to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

[FeralBeryl]

Oh Sham that must have been really hurtful to see
I'd smile serenely when you see them and if it's broached, simply say 'well it's best I know how you feel, I was hurt but have moved on and don't wish to discuss it now'
Whilst I said this, I would also be mentally selecting the shittest presents from the pound shop. But them hand cream that brings them out in a rash.
I would LOVE someone to knit me a blanket! And homemade dolls outfits rock. Don't let this put you off. In this modern age- handmade gifts apart from facebook shite are a lovely touch

[Bagina]

Yes but they also called you smug. They were slagging you off! I wouldn't bother to speak again. After a year or so I may be able to summon up "polite".

[HolgerDanske]

I think that in future your DH should just buy his mum and sister a small, token gift. No need for you to ever bother yourself with it again.

[diddl]

I don't get it at all tbh.

To not like handmade gifts is one thing, but to ask for them & then laugh about them?

I'd be really upset at the time that I had wasted.

Are they on glue??!!

[saffronwblue]

How utterly awful they are! You are in no way obliged to do or say anything to make them feel better.
Use the situation to put as much distance between you and them as you would really like. At Christmas get DH to drop off nasty out-of-date chocolates.

[SapphireStrange]

Pair of idiots. Bitching about presents they've ASKED for?

I wouldn't spend Christmas with them. Or be in any hurry to see them again generally.

[HoneyDragon]

They got caught out big time. Arf is right your mother is trying to redeem herself by attempting to make you out as badly behaved in front of dh. Further nasty behaviour.

I think the home made thing is a red herring. It was rude full stop to be unpleasant and rude about gifts they've received .....particularly ones they've specifically asked for. I suspect they are greedy and think stuff you've made should just be provided. And then gifts purchased for events as well. I have had experience with that attitude myself and it's not pretty.

[iminshock]

Get over it.
Move on

[HumphreyCobblers]

Gosh, that is really upsetting OP.

Your gifts sound amazing too.

They sound like very unpleasant people really, it is bad enough to bitch about this in written form but to then make YOU responsible for making her feel better about her nastiness beggars belief.

[NerrSnerr]

They were awful OP, utter bitches. I would be really hurt if this was me.

[eddielizzard]

yup no more handmade gifts!!

there is nothing to say. i'd ignore it but i would be hurt too.

[Dafspunk]

I would never speak to them ever again. And that's not sulking - it's choosing not to fraternise with toxic bitches.

[HolgerDanske]

I seriously would never engage in gift giving with them again. It's not on.

[CreepyContessaDiPlump]

That's really upsetting op. [thanks[

I once knitted my cousin a hat for Christmas, in colours she likes, in a style I thought would appeal. She held it up and went 'Oh, home-made is it?' in tones of complete disinterest and then chucked it on the table. My present from her was a fridge magnet.

The next year I asked her mum what generic tat she wanted and got her that. Lesson learned - don't waste your time on people who don't value it.

[Wayfarersonbaby]

What a nasty pair! And SIL still hasn't said anything to you? Does she have form for being nasty?

Stay on the moral high ground by being gracious, but mentally plot the gifts they are getting in future! Definitely don't get them vouchers - then they'll be able to buy something nice with them! I have a relative who sends the most awful presents and is a rude and ungrateful horror, so I have a game of waiting until the 70% off Boots sale in February and then have a bit of fun choosing the cheapest generic gift set reduced to £1.33 or whatever. (Yes, I know it's petty, but it helps me get through the next year's smile-and-thank-you-at Christmastime when said relative gives me a dustpan and brush set or similar as a gift....)

[AntiHop]

I'd find it hard to forgive such horrible behaviour. I'd tell dh to do the Xmas shopping at poundland for them.

[liquidrevolution]

May I suggest this as a Christmas present?

Bull Semen

You sound ace, I wish you were my SIL

[Rachel0Greep]

They are the ones who are completely and utterly in the wrong here, and they should bloody know that. Do they really think that you are 'sulking' after seeing such nasty stuff said abou you, and that a breezy apology will make it all good.

(FWIW, a family member is gifted at crafting, and as we do a KK for Christmas, the rest of us are jealous of whoever she is getting a gift for, because she will sometimes make something as her gift, and her stuff is amazing).

I have no words for their sheer nastiness. Beware of them somehow managing to turn this around and making out you are the one in the wrong. Steer clear, be (outwardly) gracious in any dealings with them, and to be honest, they would not be getting a gift from me again. Ever.

[VikingLady]

If you have to go round over Christmas, I'd have a quick look for the blanket (and anything else that was for them, not the kids) and take it home again. Why waste it? And if challenged I'd cheerfully say "you said you didn't want it!"

[JellyBelli]

They sound awful. But by being nasty, they have accidentally made you look good. You've had the high ground handed to you on a plate

[Shamalamalam]

I suspect they are greedy and think stuff you've made should just be provided. And then gifts purchased for events as well. I have had experience with that attitude myself and it's not pretty

With hindsight, I think you're right.

DH is definitely in charge of gift giving to his lot in future.

Thanks all!

[rogueantimatter]

They're jealous of you. IME this is a common problem with in-laws. Either that or they feel threatened by your talents and dislike the way that your fabulous gifts make them feel inferior. This ought to be their problem, but now it's become yours too,thanks to their loose tongues as they are your husband's family.

My advice is to leave things to settle. Hopefully they'll try to make it up to you in their own way. If they don't and you're willing to put the needs of the whole family above your understandable and justified hurt, then perhaps you could try to discuss this with them. This would take great care and diplomacy. Eg perhaps you could start by telling them about a talent or personality trait that they have that you admire as a start to help them deal with their own feelings.

Talk about it with your DH and see what he thinks about this approach. If his relatives are very defensive it might just escalate the situation in which case I don't think there's much you can do unfortunately.

[Laniakea]

I suspect they are greedy and think stuff you've made should just be provided.

^this - & another reason I am very fussy about who I give handmade stuff too. The majority of people have no idea how much materials cost (there's no point in including labour costs because the hours of work in knitting a lace stole for example (my mum's 60th birthday present!) makes handmade unaffordable to most people).

[coldcanary]

I knit & I know how much work, time and money goes into everything so I would be pissed off to say the least!
May I add to the generic bath set suggestion - get them from Boots and leave the 3 for 2 sticker on... Let them both wonder if they got the free gift that cost you both nothing 😄

[rogueantimatter]

Oh x-posted - I hadn't thought about them being greedy!