to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

[Overshoulderbolderholder]

To be very honest, when some mums gush on in a boastful way about their crafting and cooking with the children and how wonderful it all is setting the scene of some cheesy American Christmas movie it does get up my nose and I do find a tad of smugness goes along with it. BUT their is also more than a tad of jealousy on my part as I am not talented that way so that is a less than admirable failing on my part and maybe I misinterpret their enthusiasm as 'showing off'. However, my SIL was very talented and very kind, she is no longer with us, and everyone treasures the beautiful things she made. The, less than admirable feelings, that your MIL and SIL have expressed are their failings and, of course you would feel hurt. It will take time for you to get over it and I hope they do as much as they can to reassure you that you are loved and appreciated.

[Zucker]

A photo of your own girls as a present to their cousins! That's interesting alright. Have your own children ever received a gift of a photo of someone elses children as a matter of interest bunnyfuller?

[beccabanana]

Firstly OP you sound absolutely lovely. Don't let them bring you down. Secondly, personally I would have to do a reply all purely because if I was the person who had sent that message, I would be hoping and praying you didn't reply and it got swept under the carpet. Your SIL will be hiding under MILs apology and probably act like nothing happened when you see her. Sometimes I think you need to pull these people up, reply all in a dignified 'I'm so sorry the handmade gifts you requested were not welcomed and you feel I'm smug; I'll ensure you don't ever receive anything more in the future. Take care everyone!' And let them squirm on that.
I bet SIL will pretend nothing has happened and it will eat away at you in the future.

[sashadjas]

Wow, what dreadful snobs! Even my teenage daughter still loves my handmade gifts cos, as she says, nobody else will have them. Plus she knows I'm skint bless her! Send em a "hand-picked" lump of coal each, that'll shut the cowbahs ip!😉 x

[sashadjas]

Duhh, that'll shut the *cowbags up lol...😂 x

[SamineShaw]

Late to this party but I would MAKE SURE they got a handmade gift!

[bunnyfuller]

Oh dear. Point taken then. I thought it was good as neither my girls or theirs have other cousins and we live 600 miles apart. We hardly see thrm and they love getting together. I grew up with bugger all family around and history is repeating itself. Guess it was me clinging to the hope of some sort of connection.

[slenderisthenight]

No bunny it would have been perfect if the DN had been in the picture as well, that's all. The gift would have been about the relationship then IMO.

Rude of your DN to make the comment-perhaps she didn't realise it would reach your ears?

[Shamalamalam]

Thanks again

Been a bit busy so haven't made it back on until now, but anyway...

I've not reply-all-ed or anything. They know they've upset me, and SiL is never going to apologise - she'll say that MiL apologised for both of them.

DH spoke to his brother last night, they got the emails in all their gory glory too, and asked if I was OK, they knew I didn't foist my handmade crap on everyone and only made stuff when asked so thought his mother and sister were totally out of order.

We'll have to cross the Christmas bridge when we come to it - our kids love seeing their grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins. DH has a very elderly grandmother and every year we're never sure how many more Christmases we'll get to spend with her, so it's not just as simple as refusing to never see them again.

Reading the emails, it was started by SiL, MiL didn't really say much, but it's obvious from the tone that it's not the first time they've had a good bitch up about me before. This SiL has always been a bit prickly, she's quite critical - she hates our house (but not so much she doesn't want a free holiday!), she doesn't like our parenting, thinks we were stupid to move away when we did, etc, etc. We don't do anything right - but we've always just ignored her anyway.

I don't know...we'll see. Christmas is weeks away yet

[Aeroflotgirl]

Sil sounds like a nasty piece of work, make her nothing, be civil to her, avoid her when you can.

[ThatStewie]

Christmas is difficult as you say. But, SIL doesn't get to have a free holiday at your house ever again. If she cant apologise for behaving abominably, then she loses out.

[MothertotheLordsofmisrule]

I don't know if it's been suggested yet but I would see if you can catch the steam off your pee in a jar and hand it to them on Christmas Day.
After all you made it yourself and it's all they deserve.

Harsh maybe but I would have one of your snuggly knitted blankets, it's no trouble and it would only be cluttering up your house

[MothertotheLordsofmisrule]

Arrghh! Enter pressing fail!

The 'Harsh maybe' should be at the end of the previous sentence doh!

[Rachel0Greep]

She sounds like a right bitch, to be honest. She hates your house but still wants her free holiday. Sod that carry on for starters.

[RattyNscatty]

Yanbu ....however which us hasn't privately whinged about someone close to them? And cringed at the thought of your throw away venting getting back to the person in question.
Of course you are hurt...perhaps a bit unsure what to offer as Christmas gifts this year? And it's all a bit awkward at the moment but it will get easier. Keep the communication going and just put it behind you. You know in your heart that it's a pretty small thing really. People love you...not because you make or give them stuff but because you are you and that's enough.

A few years ago I gave up buying Christmas presents except for small children, and have requested that people don't buy us anything....unless completely inspired. Saves sooo much time, energy and money. I thoroughly recommend.