How much would you judge this family at the playground?

[RedStripeLass]

Sunday afternoon. Family of three, Mum, Dad and daughter aged 3 arrive at a small, quiet playground. Within seconds she drops her banana and starts shouting loudly "fucks sake, fucking hell" etc .

Then she goes to get on the roundabout and a younger child about 1-2 ish tries to get on to. She screams and pushes him off saying "no babies" he starts crying and her mum apologises profusely, very embarrassed and tells her dd to apologise too.

Mum and daughter then go on to play happily in the playground whilst dad hangs back on the grass with a beer and a joint. Mum tries occasionally to get him to join in their games.

I'm ashamed to say this a snapshot of me and my family. After starting a thread elsewhere I've become increasingly worried about our family and am gearing up the courage to talk with our health visitor today but I'm very afraid that she'll escalate it.

Honest opinions please, would you judge us if you were at the playground that day?

I would presume I was looking at another mum doing a good job with the kids completely without the support and nurture a partner should provide. I would presume I was looking at someone with low self esteem who made excuses and enabled piss poor behaviour because she expects nothing better. I would expect that mum thinks her efforts negate dad's inability to put the needs of his kids and partner before his own.

I would really hope that mum gets an increasing Sense of her worth and looks at some other couples and thinks bugger that's what I could have. A man who when knackered and working can still make tea and read stories and chase little ones round a playground before coming home happy and supportive.
So yeah I am really judging and pretty jaded by all the shit entitled man child deadbeats. I wouldn't be thinking badly of you and the kids and if you had apologied to me j would have shared that been there grin. We can't avoid it if our kid has a pushing phase but we can avoid shit role models.

Op, do you swear out of frustration because you feel like you have failed at dealing with him, or is it because you are just a constant swearer?

*...that's what most people say until it escalates....?

Escalates into what???*

In this specific case, it has escalated into the H being stoned or hungover all day, every day, being completely nonfunctional as a parent and partner, and spending hundreds of pounds a month on weed, skunk, and alcohol while his wife scrambles to pay the bills and can't afford clothes for their daughter.

HTH

I need to go and collect dd now. Thanks everyone for their honesty. It's given me a push in the right direction. I was expecting these kinds of responses so no one has shocked or upset me.

Thanks again.

Please leave the useless bloke and make a better life for your child before social services take the chance away from you.

I wouldn't judge the swearing.
I definitely wouldn't judge the pushing (unless you totally ignored it) it's normal toddler behaviour and playgrounds are there to give you an opportunity to deal with those kind of interactions.

The smoking and drinking would make me furious. And I'd judge you for allowing it/being with him. I won't stand for anyone smoking even a cigarette in a kids playground, it's disgusting.

I'd judge a 3-year-old swearing like that. I'd remove my own children from the vicinity of a man smoking drugs and drinking beer on a playground. I would feel bad for you, but I would wonder why you don't seem to have a stronger role or influence within your family.

Children swearing isn't nice but at that age I would assume she'd just overheard it and think meh these things happen.
The pushing, again quite normal toddler behaviour (maybe a 3 yo should have grown out of it by now maybe not?) you apologised and made her apologise so I wouldn't be judgey.
The dad smoking a joint and ignoring wife and child would get my back right up though, that's disgusting.
Personally I think I wouldn't be with someone that took drugs around children. I know plenty of habitual weed smokers and they're all lazy, forgetful, selfish and lacking in proper social skills.

I hope you get the support you need soon.

Mardy, obviously the OP obviously doesn't find it an acceptable situation or she wouldn't have posted and she's not "actively choosing this" for her daughter, she is actually trying to make changes because she isn't happy with the situation!
OP, regardless of whether other people would judge, you aren't happy with the situation and you know you need to make changes. Good luck, I hope your HV can help.x

I'd feel very sorry for dd, her daddy sounds rather terrible.

The swearing? Well, not great, but not the end of the world either...

The 'no babies part'? Well, seeing as you apologised I'd probably simply assume dd was in a bratty mood,

I would not judge the child in any way.

I would judge the dad massively, I won't actually type my exact thoughts on his behaviour here

I would judge you/mum based on that snapshot on the basis that you seemingly allow this behaviour to go on around your child and thereby making it appear 'acceptable' to your child.

Well done to you for wanting to change this but I am a bit confused as to why you're speaking with the HV about this. Have you discussed your partners behaviour? is he willing to change? if not then what can your HV do about it? I would think it's down to you, in this situation, to leave him and not accept this behaviour around your child.

How would you feel if your daughter was in your situation in 20 years time? because if it happens then you are partly responsible for that as you have shown her that smoking weed and drinking in a childs playground is perfectly normal/acceptable.

definitely judge the swearing especially if she's picked it up from you or your family.

a beer and a joint at the park is disgusting too.

glad to see you're getting help.

Your children are not the problem. You two (the parents) are and it shows that you don't care about your children's upbringing including their mental health. Every bottle he drinks is a potential dinner on the table. Every pot he smokes, is a potential coat on dd's back.

I don't think I would "judge" but I would certainly think -

"Child swearing, child being aggressive to baby and dad smoking drugs- problem family, I hope they can get some help". I would also feel sorry for the little child and grateful mine are not growing up like that. I would also think "what kind of bloke is smoking drugs around kids". I think that is absolutely awful.

My kids don't swear nor do they shove babies about.

Sorry if that is harsh to read, but it may help you.

Good luck - you've been brave posting here.

I didn't know there was a history of you posting.

Therefore, I would be expecting you to do whatever you needed to keep your DD safe. As well as other park users.

BTW leopardgecko don't worry about what you said - your sensitivity was understandable. for you.

And you stay with a man that behaves like that? Wow. You do need to teach your daughter how to behave as that is awful behaviour. But your biggest issue is your waste of space other half I would honestly get rid.

I have no issues with people having the odd spliff but not at the park, in front of children and definitely not if it impacts on family finances. You need separate from him and put your daughter before him.

This isn't about whether others might 'judge' you. You know in your heart and have said on this thread - I haven't seen your other threads - that family life that involves drugs and alcohol in inappropriate circumstances and language at home that means a 3 yr old says fuck is less than ideal.
Definitely raise it with your health visitor there's loads she can do to help. She might talk to you about getting your community nursery nurse involved or a family worker, she can help you access parenting classes, refer you to your local Home Start if there's one in your area or you can refer yourself.
Clearly you're unhappy with the situation and you want to change things, that's great. Be brave and ask for help.

Dracula I don't think there is anything here to suggest the poster isn't feeding or clothing her child? I think the OP needs to consider the environment her dd is growing up in a look at improving it but not need for hysterical posts or wild assumptions

Your dedication to your husband's depression and his way of dealing with it has gone past admirable and now it is plain damaging your daughter. She, as a child, needs your help more than he does. There are many, many other ways to help ease depression than booze and weed in the park, otherwise it wouldn't be such a shocking sight.

Ah, I hate the phrase "to judge" someone.

However I would think the drinking beer and smoking a joint in the park with young children was far from ok, I'd probably give the swearing a pass and laugh it off with a raised eyebrow, same as the pushing. Kids do stuff now and again like that. I'm not sure if that's judgemental or not.

But yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable with a man in the park where there was young children drinking beer and smoking pot, rightly or wrongly. I say that because it's not like the young kids would know what he was doing really, more the parents.

I'd also try to be nice to the mum, if she looked like she was trying hard and wasn't going to attempt to beat the crap out me or anything. 😂

monkey she has another thread where she says that she can't afford to buy her daughter a coat because he smokes so much weed in a week