to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

They're so blatantly jealous of your crafty skills. Rude, daft bitches. Leave them to stew.

I wish you were my in law and I got your presents

Wow, what a pair of witches.
Who exactly made out that you were sulking? I think I missed that bit.

Wow it says more about them than you.

Trifle, did you see the bit where OP said that they ASKED SPECIFICALLY for the home made gifts?

I don't get it, the MIL has phoned and apologised personally. The OP hasn't said what the MIL said to make her think the MIL wants her (the MIL)to feel better. You either accept the apology on the spot or not.

MamaheSan, my dear late DH always said "scraf" instead of "scarf", on purpose, of course. This made me think of him.

Omg that's awful :( my family appreciate handmade gifts and they are completely out of order, I wouldn't immediately accept their apology either - they're only sorry they got found out being spiteful, not for what they said :(

Wow what a. Nasty pair of witches, their true colours have come out. Next time, make them zilch, even if they ask. Even though she apologised, that would make me think less of them, I woukd be distancing myself, and seeing them at the bare minimum.

for you OP. What a horrid thing to say. I do a lot of crafting and make a lot of handmade gifts (not homemade - thats for cookery sayeth the wise ladies at my sewing group) and my Mum often makes remarks like "wouldn't it be better to buy something". Well anybody can go into a shop and buy something. Takes 5 minutes. But to be given something handmade says to me that the giver has put not only thought, but time and effort in and I'm always touched when people feel I am worth spending that amount of effort on.

Trifel, they asked her to make them things, than bitch about her. Nasty!

Just leave gift giving up to your DJ for his family you do yours.

& in future if they ask for handmade gifts, say no.

Why are people suggesting the OP sends them anything at all?

The pair of jealous cows have slagged her off behind her back!

No gifts. They don't deserve gifts.

You've accepted your MIL's apology, but you are allowed to be hurt for as long as it takes you to heal, OP.

Apologies like theirs are meaningless, imo. It just means 'sorry I got caught being a cunt.'

To which the only reply can be, 'yes, you did, didn't you? But at least we all know where we stand now.'

And then no gifts. Ever.

No you don't have to accept the apology on the spot on not, you can respond exactly as you choose (except smacking them though that would be tempting)

I love the gifts my sister makes for me. I treasure them because she made them for me. Better than a tub of Boots hand cream any day.

but apparently it looks like I'm sulking

I don't get it - what are you supposed to be doing? You have told MIL that you are grateful for her apology. What more are they expecting? Should you be performing a can-can in their front room with lyrics about how lovely they really are and that all is forgiven? If you had been churlish and said "I don't accept your apology at all and you are horrible" then they might have a point (not one that I agree with btw - they are bitches). Perhaps your dh should ask them point blank what they think you should be doing to make them feel better for being utter cows?!!

I know, Aero, it's mean, but if my in-laws don't laugh at me behind my back I'd be very shocked! SIL needs more thought but MIl has stepped up and apologised. I don't think OP needs to kiss her backside but I think to err is human, to forgive is divine

"They're not obliged to love your homemade gifts ..."

Since they've only been given things they have specifically asked for they sort of are! Or at least to be suitably grateful.

Like you OP I only give homemade gifts to people who request them, I hate the thought of foisting unwanted stuff on people!

I would just leave it now, don't do anything ... they want you to make them feel better. That's not your responsibility. I don't know what their motivation was but calling you smug implies a degree of jealousy.

You're right you don't have to be gushing and enthusiastic about the apologies because they are apologies for being caught out not for what was said. Your MIL expects you to gush over an apology for her and her daughter calling you smug? They have clearly shown what they think of you and your gifts and now expect you to be happy because they were forced into apologising by virtue of the fact they were careless enough to be caught out - no way.

I would tell them to leave me out of their plans for Christmas and that I wouldn't be giving them any gifts this Christmas and neither want nor expect any from them.

Save your time and money and use it on people who appreciate it and you more than they obviously do.

I agree with Inertia your DH can sort cards and gifts for his side of the family.

After reading your update, I'm annoyed for you. They have previously requested handmade items that you spent time/expertise creating, but are now calling you smug and your gifts crappy.

What does your DH make of this? Is he supporting you?

YANBU at all. You've politely said it's ok, you shouldn't have to do anymore than that.

I feel so bad for you - it must have been awful watching that! You poor thing.

I would never make them anything homemade again. It's an absolutely lovely thing when someone takes the time and effort to make something personally - and they clearly don't appreciate it. Can't believe their cheek in asking you for homemade gifts, then slagging you off for producing them.

And yes, you have no obligation to gush or make them feel better. I don't think you have a right to be rude back (I'm sure you wouldn't anyway, you sound lovely), but quiet and reserved is fine.

She only apologied because she was publically caught out. Thats on par with 'Im sorry if you are upset by XYZ' (ie not really an apology).

What has your DH said or done to support you? I'd be leaving future present buying to him.

I would reply all- you were in the email, you get to reply. Wait a day before you send it, and check you still like what you have written.

I would be really dignified about it-
I'm sad to see you don't like handmade presents- it has been my family's tradition to spend time making things for people we love. I appreciate now it isn't to everyone's taste. I will do something simpler in future. (And suggest going "kids only" if that is what you want to do.)

They have been rude and thoughtless, but it probably isn't worth feeling hurt about it- it says more about them than you.

Sorry, I waffled so much in my original OP it ended up really long, so I cut a load of bits out.

I should have said MiL rang DH last night (just for a catch up chat) and she asked how I wasn't I was speaking to her. DH said I was fine but I was quite hurt about it all and she said "it just looks like Sham's sulking now"

DH has had words and I'm not going to send anymore emails or anything like that.

and yes definitely to letting dh deal with gifts for 'his' side. Makes life much easier all around!