Gift for boyfriend was not well received

[Lottiegal]

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

Just p*ssed off he didn't like it. I liked it

Abigamarone, I explained who designed it when he opened it, that the designer made it for the Danish national bank (my partner works in finance so thought it was an extra connection)
He said he looked up the price and when he realised how much it was he thought he should exchange it

Who on earth actually looks up the price of a gift?! That's enough of a reason to think twice about the relationship.

Wow how rude is he! Who looks up the price of gifts. Get your money back, and treat yourself to something nice.

I woukd dump him, this is the sign of things to come. The clock sounds fantastic, they are always useful, I am always looking at my various clicks at home, as my mobile us shoved in my bag.

Did you tell him to let you know if he didn't like it?

I think it's ok that he has let you know. I think it would be a horrible waste of money for you to have spent so much on something he didn't like. Hopefully he felt bad telling you but I think it's better than saying nothing. You could argue that it shows how comfortable he feels with you. I think it's different to a naff cushion as it's so much more of a statement.

Another possibility is that he feels uncomfortable that you spent so much money on him?

If I were you I would be dissapointed but I would genuinely be glad he told me he didn't like it. I'd suggest a trip out to choose something together.

Or he could just be an arse....

He just wants £200 spent on tech instead. Sounds like you have been very thoughtful. He didnt have to goad you and say he didnt like design classics, he actually likes tech and you know that.

He should have stopped at I dont want you spending that much but he hasnt said that, he as said he wants it exchanging when he saw the price so wants equal value on something he does want. Fuck him. Take it back and get nothing.

My ex bf got is so so SO wrong at my birthday. It wasnt an expensive wrong either. it was a cheap wrong. i was a bit peeved as I had bought him expensive cufflinks for his birthday.

I didnt say a word while together. Until I caught him cheating. Then when we were having a huge break up row I said I am sorry I bought you links of london when you bought me cheap shit from ebay / amazon.

Ouch. But when it was a loving relationship, never would I say a word, just steer him towards things I did like.

At first, reading this I thought you were being over sensitive...I'm of the belief that if someone doesn't like a gift or can't use it, I'd rather they tell me as I want to get them something they love.

HOWEVER

He looked up the price!

Rude bastard!

I think he probably realised how much it cost and thought it was better to be honest rather than him having it on the wall and hating it and you having wasted your money. However, the 'what would I do with a clock?' comment wasn't on - it's suggesting you were stupid to buy it in the first place, which is just cruel. I think I might have suggested what he could do with it at that point!

If .. this bloke loved you he'd had smiled and said it was wonderful :)

And thanked you profusely.

Oh I think he was graceless about it and sounded a bit of an arse about it. But I also know that sometimes we don't like the gifts we receive - however well chosen and thoughtfully given. My XH quite often over the years returned gifts I got him to the shop (mainly clothes but other things too) - and I didn't mind because I preferred he got something he liked and would wear or use than shove it to the back of the cupboard which would then have been a complete waste of money. I did it occassionally too. And a recent BF I had never put on the wall the print I carefully chose for him and I always felt a bit sad about that. Its probably still down the back of his wardrobe....

What information he has provided, he was both rude and insensitive "what will I do with a clock comment", and looking up the price "I am not into design classics like that, you know I like tech" keep the money op, this woukd be a dealbreaker.

Seeing that he looked the price up and thought it should be exchanged...it suggests that if the clock had been cheaper he would have kept it as he did take it graciosuly when given.

He went away and looked up the price and wants the full £200 spent to his liking instead. That is very very rude.

No, he wants the cash?! What a grasping dickhead...

*He looked up the price!

Rude bastard!*

Couldn't that be because he didn't like it, but thought 'if it was only 20 quid I'll stick it on the wall in the spare room and pretend I like it' - whereas he was uncomfortable that she'd spent ten times that?

Couldn't that be because he didn't like it, but thought 'if it was only 20 quid I'll stick it on the wall in the spare room and pretend I like it' - whereas he was uncomfortable that she'd spent ten times that?

Yes. One theory.

but the comments: what would I want with a clock and it isnt me and you know I like tech are just bloody rude. No other way to look at it.

Sorry I don't think he wanted it exchanged necessarily, he just said I should return it. I worked out he'd looked up the price as he kept saying it was expensive, and I thought how would you know?! So I asked him and he confessed he'd checked. He said he didn't want me spending that on him, that he just wanted to be with me for the weekend and he didn't need gifts. This just makes me feel like I'm not his girlfriend though, I mean who wouldn't get a gift for someone's 40th? That would be mean!

Why the drip feed?

That is perfectly acceptable way to say thanks but no thanks.

but we dont hear until page 3?

To be fair, I know the exact clock you are talking about and I think it's definitely an acquired taste.

It also doesn't look that expensive to my untrained eye I wouldn't pay £5 for it, sorry OP, and I really wouldn't want a boyfriend of a few months to buy me something like that.

That said, I do think you put a lot of lovely thought into the gift (he likes nice designs and he works in finance). I think he's on the same wave length as me - just thinks it's too much!

Can you return it and spend it on a nice day out or meal?

ugh, it's horrible when you haven't been dating someone for any length of time and then it's suddenly their bloody sodding birthday. Impossible to know how to play it. £200 was way too much money - you were focusing on "his 40th" when you should've focused on "6 months". I know it feels like a significant period of time to be dating someone, but it's not.

Agree with him wholeheartedly, return it and give him a cheap-ass £5 techy toy clock thing as a joke. Or nothing.

I think he meant it that he just wanted your company at the weekend. The men I've known aren't bothered about presents at all, weirdly especially when they're keen on someone.

Yeah well there's no doubt I'll be returning it! You're right it was probably too much early doors in the relationship. He did say we could return it and he could choose something else... that's when he mentioned he liked tech so maybe he did have that it mind 🤔 Argh it's so tricky! I don't think I'll get something else though

Bit cheeky of him to be saying he could 'choose something else'

you are only 6 months in. He isn't a partner or a husband. He and you are both at the trying to impress stage.

So ...

If he was really into you, he would have thought whatever you gave him was wonderful (even if he thought it sucked) because you gave it to him

If he was well-mannered and kind, he'd have said thank you so much, love it. And then when your relationship hit the 2 year mark or whatever over a few glasses of wine would have confessed to you that he didn't really like it. You'd have laughed and told the story of the elephant cushion.

But he didn't. He was ill mannered in my world view (which is presents usually get "thank you how wonderful/lovely/thoughtful") and also fairly unkind. And not really demonstrating a "whatever you do is lovely" vibe.

If I were you I wouldn't make any changes to your relationship based on this. But I would definitely file it away.

I would consider the future of the relationship

He has no manners or grace.

I would also definitely tell him in return you didn't like the cushion.

His responses are also a very clear "I'm just not that into you" on several levels