to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

The cheek of them! Especially since you say you've only made what they asked for!! I agree with pp, leave it as it is. MIL has apologised and you accepted it. Wait to hear from SIL. If you give any gifts for Christmas, buy them from Poundland. If they ever ask you to make anything again, just politely decline saying you're too busy.

That's really bad, it's like something out of mean girls. I'm curious also what has your husband said?

YANBU, you've accepted your MIL's apology, it's not up to you to assuage her feelings of guilt any further, that's her problem. When the topic of gifts is discussed, a simple 'I suggest we just buy for the children from now on' or, if they're the type of family that insist on exchanging gifts between grown ups, you can put zero effort into the gifts without feeling bad. Plenty of generic, bland gifts out there to be had - inoffensive scarves, body wash/ lotion sets, etc... supermarkets are full of them, just chuck a couple in your basket and that's Christmas done from your POV!

What does your DH have to say about them and their ungrateful reaction to your lovely gifts?

I make lots of gifts, especially for family as they have everything they need, so for the last 6-8 years I tend to make a hamper of homemade goodies - a small Christmas cake, chocolate truffles, biscotti, jam, chutney, orange, white chocolate and cranberry shortbread.... Goes down a treat.... Except with my Dad and Stepmum apparently. My stepmum took me aside when we saw them in the summer to tell me she appreciates the effort I make but none of it gets eaten and it all goes to waste(!) so can I just give them a picture of the DC this year. So I'm taking her at her word. Picture of the DC in a £4 Asda photo frame. No guilt, no expense!

They criticised and humiliated you then criticised your response to the apology?! Yeah that sounds sincere! They know they have behaved badly and are trying to turn it around on you. They are invalidating your feelings, they were hurtful and it's understandable to be hurt. Take all the time you need. How does your DH feel about his family treating you so disrespectfully? TBH I would be worried there was a bigger underlying issue because this can't really be just about the gifts since they requested them!

Yes to all those who say gifts for his side of the family is now your DH's responsibility- make sure he knows that - he may decide to tell them he's only buying for the children.

I never get why the default position seems to be that the wife becomes responsible for it anyway, although your handmade presents are different of course.

And he should also tell them what hurtful bitches they've been. (Maybe not bitches, just think that). What does he say?

I hope he said 'no, she's not sulking but speechless at your crappy behaviour and lack of apology from my sister (you cowbags)'.

Really low of them. They are looking like two nasty dickheads now for sure. Regardless if it was a mistake to email all, what they said was unkind and shitty and they shouldn't be chatting like that ever.

Don't engage on the issue anymore. And DH can sort their presents from not on.

Knit them a scarf. Knit the words 'crappy homemade scarf of smugness' into the design. Or crochet a nice sampler?

To be fair I didn't see your update immediately where you say they asked for the homemade gifts. That just sounds a bit weird to me. Perhaps - no offence because this isn't your fault or your problem - they have always thought homemade was a bit tight and made a bit of a joke about it between themselves, even when making suggestions as to what you could make.

Either way, not nice for you to read. I still think you should maintain a dignified moral high ground and make it clear you have forgiven them. No Christmas presents though!

I think they're talking about your children's gifts.

Incredibly hurtful and nasty, but it's the only answer if the handmade gifts you've made are requested ones.

Oh, they are dicks! And your SIL hasn't apologised at all. If I were your H I'd have ripped them a new head.

My dh sil (brothers wife) is very handy with the sewing machine, and has crafted some lovely Cath Kidston type things for us, for Christmas and birthdays, made with Cath Kidston fabric, they are beautiful. Evertime I used my bag, or see the pillow that she made us, reminds me of her and sewing it for us. I love them, better than a shop bought gift.

Send a reply all emails with just a link to this thread? Heehee!

she asked how I wasn't I was speaking to her. DH said I was fine but I was quite hurt about it all and she said "it just looks like Sham's sulking now"

Sorry, that should have said she asked how I was and wasn't I speaking to her.

DH has had words with them about it. He's explained that I was hurt and that he thinks they were totally out of order. And yes, he'll be sorting cards and gifts in future

That would make me think, how do they feel about me. Are there other things they are saying behind my back, that I am not aware of.

What a pair of twits!! I would go into a pound shop and buy a gift set from there for their Chris presents as that says more than getting them nothing.

I also would not be spending Christmas with a pair who though I was a soppy bastard!!

(Nothing wrong with pound shop gifts but if they are used to lovely home made gifts then it would be a kick in the teeth for them)

Sugar I'd love one of your hampers!

The op could find the most awful Christmas presents that are shop bought....there is some truly revolting stuff out there, and give it to mil and soil, as it isn't handmade. Polyester headscarf in garish colours, a mooning gnome for the garden etc, etc.

They sound awful, jealous, spiteful and mean. Now you seen how they really are like. I would have been mortified if I were them.

I'd love a huge, knitted snuggly blanket, can you do me one in purple?
Seriously, they have made themselves look awful so you come out on top here.

Who else read their horrible emails? Do you get on with any of them? I would imagine all of those people (unless they're horrible too) are now thinking what bitches your in laws are.

Poundland photoframe and a print out of the emails in it. One each for SIL and MIL. Job done.

Same for every birthday and Christmas until you get bored. :)

Don't give them any more head space OP, you would be bloody entitled to sulk!

Gordon Bennett!

Sham looks like she's sulking....

What an insensitive clod hopper!

Been there & done that & although I have glossed over in the spirit of we're a family & ultimately need to be there to support MIL, the pain is deep & longlasting.

Unfortunately, some people just lack any EQ & are severely deficent in decency...

Pair of bitches! 😮