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AIBU?

My daughter slapped a work colleague on the shop floor!

314 replies

plastique · 28/10/2016 20:50

My daughter is distraught, she slapped a colleague at work whilst having playful banter (though they did cross the line), but it was a bit hard, left a mark for 10 mins and colleague is not happy...what should she do??

OP posts:

Report

HeyOverHere · 29/10/2016 20:02

You are saying that violence (bullying etc.) is bad but it is worse to be bullied/hit by a man (even a small man) than it is to be bullied/hit by a woman.

No, it's not. Maybe they can sometimes do more physical damage, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily worse. Violence is violence, and as women, we do not deserve a pass, even a partial one, just because we're women.

kali110 · 29/10/2016 20:40

Omg are people seriously saying they can't see why a man wouldn't report violence from a woman, and that they aren't more likey to stay silent? This is a myth? Really?
How about them being called a weakling? Or Having the piss taken out of them for being beaten up 'by a woman'?
One poster has already told the op's dd 'to take the piss out of him and shame him for saying anything'.
There's one reason italian

HerOtherHalf · 29/10/2016 21:03

Your daughter probably deserves to be sacked. Indeed, she possibly deserves to be charged with assault. Her colleague probably deserves to be disciplined for inappropriate behaviour and that may well justify dismissal, depending on how bad it was. Their managers possibly deserve to be disciplined for allowing a culture of unprofessional behaviour to flourish.

Best advice you can give your daughter is to learn from this and never get drawn into unprofessional behaviour in the workplace again. Her career is more important than being seen as one of the lads, if that entails acting like twelve-year-olds.

RentANDBills · 29/10/2016 21:22

A person hitting another person with enough force to mark their face (or at all to be honest) is wrong.

It doesn't matter what gender either person is.
Yes, statistically speaking a man is more likely to be able to hit with more force than a woman. This does not change the fact that in this case, it was a woman hitting a man.

As lots of PPs have said, if the genders were reversed here - the responses would be different and a lot more people would be outraged. EVEN if the force of the blow was the same.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2016 03:32

Kali I will attempt to explain that although there are very valid reasons why men would/might/may stay silent about abuse there are equally just as many different reasons (in fact more) - as well as the same reasons -why women would stay silent or put up with abuse.

A poster said men were less likely to report abuse than women, and I do not agree. Men may be less likely to report for this specific reason (fear of not being taken seriously or of being made fun of) than women. But women may be less likely to report abuse because of fear of safety, fear of loss of home/children/money etc.

When you weigh all these things together I think men are not less likely to report, and just to keep quiet, than women. I have not said there are no reasons for men keeping quiet about any form of abuse, I've said those reasons do not (in my mind) outweigh the many reasons women have for also keeping quiet about abuse.

I am not minimizing violence against men, all violence is wrong.

But if you do not understand why women would also have reasons not to report domestic abuse, and not to help in the arrest of their partner or former partner, you may wish to read this link and the tragic story of Sashana Roberts. Obviously it is quite distressing reading. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-22610534

Plastiue I really do not want to derail this thread OP. I have just tried to respond to items here but I know they are of no help in your situation. Since what happened with your dd is not at all about domestic abuse, or bullying. So I am going to stop posting but if anyone wishes to discuss these issues I am happy to be pmed.

I will keep reading Plastiue so hope that this will all turn out well for both the people involved.

Thank you and all the best.

kali110 · 30/10/2016 13:35

italian i'm not talking about women, i know exactly why they don't report so i don't need your links thankyou very much.
I gave you a reason why men don't report.
Comments on this thread have actually confirmed what i have said.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/10/2016 14:26

I expect that when this isn't reported we will have posts saying "I told you he knew he was in the wrong"

Once again minimising what the OP's dd has done.

plastique · 30/10/2016 15:17

I'm shocked!! He hasn't and isn't reporting it... After reading this thread she realises how lucky she is he isn't going to.. I assume it shows how juvenile their behaviour is towards each other is in the work place!! They're both in their early 20's.
This thread has been an amazing eye opener for both myself and daughter and i thank everyone for their input... Daughter has now grown up at least a couple of years in the last 24 hours... Thank god!!!

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2016 16:16

That is great news plastique. Hope that they can go on to have a better working relationship.

