Gift for boyfriend was not well received

[Lottiegal]

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

QueenLiz

My parents did this too "What do you want for Christmas?" "Oooh! I'd like an X please" "Would you not rather have a Y?" "No, thank you. I don't like them and I would never use one. An X , please." "But a Y is better - and it's much more expensive/bigger/more professional-looking and you can also use it for Z." "I don't want a Y. I would like an X. I don't like Ys. I don't want one." Christmas Day - Guess what? A Y!

Worse - often my sister would also have asked for an X - and she would get one. When I said anything it was - "Well, we don't need to X's in the one house, and we thought a Y would be better for you. Anyway - she's younger (3 years) she finds it hard to understand.

That final explanation might have cut it when I was 6 and she was 3, but it was still the one they used when I was 30 and she was 27. It was worse with my youngest sister - she remained the baby well into her 40's, and only lost her status when parents and grandparents were dead.

Worse - often my sister would also have asked for an X - and she would get one.

2kids2dogs

Same here. Whatever sister asked for, she got. And still does.

He sounds like an ungrateful little s**t.

Of course it's controlling. There's no need to block someone. Just don't reply if you're busy. I know someone like this who punishes his gf by defriending her on fb every few weeks and readding her when she has grovelled. He's not a nice man.
A good person wouldn't give a gift back or would at least show concern that the op was upset at the first opportunity.
And I don't get the 'what if he thought it was hideous' comments either. It's a completely plain, inoffensive clock. You may not love it but it's not some kind of rainbow coloured dildo he had to put on his wall! When the look of an interior wall is more important than your partners feelings and having basic manners you've got a problem imo.

QueenLiz

It's good that neither of us a bitter about it, isn't it? ( grinds teeth )

It's good that neither of us a bitter about it, isn't it?

Oh yes....just great there is no bitterness 2kids.

'I think you sound nice and sane he sounds a bit odd tbh'

Really? They've only been involved for 6 months and only at weekends. She's already offered to decorate his walls despite knowing he's a minimalist, multiple times. He told her not to get her anything for his birthday, multiple times. She spunked £200 on a clock. He reacted. She messaged him and he blocked her. She still pressed on. He relented. But he's the odd one?

If she had been a woman posting the same situation but with the roles reversed, people would be telling her to run for the hills, that he's controlling, a stalker, red flags, etc.

Facebook whatsapp texting etc and even MN seems to add a whole layer of complexity. What would have happened before these existed? I'm old enough to remember. The OP for a start might have slept on it and got up this morning realising it's just a storm in a tea cup, not worth turning into not world war 3 over. She might have chatted it over with a couple of friends, they might know both the OP and her partner and might be able to see the bigger picture. Perhaps they would have advised the OP to calm down its only a clock, from what they've seen of her partner he seems a decent caring individual. The OP then might just have let it go or would have waited till this evening and hopefully spoken to her partner on the phone, when both are at home and have time to listen, her "I was a bit upset and hurt about your reaction to my gift" him "Oh I'm really sorry i e been feeling guilty all day about the way I handled it I didn't mean to come across as ungrateful, you'd spent a lot of money and I was embarrassed because I guess I didn't really like it, I would much rather that money went towards something we could both enjoy. Her "oh ok look let's forget it, every women knows it's so hard choosing gifts for men (laughs), how about we could go to X for the weekend next year" him "Great let's do that".
But no wound up by strangers, who are only hearing one side of the story, using instant technology to send inappropriate messages to someones whos busy at work, miffed that he might of blocked her, again encouraged by strangers to only think the worst, the whole thing has turned into a nightmare.

I was about to write a big long post but arabhorsesarebest said it better.

I hope for the OPs sake Mumsnet wisdom is right and he is a controlling arse but someone who goes to that much effort to make pancakes sounds like a keeper to me.

FWIW I tend to block people who really aren't worth the argument. I might unblock if I change my mind but I find it saves a lot of really unnecessary drama.

*arabhorses I didn't call him a nasty cunt or a misogynist. I merely pointed out that there seemed to be a lack of compatibility which has been highlighted by the saga of the clock.

And the comments about being petty and unhinged came from other posts on the thread, not her partner- the point being that he makes a virtue of speaking his mind , yet as soon as the OP speaks her mind she is apparently blocked by her partner until she apologises, and she is scolded by several posters on the thread.

Really? They've only been involved for 6 months and only at weekends. She's already offered to decorate his walls despite knowing he's a minimalist, multiple times. Hetoldher not to get her anything for his birthday, multiple times. She spunked £200 on a clock. He reacted. She messaged him and he blocked her. She still pressed on. He relented. But he's the odd one?

This exactly. I said the text was unhinged. I stand by it.

I'd be Usain Bolting it from someone this intense after a few months of weekends together.

And, I have to be honest, buying a clock for someone is just weird. It's up to him to decide what he wants on his walls!

Well said arabhorse. Yes, social media allows the world and his dog to overly analyse every little thing that they only know half the story of, make mountains out of molehills and create huge dramas out of nothing ....when simply sleeping on something and then having a normal conversation with the person involved would probably stop lots of unnecessary crises developing.

Here we all are on here.....possibly not helping the OP. She needs to SPEAK with the BF about this, not us. She needs to decide for herself based on what she knows of their relationship not our random guesses about him and her and the bloody clock.

I just hope that she can see that the knee jerk text/message rarely helps. Whether she and BF are compatible long term will be down to lots of things, including g their ability to communicate with each other. If there's a future, I hope they can find one and not let all this white noise distract them from the things that really matter.

I don't normally come in here for advice either, it was late I'd had a glass or two of wine and I wanted a second opinion as friends weren't available. I got drawn into the conversation.

Well there's your problem, OP. Never, ever EVER come to AIBU for relationship advice. Post in Relationships instead.

It all,sounds very silly, overly emotional and 'gushy'. Regardless of who's fault it is, is it worth all the drama?

Just to add a bit of 'closure' DP and I just had a long chat and everything is cool. He admitted to being a bit cackhanded in his attempt to explain it to me, but his overriding feeling was that he didn't want me spending money on him. He know I'm a single mum and am starting a business so he just wanted me to get him something small. The tech comment was not meant to instruct me to buy him a replacement, just for future ref. He also said he didn't block me he was in meetings all day so had his phone turned off.
So business as usual

Aw

phew!

:-)

...and he wants his elephant cushion back 🐘🐘🐘

There you go, win win you get rid of the elephant cushion!

Fantastic outcome op, wishing you the very best in your relationship😀

Haha brilliant.

swap it for the clock?!

2kids2dogsnosense Only you, SharingMichelle and I need want to see the elephant cushion.

Nobody else cares

Please tell us if it's a bit like that example OP

And also... I really really like the clock

I'm so glad you've resolved it OP. You both got your wires crossed and I stand by what I said above he sounds like a decent man. Good luck to both of you.
And OP perhaps in future avoid bringing your relationship concerns to AIBU it seems many are reluctant to give others the benfefit of the doubt and enjoy winding people up into an unnecessary frenzy!