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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gift for boyfriend was not well received

621 replies

Lottiegal · 31/10/2016 23:15

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 02/11/2016 23:41

I don't like presents and don't do them unless people say exactly what they want. Fortunately, DH is great at presents so that's fine.
Many years ago a boyfriend gave me a really hideous ornament as a present. It was so hideous I just said I don't like it. He kept it for himself and despite having upset me didn't offer to get it changed or replaced. It truly was useless and hideous and that was how it made me feel.
I think he had gone into a dept store at 5.25 pm on Xmas Eve and bought something in desperation. I had spent quite a lot on his present - he'd pointed out what he'd like. We split up not long afterwards.

Theladyloriana · 02/11/2016 23:46

Anyone who says they are into design and doesn't want a Jacobsen clock is a Wilko-loving ponce, by the way.

mammamic · 03/11/2016 02:09

good that it's all sorted.

I think he was quite brave and it's admirable that he had the courage, and felt comfortable enough with you, to say that he didn't like the gift - that's not an easy thing to do. I also thought - single mum, kids - he probably thinks £200 is way to much - even more so given you've only been together 6 months.

OP's original comments suggest that initially, it was more annoyance and upset at him not liking the present rather than how he communicated. OP text did come across as a bit Glenn Close.

The most interesting thing for me though, is that 6 months is considered a long term relationship to the point of discussing moving in together with kids in tow... Genuine surprise. Is this common? I'd have to know someone at least that long before I introduced them to the children - and that would be a quick half hour.

Maybe I'm just old and out of touch...

mammamic · 03/11/2016 02:10

PS - clock is great. will be trawling ebay to see if I can get one at a price I can afford. Love it.

Serialweightwatcher · 03/11/2016 09:24

So why didn't he just say 'don't want you to spend too much on me', not he doesn't like clock - bit this thread

wheresthewine36 · 03/11/2016 10:06

I'm shocked that some people seem to think this is a reason to end an otherwise good relationship!
OP, you say he originally accepted the gift with good grace and thanked you for it, do it doesn't sound as though he was being churlish or ungrateful. It obviously isn't to his taste and perhaps on reflection he realised that not telling you it wasn't his cup of tea may lead to problems further on in the relationship.
My ex bought me a necklace years ago which was very much not to my taste but I told him I loved it and wore it often when I would be seeing him. He then bought me a matching bracelet. Then matching earrings. Then another necklace in the same (hideous, to me) style. I fervently wished I had been honest with him in the first place and avoided a whole collection of jewellery I don't actually like

ninja · 03/11/2016 10:08

Incidentally - the best flour for GF pancakes is half tapioca and half rice flour - much research done by my mum. DD made them for food tech and we're now converted :)

manicmij · 03/11/2016 12:35

A clock! Even ancient folk would not want a clock no matter how stylish. Appreciating it would not be cheap surely you would rather he was honest and told you it was not to his liking. Choose something together now from his favourite designer. A clock! for a 40 year old, still cannot believe it.

KirstyLaura · 03/11/2016 14:02

Just spent a good while of my free time reading through this thread, it's like Eastenders but better haha! Glad it all worked out. It's easy to make a snap judgment on a single example of overreacting, but he seems a gooden so i'm glad you sorted it out.

Floggingmolly · 03/11/2016 14:43

What's so bizarre about a clock, manic, that even ancient people wouldn't want one? Are you perhaps mistaking a clock for something else?

BarInSpace · 03/11/2016 14:57

I'm not particularly ancient and would like a clock. Mind you, I also like a lot of things in Wilkos

GiddyOnZackHunt · 03/11/2016 16:11

We've got lots of clocks. Some new, some old.

ClassmateHB · 03/11/2016 17:02

Im 34 and love clocks and watches. DP has bought me a watch two years in a row (different styles, one sports, one nice) and I'd bloody love a clock!

oleoleoleole · 04/11/2016 07:04

If this has happened over a gift you bought he didn't like God help you both when so,etching serious happens. I think I'd be calling it a day. He could be wanting to end the relationship and would feel guilty about keeping clock. Who knows.

Getmoving · 04/11/2016 07:19

Is the elephant cushion from habitat? I bought one but didn't like it and sent it back .

pollymere · 05/11/2016 12:00

Maybe he's serious enough about you to want to base your relationship on honesty. I had to tell my husband that I actually didn't like my engagement ring. Otherwise your stuck with something for ever. That clock would have been on t
display forever. It's tricky and hurtful but I think long term view has to be that he did the right thing.

MartiLou · 05/11/2016 12:52

He does sound a bit insensitive, but I get him... I wish I had the balls to return some of my bd gifts LOL I'm very particular about things I own. You've only been together 6 months, and it's sooooo difficult to buy gifts for men especially if they are the kind of people who already own everything they need.

hauxb001 · 05/11/2016 16:35

"He has taste "......he bought you
A cushion with an elephant picture on it ! ?

BringBackPacers22 · 12/11/2016 14:10

I hate wasting money and hence me and my DH never surprise each other, we have wishlists and we stick to them. Some people think It's unromantic but I love the fact that my man has never queried my quirky attitude and gone with it. Given that your boyfriend didn't tell you immediately I would consider him polite. I suspect he probably gave it some consideration before letting you know, maybe even seeking advice from others. I know you are upset that you got his taste wrong, but it's early days and if he didn't tell you now you would never get to know him better. I know someone who has a roomful of badger related stuff, because on receipt of a child's present once she politely said. 'Oo thanks, I love badgers!' (She didn't.) But people overheard and have been buying her badger stuff ever since. ( Incidently she has grown to love them now.) Don't be offended, try and find out what exactly he didn't like about it, so you can learn for the future. Or if he is as awkward as I am, consider wishlists for the future, it may be his only quirk and you don't want to throw away a good man over one slight quirk.

Notsurewhy2020 · 12/11/2016 17:00

Knock-off Neil is selling the exact same clock for a tenner

Aww, OP. On the one hand, I think he sucks. But on the other, he's been honest. I know it's slightly different but I remember getting a (ghastly) jumper from my Aunt, a few years back. All that smiling through gritted teeth, knowing it would be lining the dog bed, was not fun. Similarly, I have given gifts that people have openly not liked.

RedElephants · 12/11/2016 19:25

i'll have the cushion, I love elephants..

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