Justaboy · 30/10/2016 16:29

Yep OP I suspect he's more than a bit embarrassed at being walloped by a woman and a young one at that!. I suspect he won't try it on again or whatever the original cause of the "industrial dispute" was;!

Hopefully they have all or at least both grown up a bit in that time!

And can now get back to work;)

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/10/2016 18:51

From embarrassed to victim blaming in one sentence, is that a record?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 30/10/2016 18:53

Yep OP I suspect he's more than a bit embarrassed at being walloped by a woman and a young one at that!.

Great victim blaming there.

Disgusting.

UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 30/10/2016 18:57

This whole thread has unreasonably angered me. If this happened in my place of work the person, regardless of gender, would be instantly dismissed. That it's a graduate in a management position makes me very, very angry. I wish the person who got slapped had complained and some kind of consequence was delivered.

kali110 · 30/10/2016 19:02

Yep piglet lovely. Sickening and not from the op or her dd.

Diemme · 30/10/2016 19:22

Really good news! Can't begin to understand why anyone would think otherwise.

Justaboy · 30/10/2016 19:55

PigletWasPoohsFriend Well that's how a 20 odd year old boy who hasn't yet quite grown up into a man would see it as, like it or not.

kali110 · 31/10/2016 00:25

just Yes and it's hardly surprising given some of the views on here

Rainbowshine · 31/10/2016 15:16

Just because he's not reporting it doesn't mean she won't face action from management. If it was witnessed that would be sufficient for me to deal with it at my workplace and from what you have described both would be going to a disciplinary hearing. And looking like they would be dismissed. Sorry OP but there is no justification for this behaviour in work. It's meant to be professional. I really hope your DD has learned from this.

plastique · 01/11/2016 11:50

Rainbow..I spoke to several friends in high management positions, they all agreed that unless there's an actual complaint by the guy they rwouldn't need the hassle to follow through with warnings etc.. This I assume this will anger you too.... I'm so grateful these 2 very immature high achievers don't work for you and start of her/his careers in tatters

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/11/2016 11:54

PigletWasPoohsFriend Well that's how a 20 odd year old boy who hasn't yet quite grown up into a man would see it as, like it or not.

Well that is why some men don't feel able to report abuse or it is swept under the carpet.

Disgusting.

Oh and I don't you would be justifying it if the male colleague had hit the OPs DD.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 01/11/2016 12:05

To be fair to the OP, she has never defended her DDs actions, accused the guy of harassment or done any victim-blaming. Those comments came from other posters, not the OP.

What happened was awful and quite shocking - if neither the OP or her daughter hadn't felt this, the post wouldn't exist. The daughter has learned an important lesson with regards to violence, boundaries and workplace relations. To keep harping on about how one or both of them should have been dismissed is no longer relevant. We all learn important life lessons as we grow and mature, and while this is a particularly unpleasant one, it's a lesson none the less. Let's hope both of them focus on their careers and exercise restraint and self-control in future. Good luck, OP.

LurkingHusband · 01/11/2016 12:09

I spoke to several friends in high management positions, they all agreed that unless there's an actual complaint by the guy they rwouldn't need the hassle to follow through with warnings etc..

The problem with this approach is that it leads to a management view of "everything is alright" and an employee view that unless you stick your head above the parapet, you have to put up with unacceptable behaviour. This was - and probably still is - one of the complaints about sexist culture in the police, for example.

Another way of phrasing your comment might have been: "lots of people in high management positions love to get a fuckload of money, and then do their best to avoid doing any managing to earn it"

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/11/2016 17:30

ItShouldHaveBeenJess

I have mashed this down but left the time stamp so you can look for it.
The OP has victim blamed.

plastique Fri 28-Oct-16 23:24:59
She shouldn't have slapped him but she did, and he deserved it...

And I agree with LurkingHusband the management won't do anything if reported by someone else because they can't be arsed.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 01/11/2016 18:17

Fair enough, boney - I missed that post. I absolutely don't want to minimise her actions - I think it was a disgraceful way to behave, but I also believe that individuals who behave like this need support in recognising and changing their responses to situations which anger them. Punishment doesn't really solve the issue.

Diemme · 01/11/2016 18:38

I actually can't believe the number of people who are desperate for a complete stranger's career to be ruined. Two young people acted like dicks. The one who was more in the wrong was big enough to apologise. The apology was accepted. They're now both free to move on. End of!

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