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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My daughter slapped a work colleague on the shop floor!

314 replies

plastique · 28/10/2016 20:50

My daughter is distraught, she slapped a colleague at work whilst having playful banter (though they did cross the line), but it was a bit hard, left a mark for 10 mins and colleague is not happy...what should she do??

OP posts:

Diemme · 29/10/2016 10:48

I'm sure a link would be found soon enough if Stephen woolf's mum posted about it on MN! .

TaterTots · 29/10/2016 10:48

And getting another job after dismissal for violence isn't exactly easy. Are people really arguing for this young woman to lose her entire career because of one mistake?!

I think that's exactly why people are saying she should resign. If she jumps before she's pushed, she hasn't been dismissed for violence.

GoodEnough1 · 29/10/2016 11:07

OP I hope you have not shown this post to your DD. Based on thin details my strong hunch is it will blow over as he will need to explain why she slapped him and he might not come out smelling of roses either. I'm not sure it would be gross misconduct either (and even if it is, his behaviour might also be). Your DD is already distraught and knows she has done wrong so my advice you you as her mother is to support her through this weekend with lots of compassion for her predicament. When the dust has settled see about getting her on an assertiveness course to help her deal better with these situations. Good luck, she has made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes in life and we can learn and move on from them.

lljkk · 29/10/2016 11:16

Lie low & hope it blows over.

kali110 · 29/10/2016 11:19

itunscrewstheotherway yes! I'm disgusted by the posters saying it's different because the op is a women

italian i know of two blokes who had gfs who hit them.
Thankfully one ended the relationship but the other is still with her. Some of his friends think it's funny ( not friends in my opinion) you really can't see why more men stay silent? Even after comments on here?

Nobody should be hit, man or woman. ( unless being attacked) Doesn't matter if he's said something unacceptable to her she should have reported it, not hit him.
i agree if this was the other way round people would be livid and rightly so.

kali110 · 29/10/2016 11:23

TaterTots that's exactly what i posted

itunscrewstheotherway · 29/10/2016 12:18

I'm not disputing that men can be victims at all itunscrewstheotherway. They are just far, far less likely to be victims.

No, but you were saying that the article you linked supported your belief that men are less likely to report DV. I was just pointing out that it doesn't at all. The opposite, even. And you are minimizing the fact that the man in the OP has been a victim of violence by suggesting that it could be compared to "two men engaging in a bear hug"

I think young people do tend to be more tactile

If we were talking about 2-year-olds I could see your point. These are adults who know that violence is wrong.

itunscrewstheotherway · 29/10/2016 12:24

kali apparently men have special pain-receptors in their faces which don't respond if it's a woman hitting them (poor woman's hand, though! must hurt!)

Original poster

plastique · 29/10/2016 12:35

So she's arrived at work for her shift, todays manager hasn't mentioned it and he's not in today.
She has read this thread, it has shown her how serious it was what she did, whatever the provocation.... She's in shock that she even reacted like that...

OP posts:

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 12:40

Violence is wrong, it doesn't matter who can hurt who more.

I think you're suffering from a bit of selective reading here. I made it pretty clear in my following post that it is unacceptable to hit anyone ever.

Nobody is saying that it is acceptable for women to go around slapping men. That is not what we're saying at all and several posters (including myself) have said pretty clearly that it isn't.

What we are saying however is that lashing out at someone physically smaller and weaker than you is different to lashing out at someone who is bigger and stronger than you. Of course the former is going to be more damaging.

It would be like if I lashed out at an elderly person who is clearly weaker and frailer than me verses if that elderly person decided to hit me. Obviously neither is acceptable but which scenario is worse? Of course it'would be a lot worse for me to lash out at them. I don't know how anyone can disagree with that tbh.

However please feel free to twist my words around and make me out to be some kind of man hater who thinks it's funny for women to go around hitting men. You all seem to be good at that.

kali110 · 29/10/2016 12:45

it this thread is fucking vile.
Women are more likely to be the victim, yes women usually are more likely to be hurt but it doesn't mean it's acceptable what the op's daughter has done
Hats off to the op's daughter as it sounds like she knows what she has done is wrong and isn't trying to minimise it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/10/2016 12:45

AVirginLitTheCandle
"What we are saying however is that lashing out at someone physically smaller and weaker than you is different to lashing out at someone who is bigger and stronger than you. Of course the former is going to be more damaging."

It is still violence, would you feel the same way if a smaller child hit your child. Would you say "its ok, they are smaller than you".

I have known so many people get away with hitting/bullying others because they are smaller than those that they hit.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 12:49

It is still violence

Yet another one who seems to be suffering from selective reading.

Once again, I have made it clear throughout my posts on this thread (and even in the one that quote was taken from) that violence is wrong and is not acceptable no matter what.

How many times do I need to say this before it sinks in?

The OP's DD was wrong to slap her colleague and it wouldn't surprise me if she is disciplined for it.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 12:51

would you feel the same way if a smaller child hit your child. Would you say "its ok, they are smaller than you".

I do think it's worse when someone bullies someone who is physically weaker and smaller than them, yes.

However that is not the same thing as saying that bullying someone stronger and bigger than you is okay. Not at all.

If a younger smaller child hit a child who was older and bigger than them then that is obviously unacceptable and should still be dealt with.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 12:52

Lots of people on this thread seem to be suffering from selective reading tbh.

But then again that always happens on threads like this one.

kali110 · 29/10/2016 12:55

No, a lot if people just don't agree.

Italiangreyhound · 29/10/2016 13:07

Pluto I am not us I g age to condone violence. I said young people are more tactil and I think if thiswas in the context of 'banter' the OPs daughter may well have slapped him on a way not meaning to actually hurt him. I do not know. I was not there but I am not condoning violence I am trying to understand what happened.

I did not say it was right for a woman to slap a man I said it was not likely to be frightening.

redsrule "this was witnessed...." Genuine question, do we know it was witnessed? Do we know who by? It is a bit of a leep to assume by managers and clients.

Italiangreyhound · 29/10/2016 13:09

Ps yes to selective trading candle I do not think I have condoned violence. I am trying to understand what happened!

Italiangreyhound · 29/10/2016 13:10

Selective reading not trading!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/10/2016 13:13

There are two issues here: he harasses others in the workplace, he harassed op dd and it was a step too far, op dd took offence and slapped him, so his behViour is not whiter than white. I woukd encourage her to see her line manager, tell them exactly what happened and put it in writing to line manager too. I woukd also tell her to report his behaviour towards others in the workplace, as that, is not acceptable. I would apologise to him in person and in writing.

madein1995 · 29/10/2016 13:20

No he shouldnt have been pushing her etc (ideally she should have already told a manager about it) so complicates matters a little. I would think both would get disciolined, maybe sacked and if not, a final warning. What she did was still wrong

Slarti · 29/10/2016 13:24

Yes because a woman slapping a man and a man slapping a woman are exactly the same thing

I think I know the difference. One is wrong and the other one isn't, am I right?

#mumsnetlogic

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 13:43

One is wrong and the other one isn't, am I right?

Nope.

Again (and I'm going to get sick of saying this) I have already made it clear that hitting anyone is wrong and should not be acceptable.

Did you even bother to read the rest of my posts or are you another one who suffers from selective reading?

Ladybirdbookworm · 29/10/2016 13:44

What good enough said

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 29/10/2016 14:16

he harasses others in the workplace, he harassed op dd

We don't know that he did. We don't now what he allegedly said or what DD said during the 'banter'.

What we do know is that she assaulted him.

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