughter to grow up in, knowing other people are staring at her family like this?

Whereismumhiding2 · 03/11/2016 10:34

I agree with gardencentregroupie

Except, it's also not good that someone in your life is swearing so much around your 3 year old that she says it so casually (or at all!!).

Clandestino · 03/11/2016 10:35

I would judge. Swearing, not as much. I'm a sweary person and have to control myself in front of DD but if it was lots of fuck and shit, that's a no no. Especially if the child was not reprimanded. I always excuse my language when I have a slip in front of DD and it happens very rarely now.
Pushing and then seeing the father with a can of beer and a joint lying on the grass, being as useful as a dog turd, I'd be firmly putting my judgy pants on.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 03/11/2016 10:35

Children do swear, despite your best efforts they always pick it up from somewhere and I think as long as a parent tries to correct them it's ok but once I saw the parent was a drug user I'd think the Apple hasn't fallen far from the tree

Any parent doing any kind of drugs around there children is wrong and I would feel sorry for the child with a parent that thought that was accepted behaviour. There is no excuse for that!

2014newme · 03/11/2016 10:36

Leopardgecko don't be ridiculous , your foster and special needs kids surely are not smoking weed and drinking beer in the park 🙄
If they were you would expect any security there to be info. If that is making you stay home so be it

pieceofpurplesky · 03/11/2016 10:36

Sorry but I would judge. The combination of the issues - swearing/pushing would make me think that the kids had a deeper issue but then when I saw the father I would put it down to terrible parenting.
I am speechless at him being in the park drinking and smoking WITH HIS KIDS. Without them his own life, his own risks. I would judge you for being with him, staying and not leaving the minute he started. I would also feel sorry for you and the future of your children.

Original poster
RedStripeLass · 03/11/2016 10:36

If Dad wasn't in that scene, how would things have gone differently?

Well, there'd be no drinking or pot for a start! As I said up thread, the swearing is on both our heads and I'm waiting for the day nursery school pull me to one side and tell me what words dd has been spouting.

OP posts:
Saucery · 03/11/2016 10:36

Have just read your posts on your other thread. Your HV sounds great and I do think you should fully confide in her.

alwayshappy101 · 03/11/2016 10:37

Yes I would judge,not you though.kids can be pushy and pick up foul language.it seems to me that you handled the pushing incident well.

I would definitely judge the dad though.you cannot go to a child's place of play with drugs and alcohol.

I genuinely hope he doesn't "smoke joints" in the house with your dd there.

Have you talked to your oh about stopping this?it seems to me that you are not happy about it.

Please do seek help for your oh.Flowers

Soubriquet · 03/11/2016 10:39

I wouldn't judge the swearing or the pushing

Kids do it

But the smoking drugs and beer? I would be very unimpressed

My2centsworth · 03/11/2016 10:40

I would not judge the swearing. Swearing is common parlance here in almost all walks of life and children pick up on it and are discouraged from using it and generally don't. You did all that do fine. The pushing the baby, nah kids do that you handled it well. The gobshite you were with I'd judge the feck out of him, the absolute feck. There is no place for drugs or alcohol at a playground.

leopardgecko · 03/11/2016 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitchQueen90 · 03/11/2016 10:40

I wouldn't judge the children at all. I'd definitely judge the father.

LucyInTheSkyWithDonuts · 03/11/2016 10:41

The reporting to park security is for the antisocial behaviour of smoking weed and drinking beer, not the small child pushing and swearing.

BastardGoDarkly · 03/11/2016 10:41

leopard unless fostering makes you smoke dope in the park, that poster wasn't talking about you.

Redstripe you know people would judge, everything except your DH would be let go, but yet again, he's pushing your family into harms way. You sound so sad Flowers

MrTCakes · 03/11/2016 10:41

I would judge the father for drinking alcohol and smoking drugs in a childrens playground. I wouldn't judge the child for pushing and swearing as sometimes these things happen and how the parent deals with it is what woule concern me.
Sorry op but I would judge you for being with that waste of space.

WindInThePussyWillows · 03/11/2016 10:41

I would have raised an eyebrow at the swearing, judged for the pushing (not on its own but accumulatively with the swearing).

The drink and drugs is unforgivable and I would have phoned 101 if it was around children.
As a mother, how can you happily allow anyone, father, friend, relative..etc to be under the influence of drugs and around your child!?

Please talk to your health visitor.

Grumpyoldblonde · 03/11/2016 10:42

Sorry, yes I would judge like hell, also you told your daughter off for swearing? I have to ask where she learned the words at 3.
It's great you are seeking help, you really don't want to be 'that' family do you?

Onehellofascare · 03/11/2016 10:42

I wouldn't judge the swearing as DS went through a phase of saying fucking hell when he was around the same age. We don't swear around them at all and have no idea where he picked it up from. He was told it wasn't nice to say and it was then stoically ignored. He grew out of it very quickly although not quick enough at the time

The pushing I would only judge if it wasn't dealt with by the parents.

The drinking I would judge in those circumstances. Not so much on a warm day with a picnic in the park where allowed.

The smoking a joint I would most definitely judge!

mydietstartsmonday · 03/11/2016 10:42

So you need to change your life; don't you. Swaearing is an issue so this needs to stop.

Is your DP a positive influence? it doesn't sound like it. What kind of role models are you for your daughter.

What is great is you recognise that you don't like what you see and it sounds like you want something better for your child.

Act now & good luck.

Discobabe · 03/11/2016 10:42

Honestly.... I'd judge the dad and the swearing. Not the other stuff