Gift for boyfriend was not well received

[Lottiegal]

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

Did he actually block you on WhatsApp? (Seeing as that is now feeding DoinItFine's keen desire for drama!) Even WhatsApp are pretty cagey about how to tell if someone actually has.

www.whatsapp.com/faq/en/general/21092978

"If you see all of the above indicators for a contact, this could mean that the person is blocking you. However, there are other possibilities. We have made this intentionally ambiguous in order to protect your privacy when you block someone. Thus, we cannot tell you if you are being blocked by someone else."

Ok he researches the whole of town to find gluten free restaurants because I have a genetic condition which means I can't tolerate it. He buys special flours to find the best mix to make me pancakes as he knows I love them and haven't been able to eat them for ages. He researches all the train times to makes sure my journey is the quickest and easiest possible. When I was really ill with a complaint of my condition, he took the day off work came down and looked after my kids, including cleaning my house from top to bottom, cooking and ironing for me.

Any good partner would do that for you.

Mind you the last guy I dated spoke of his low tolerance for arseholes. One example being a gf with a food allergy and it pissed him off as there were places they couldnt eat because of it.

Noodles

Didn't quite get that, was he suggesting she was an arsehole because she was allergic to gluten?

Not every guy would do that stuff, my last husband certainly didn't!

Yes lottie. He was pissed off with her for having a food allergy (not gluten) that wouldnt exclude her from eating that much. he acknowledged it wasn't even her fault but it still annoyed him.

not had a relationship longer than 6 months.

Mind you the last guy I dated spoke of his low tolerance for arseholes. One example being a gf with a food allergy and it pissed him off as there were places they couldnt eat because of it

Don't blame him - selfish bitch, having a reaction to onions/nuts/whatever. They do it on purpose, you know . Allergy sufferers have no thought for other people - the ones who have to live with them . . .

arabhorses

Ooooh! What an amazing link - I LOVE ormolu .. .

Ugh I feel for you OP. No wonder you hate the fucking thing now. All the drama! He was pretty ungracious and ungrateful about it all. Just file it away under "interesting facts" and don't exactly forget, but move on.

I gave DH a beautiful shiny big new tool box full of beautiful shiny fun looking new tools for his birthday the first year after we moved in together. He was devastated. I thought it was a great gift and would have been thrilled with it although friends have since pointed out that it was like giving a hoover to a woman

Presents are a fucking minefield in a lot of relationships.

Oh I know 2Kids

Of all the things you could be pissed off at in a partner that shouldn't be one of them.

"We were arranging a weekend away together but everything I sugggested wasn't right"
Without knowing the background how can we comment on. this maybe it wasn't right, perhaps he was working seeing family or the OP suggested a rock climbing weekend and he's afraid of heights! Who knows?
"He says things that irk me"
Everyone says things that irk other people. No one is perfect. If it pisses the OP off then maybe they are not compatible but this does not make him a misogynist.
"He's direct sometimes in the way he talks to me"
See point above re incompatibility.
"He almost seemed annoyed I got it for him"
Note the almost. Maybe he was annoyed the OP (who may not have loads of money this is unclear) had spent that quite a lot of her money on a clock or him in general. Maybe he wasn't annoyed but embarrassed or worried that he didn't like it and the OP obviously wanted him too and there was miscommunication between them.
Or maybe on this flimsy evidence we can condem this man man as a "nasty cunt".

As far as I can see the OP's partner has never called her unhinged and petty.

I agree, a lot of men wouldn't do all that stuff...

i wouldn't want someone looking up my travel routes.

i am perfectly capable......

Lottie, I'd trust your own judgement here. Some women have very low standards and are baffled when other women enforce theirs. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like this; quite simply because I'm sensitive, like you, and want to stay that way.

trusting her own judgment as had her raging on here and raging on whatsapp risking a break up......

OP he sounds a throughly decent caring individual definitely forget the clock business have a laugh over it now and spend the £200 having a lovely gluten free meal somewhere.

Well exactly he's not perfect but neither am I (as you can clearly tell 🤐) But I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt. I did think he needed to be called up on his 'direct approach' at talking to me. So yes if he can't handle it in return it will be a problem. This does make things very confrontational though so I'm hoping he's also learned this lesson - that it's not very nice to be spoken to that way. Maybe he'll temper his comments in future

"OP he sounds a throughly decent caring individual"

Based on what? I am astonished that someone could conclude this.

Noodles*

I thought that was THE cushion. I was going to offer it a home (it doesn't match anything in our house, but I like bright, shiny things). I was very disappointed to find it was just a generic elephant cushion.

They should do one of those reaction videos on YouTube with someone reading this thread... I started with annoyance at the boyfriend, then after more information I was willing them to sort it out and move on, then I cringed hard at that over-dramatic text, then I was upset for the OP when she was blocked, and then cringed again when she messaged him to be unblocked.

It is early days, you have seen that much if each other, you both need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Good luck OP I hope it all works out for you.

Isn't there a saying in English - "Don't look in the gift horse's mouth?" I think he could learn from this.
The OP gave a very thoughtful gift. It doesn't matter whether he liked it or not (though how anyone could take offence at a round, flat, white clock is beyond me). Nor does it matter how much it cost. That's up to the OP, not him. He should have the integrity to value the thought and kindness which is the whole point of a gift anyway.

Pushing. The man researches gluten free Resturants for the OP, buys special flours to make her pancakes because he knows she loves them but hasn't been able to eat one for ages, he looks up train times for her and finds the quickest routes (a very tedious job) and when she was ill takes the day off work came to see her, he clearly doesn't live round the corner, cooks cleans and even does the bloody ironing did he also clean the loo? . Ok so they don't share the same taste in clocks/cushions but if that's not the start of behaving decently I don't know what is.

I just hope none of his colleagues asked what he got for his birthday and then saw this thread.