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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift for boyfriend was not well received

621 replies

Lottiegal · 31/10/2016 23:15

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Chrissy1982 · 02/11/2016 18:25

You should have tried Kristoffer Vural at Young Modern or Pia Wallen, both exemplify Swedish design and buy leather from me. :-)

JuicyJ · 02/11/2016 18:30

Ungrateful git, he could of accepted it graciously and the fact he has not would put doubts in my mind - not a keeper...

rockcake · 02/11/2016 18:32

So the boyfriend said "what would I want with a clock....?"

What do most people want with a clock?

He sounds a bit of a cold fish. My advice is proceed with caution.

bikerlou · 02/11/2016 18:36

I would have been very hurt, I think that's very rude. Gifts are a mine field, I never know what to get people and wish they would just say what they want like I always do. I wouldn't expect a guy to guess what to get me.

Lanaorana1 · 02/11/2016 18:48

What does it for me is the fact he looked the price up and came back to you wanting 200 quids' worth of new stuff for himself. It's really not about anyone but him, here, is it.

Anyone who says they are into design and doesn't want a Jacobsen clock is a Wilko-loving ponce, by the way.

Get a refund, then pay for the next takeaway 'for your bday as I know you like it' if you're feeling generous.

Is he mean?

markg71 · 02/11/2016 18:48

I think you both sound pretty good. You sound kind and he seems honest. It's not easy to be rejected or to reject but it's more important not to pretend. Without wanting to upset you, maybe he didn't like it the moment that he saw it but didn't want to hurt your feelings so he pretended at first. He cares enough to not carry on pretending and hasn't hidden it/forgotten about it - he values a gift from you enough to say that he'd prefer something different and it may not have been easy telling you this (perhaps then the slightly crap joke about what to do with a clock?). It's a material present, that you chose based on your assumption of his taste - what does it matter that you didn't get it right? What might matter far more is how you now accommodate each other rather than getting it "right" every tme.

Horsepower9 · 02/11/2016 19:00

YNBU You put a lot of thought into a lovely gift. He is an ungrateful nob. Perhaps you don't share as much as much as you thought?

Minaktinga · 02/11/2016 19:12

Ah I got my DHs birthday gift really wrong the first year we were together. Now I know to type "Star Trek" into a suitable shopping website and it'll be fine! At least he was honest. I wouldn't read too much into it.

CheeryPoinsettia · 02/11/2016 19:12

Its too soon for expensive gifts... it would rattle my cage no end. any gift is a bit much at 6 months.

SherbrookeFosterer · 02/11/2016 19:19

Give him the cash, tell him to buy what he wants but dump him.

If he treats you like this after six months, what is he going to be like in a year's time?

Fall in love with your eyes open.

averil7 · 02/11/2016 19:25

OMG what an expensive present - you have fab taste. Why did he say he liked it in the first place - so annoying

LittlePaintBox · 02/11/2016 19:36

I'd get the money back but not buy him another present, the ungracious git.

ArchibaldsDaddy · 02/11/2016 19:45

Mixed views on this...it's good that he can tell you that he didn't like something. Quite a bold move going for a clock for a gift...this is always a matter of personal taste.

However, the way he has gone about tell you is a little ungracious.

Secretsandlies222 · 02/11/2016 19:50

"*What does it for me is the fact he looked the price up and came back to you wanting 200 quids' worth of new stuff for himself. It's really not about anyone but him, here, is it. "

Lana, have you not read the thread? This is not what he suggested at all. This is information being twisted and embellished to fit a certain narrative.
OP, I'm glad that's all sorted.

Psychomumsucks · 02/11/2016 20:00

I don't see it as rude at all at least he is honest and feels comfortable enough with you to say he didn't like t, I can see your point of view in being upset but you are only together a short time which would explain your reaction.

Offred · 02/11/2016 20:01

Glad it is resolved. I agree with him that £200 was overkill. He has my respect for being honest with you too.

All part of the getting to know you thing I think!

I really don't like the clock though BTW not that that is relevant at all

lukeymom · 02/11/2016 20:04

He probably didn't look nice on his walls. But saying that he seems an ungrateful git.

lukeymom · 02/11/2016 20:07

He probably didn't think it looked nice on his walls. Having said that, he seems like an ungrateful git.

MikeUnicornMike · 02/11/2016 20:12

He is being insensitive but maybe he doesn't like the clock and has no need for it. Maybe he is embarrassed that you spent so much on him. I would take back the clock and get a refund and offer to get him something else (that cost a whole lot less).
In the meantime, watch out for any signs that he might not be the one for you.

deedeegee · 02/11/2016 20:24

YANBU
My ex boyfriend did the same with a cashmere scarf even telling me who in his family he was going to give it to for Christmas! I thought given the lack of love and affection he had had, growing up that something nice and soft and comforting would fit the bill.... but no!

Jessikita · 02/11/2016 20:37

I'm really sorry but I think he did the right thing. Would he rather you wasted the money on something he would shove in a drawer? Taste is very personal.

Ginseng1 · 02/11/2016 22:13

I feel for you putting so much thought in n getting rebuffed as such. I do think £200 too much to spend on gift on bf of 6 months ESP something so personal. but that's just me!

Jayfee · 02/11/2016 23:06

I really think this can be a family thing, as in how you were brought up and how gifts were virwef. Some give expensive gifts and may or may not get what the person wants. I would prefer to be like the Queen and swap bath salts rather than angst over whether I have made the right choice.
As he waited till after the event, I think he was trying to be sensitive. If you are serious about him don't let something as small as this bother you.

WanderingStar1 · 02/11/2016 23:09

Haven't read the full thread, but he sounds a bit like my DH. He has always been disconcertingly 'honest' (i.e sometimes rude) but it's hard to argue with the facts he presents. He's happy to tell me how I really look - whether I ask or not! (At least I know he means it if he says anything nice!). He has told me he doesn't like certain presents, and has said the same to his mother - doesn't want us to waste our money on things he doesn't want. He tells me if he doesn't like the food I've cooked 'because I might want to know for next time?' It sounds awful but he's not being mean, he genuinely thinks it's sensible to tell people what you like rather than pretend. So - when our son was diagnosed with Aspergers and I started reading about autism, all became clear! I wonder if your DP is on the spectrum - so many adults are undiagnosed and cope perfectly well, but a few giveaways are things like this! I may be way off the mark with your DP but I'm far more tolerant of DH now I can see where he's coming from (even though he completely refuses to accept the ASD angle, but he knows his mates have always thought him 'one of a kind' and they and I do laugh about some of his oddball ways...!). Anyway - in your case, 20 years ago I'd have said LTB (and wouldn't have put up with mine, then, but I've become more tolerant/less entitled with age Grin), but now - actually - he may be nothing more than a tactless git but at least if he says he likes something you'll know he means it! At the end of the day, one set of hurt feelings and a learning curve is hopefully not a deal-breaker if the rest is good? Good luck!

WanderingStar1 · 02/11/2016 23:15

Oops sorry - I wrote my message after looking at a thread summary which only had six pages (as I suspect did some of the most recent posters). So glad you've sorted it all out, anyway.

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