to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

[YeOldMa]

I have a relative who gives the whole family the most atrociously crafted gifts which I have to confess we have been known to have a giggle about. However, most of us appreciate the effort she goes to and each year her skills are getting better so one day we could end up with a gift to be proud of. We have tried as a family to suggest that gifts for the children only is the way forward but she isn't having any of it; it obviously gives her great pleasure to craft them.

[YeOldMa]

You sound like a love person Sham and, in a way, they have actually handed you the gift of freedom. As you know how they feel about you now, you'll be able to choose how much you want to see them, give gifts to them and open up your house to them. Good on your OH for standing by you too. Their behaviour only reflects on them; they were probably expecting you to be more badly behaved in your reactions and you've been so dignified, it just shows them up more.

[pollyglot]

I think you've been very dignified, OP. I'd be INCANDESCENT!

[Deathstarevicki]

I would cut them off. Spend christmas with your loved ones and with people who love and appreciate you. I wouldn't give those people any of my time or energy.

[Notmuchtosay1]

Gosh. I think I'd hit reply to all saying that you don't usually make gifts but as they'd asked for the doll and blanket you'd made them. Then all the family will know that they'd actually asked. Sorry if that's been said already as I haven't read all replies.

[elfies]

Send an open message to all stating you've always made the gifts people requested and made them with love. As little love is now felt, your husband will be in charge of gifts

[slenderisthenight]

I would say, 'So sorry to read these comments and find my handmade gifts are unwelcome. They were made in response to requests from you but lesson learned. All the best.' And then hit reply all.

[dansmum]

Their emails and apologies /lack of say a lot about them and give you the moral high ground here. Emails are notoriously hard to interpret emotionally...not a good way to communicate what you feel. If you have children and so a christmas visit is unavoidable , I think you need to be the bigger person here and just call up and say, thankyou for your apology..I was hurt by the comments but your apology really did help so thankyou. When we visit on ( insert date) lets not dwell on it, we have planned will bring a bottle of wine to share and just exchan(ge gifts for the children..thst way we can all move on without it overshadowing anyones xmas. I thought I'd say something now so there's no awkwardness when we meet up...Win win all round! You look like the epitome of grace and conciliation...anything they do following that will just look churlish..

[Millymollymanatee]

I love homemade craft gifts, they're far more meaningful than something shop bought.

I think your MIL and SIL have been horrible but life is too short, rise above it and move on.

[Waltermittythesequel]

See, I think people get accused of smugness because they will go on about how much more meaningful a homemade gift is. And that's not always the case.

Although I do love the sound of the blanket that OP made, I am not a fine of homemade stuff.

I see threads on here about the gin and skittles vodka, or the jams, or worse; the stuff their dc make (makes me shudder) and I just cringe a bit. I don't know why. I'm sure it's perfectly nice. It's just not my idea of a present.

However, I would never be horrible to someone who made something for me, especially if I'd bloody well asked for it!

[bunnyfuller]

Hate this. People treating you like shit then expecting it to all go away. Heaven forbid they have to face up to being spiteful bastards. The fact that they'd prefer some generic crap shows what shallow, vapid fucktards they are. I got my nieces a pretty photo frame with a pic of my girls in, in a vain attempt to forge some sort of relationship between them. 3 years later it came out that she 'was disgusted with the pointless presents'. Yes, email Amazon vouchers are so much more caring. Fuck em all.

[user1478213524]

Homemade stuff can be really crap, having to pretend to be happy to get it and then put it somewhere, would much prefer nothing instead home cheap homemade crap.

[stretch]

RTFT user23457654321345678900099887765543323344 😒🙄 the 'stuff' was asked for.
You sound lovely Shamalamalam, as do your presents. Don't waste another minute worrying about them :)

[Waltermittythesequel]

bunny you gave someone a picture of your children as a present??

[bunnyfuller]

To their cousins in a decent frame, yes. As part of a present.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

I can sort of see how that might have been misconstrued.

Generally (generally!) speaking, it's really only grandparents who're happy to receive photos of your children...

[Mummyme1987]

I would buy £50 worth of cow or goat in their names each, they then know you would have spent that on them but also you think they are a cow.

[Mummyme1987]

I might be tempted to write in the cards, presents given to the people who actually are grateful this year.

[Mymouthgetsmeintrouble]

I would be making them a crocheted cow each and refuse to spend any time at all with them , poundshops do bubble bath maybe they would prefer that

[slenderisthenight]

I think it's very odd to give another child a picture of your children. Rude, really. It should be a picture in which they are featured as well. If that is how you foster a bond, I expect they hate each other.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Yeah, sorry bunny but I'm with your cousin.

That's a really weird (and crap) thing to give to someone, especially a child!

[AlexaTwoAtT]

She said it was part of their present.

[RosaliesGinBottle]

My kids adore looking at photos of friends and family so would have liked the framed photo. Horses for courses :) But then, we also treasure handknitted dolls clothes AND love an Amazon gift voucher :)

[agentmarmalade]

Ive only read the first page of this, but felt compelled to reply! Firstly, everyone else in the email group has seen how cruel they are to you. I wouldn't need to reply to any of it, it speaks for itself. I also would not buy them anything for Christmas nor would I spend time with them.
Concentrate your attention on people who DO care about you and respect you, otjerwise you will end up being very very unhappy.
Your homemade gifts sound lovely, by the way. Don't let them put you down. I hope you feel better soon and I hope you have a lovely Christmas after all.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Rosalie you're spot on.

It's just different tastes is all.

The problem with the OP is that they asked for these things.