To still feel upset that a close friend laughed

[sesise]

I don't know how to deal with this but I'll try to explain.

I have a close friend.

We were talking about grief (it was relevant to the topic) and I said something that wasn't funny.

Friend burst out laughing.

I felt like a massive twat.

AIBU to feel really uncomfortable around my friend now?

People can't actually always control it. It comes down to anatomy and neurology. The part of the brain which "controls" laughter and/or crying is the same, it all comes from the frontal lobe and sometimes messages get mixed. If you were really upset you might struggle to stop yourself from crying and other people might struggle to control themselves from laughing.

I'm an emotional person. I cry at work. I laughed during my grandmother's funeral (Quietly, nobody noticed). I laughed when my dad died......after a week of sitting with him looking after him while he died I think I was beyond stressed. I wasn't finding anything funny.

My XDH laughed when he was told about the death of his aunt (which had happened in shocking and unusual circumstances). He had no idea why he was laughing, he did not think it remotely funny.

Maybe you could practice some self control?

That's a very unfair comment. It's not uncommon to smile during a difficult situation - or laugh at tragedy. It's perceived to be the brain trying to restore emotional balance. Whether that's true or not, it's most definitely outside our control.
I think your friend may have felt uncomfortable, and laughed inappropriately. Who knows? Only you were there.

I just hope none of you ever have a friend tell you they've lost someone they love then! :)

I wouldn't have laughed. But then I don't personally have that response/reflex. It sounds so odd as a reaction that maybe she does, unless she's usually unkind/dismissive in which case you may want to rethink the friendship.

Oh op get over yourself..You've offended so many people on this thread and I'm really starting to get upset. Why are you being so judgemental about a normal human reaction? Laughter does not connotate happiness only..God. I learnt that in school! I'm really hurt by your judgy comments.

People are trying to explain that she didn't laugh because she took enjoyment from your grief or found it funny, it was a nervous reaction. Or she could have been remembering something funny that happened with that person, or she suddenly felt so sad it came out as laughter instead of tears, there are lots of reasons.

I have to say thank you OP for raising this. I was horrified and embarrassed when I laughed on being told that someone had died. I was shocked to hear of the sudden death, and to this day my reaction still makes me feel embarrassed and confused, but now for the first time in years I can understand why it happened and that I am not alone. It does not make me feel any less mortified but I can understand it better now.

Sometimes it is just a natural reaction like blushing when you are embarrassed. People can't help their reactions.

I have a staff member who giggles when she has done something wrong/silly. She can't help it. She gets nervous about having to come and tell me what she has done and then giggles. I always know when she needs to tell me something like that before she has even said it. She can't help it.

Arf thank you. I think I was just taken aback as she is a Close friend (or was anyway!) I'm sorry for snapping, I am sure most of you no matter what you say here WOULDN'T, actually, guffaw through your friends parents, siblings or babies' funerals TBH!

I have this problem and I hate it. It's nerves. I remember having to tell my Exp bad news that a family friend had passed away. I started of by saying "I'm really sorry I'm going to laugh I really can't help it". Same at school when we had one minute silences I was so worried I would burst out laughing never did thank god. It's solely down to being nervous.

So if you said about your child's death Elsa to someone who never lost a child and they laughed would that be okay?

There is a difference between a nervous reaction on the spot and using the death of someone's children as an example to prove a point when things aren't going your way.

The first makes you human, the second makes you a bit of a twat.

I do honestly understand the shocked laugh. I do.

But it's a different laugh. A sort of - bark? Like 'what?'

Not giggle giggle giggle that's sooo funny?

Sesise Your friend made a mistake and for sure laughing was an inappropriate response. I guess what people are acknowledging is that in the moment people can have unintentional responses and that your notion that an adult knows how to behave in every single instance that presents itself is actually an incorrect assumption on your part.

sesise Nervous laughter is a physical reaction to stress, tension, confusion, or anxiety.

I remember my GM talking about laughing while in the jury for an inquest. Of course it wasnt funny and she was mortified. It is just a physiological response and about as controllable as hiccups.

I burst out laughing whenever someone tells me bad news. At best I have an stupid grin on my face. It's awful and embarrassing and if I could control it I would.

My friend would laugh if you told her it gets better with time. Her baby died at a few days old. It really really doesn't.

Also, I will cry and tv deaths/funerals. I can't help it. I just sob. I was with my Nan when she died and I was very close to her. I didn't shed a tear. I can't explain it. Of course it hit me a couple of days later and I was a wreck but at the time, when I felt I should have been inconsolable I was strangely calm.

I think you're being OTT, OP.

You came on here wanting validation having gone given bugger all information and are ow professionally offended when people are telling you the truth - human reactions are not always controlled.

I was a copper for a long time, and dealt with families in hysterical laughter over their mum's death and others who were in silent shock; women who had been raped who were calm and methodical and others who were inconsolable and incoherent.

There is no one way and no right way to respond to bad things. Please stop expecting others to react the way you do.

Your friend may well have misunderstood what you were saying, if you said it in the way you have on here, as none of us understood what you were talking about either.

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're in pain now. You need to talk to your friend and understand what happened.

Elsa you have totally misunderstood what I'm saying I am not using your child, I would not do that. I'm trying to tell you what happened to me.

How can anyone say it does or it doesn't, because it's just for them isn't it. I'm signing off now this is too much.

Fucking hell, why post for opinions if you won't listen to them? People DO laugh at bereavements, it's a coping mechanism. How many people need to say it before you listen to them? Now you're actually just offending lots of people who probably have experienced grief and telling them they are wrong.

Such a shame that you're prepared to lose a close friend over this. Especially when people have tried to point out that it's an involuntary reaction.

Have you spoken to her and told her how you feel? Give her the chance to explain, say sorry? She possibly feels very embarrassed. Or I guess it's possible she's a nasty bitch. You know her, she is/was your friend. Do you think she's generally a nasty bitch?

I absolutely don't think you should feel like a twat - you've done nothing wrong. It was an important anniversary and you were shocked and upset by her reaction, and you know what? That's a pretty normal response to feel.

I'm a nervous giggler. My mum had to sit between me and my sister at our dad's funeral because she knows we can set each other off in stressful circumstances. My sister's sense of humour is also, well, blacker than black! However, if, in a moment of quiet contemplation, someone laughed at something I'd said about missing my dad, I'd be disconcerted too.

Christ, I had to try and resuscitate a relative, spent ages doing that and when the ambulance arrived I started laughing. It wasn't funny but it was my body's reaction to it.

Wow you're hard work. You asked what people thought, they told you and now you're stroppy and defensive. Why bother?.