To still feel upset that a close friend laughed

[sesise]

I don't know how to deal with this but I'll try to explain.

I have a close friend.

We were talking about grief (it was relevant to the topic) and I said something that wasn't funny.

Friend burst out laughing.

I felt like a massive twat.

AIBU to feel really uncomfortable around my friend now?

It was the friend who brought up the topic of the bereavement, so I don't know why she would do that if the subject of death makes her behave inappropriately. She hasn't apologised or attempted to explain her laughter either. It's a weird thing for her to have done IMO.

I've laughed lots of times when telling friends that another friends grandparents or uncle had died. I hate it. I don't do it on purpose but sometimes it's my bodies natural coping mechanism

If I ever ever ever heard anyone laughing about any of my family's deaths I would fucking launch myself at them. THAT would be MY involuntary reaction.

Yes the 'involuntary reactions' only seem to go in one direction judging by this thread. Wonder how the OP's friend would have reacted had she invuntarily punched her in the face.

And just because it's involuntary doesn't make it ok. It's unacceptable behaviour that is your responsibility to control. If you don't find a way to conceal this reaction you will look at massive cunt and will lose friends left, right and centre, I'd imagine.

Bagina you cannot by definition control something involuntary.

Her Majesty's prisons are full of people who've made that claim.

Bagina you cannot by definition control something involuntary

Hence my use of the word conceal.

So OP -
Did you ask your friend why she laughed?you've been asked that repeatedly and not answered yet (unless I've missed it in which case i apologise)

it seem very insensitive seeing as she mentioned it then laughed at your response

even if it was involuntary wouldnt a normal person apollogise and say its a reaction they cant control?

Honestly I don't believe a lot of the people saying they always laugh.

I think when an amusing or touching anecdote is shared they laugh, at a funeral, and I imagine some laugh in a shocked way once.

But no way do I accept anybody sits there giggling away on hearing the news that someone's parents/children died.

The poster who laughed at the puppy - the fact the friend still talks about it is indicative that she probably really found it distasteful in the extreme.

did I ask her why she laughed

No.

Do you think that might be a good starting point? A poster earlier worded a great conversation opener.

Honestly no, I don't. I feel like I just want to leave it now; it was three or four days ago. I'm not going back to it now but if it happens again I will.

Navy

I understand you want to let sleeping dogs lie Sesise but do you think that will be the end of your friendship? Will that be a big wrench? Might a conversation clear the air?

Don't let it wreck a good friendship, OP. If you know and like this person, and this is completely out of character for her, surely there's some explanation for why she laughed in the first place and didn't apologise? Could she have misheard or misunderstood what you said? Wouldn't it be better to clear the air by asking her, rather than wondering whether it's going to happen again?

Just be a grown up, tell her youre upset about it.

Seems a shame that based on something that you don't really understand you have decided to let go of a friendship.

My guess (because it seems so incongruent) is that she misheard you / something you said sounded funny and she didn't realise. Seems to me that rather than assume the worst or not address the issue if she was being a twat (and let her get away with it), you're just writing her and your own feelings off.

I wrote that wrong but hopefully you get the point!

The flip side to this but socially acceptable is crying when happy. Plenty of people do that and it gets little negative reaction.

Laughing or crying when feeling an extreme emotion is a physiological response. It doesn't mean that the person is finding humour or sadness in the situation just that at that moment they are feeling an extreme emotion.

Laughing or crying when feeling an extreme emotion is a physiological response

But why would you feel an extreme emotion when you are talking to a friend about THEIR bereavement? I can understand an involuntary laughter for example in the moment that you are told that a family member has died. However, what the OP described is completely different and to be honest, extremely rude and antisocial behaviour.

The extreme emotion can be stress or embarrassment. Made a comment without thinking, got a reply which was unexpected. Over emphasising. The OP said this was a good friend, her emotions may be tied to a greater extent than a random's to the OP's.

To be honest I think I said it got easier with time because I sensed she was not totally comfortable and wanted to say something positive

I think she laughed because she knew you were lying. You said that it was a sort of snorty, yeah right, type of laugh didn't you? If so, she probably expected you to tell her how you really feel once you realised that she wasn't falling for you fobbing her off with a cliché.

Was it a nervous not know what to say laugh