My daughter slapped a work colleague on the shop floor!

[plastique]

My daughter is distraught, she slapped a colleague at work whilst having playful banter (though they did cross the line), but it was a bit hard, left a mark for 10 mins and colleague is not happy...what should she do??

[BoneyBackJefferson]

slenderisthenight

We all draw lines in the sand.

[differentnameforthis]

To be fair to the OP, she has never defended her DDs actions, accused the guy of harassment or done any victim-blaming Except where she said he deserved it...

[slenderisthenight]

boney

There is a particular response that you feel is the only acceptable way to respond to violence. Anything that presents as different to that response is classed as permissive by you. I disagree with your classification of exactly what constitutes an acceptable response but not with the basic idea that all violence is unacceptable. I don't expect us to be on the same page here but as we agree, that's ok.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

slenderisthenight

How much violence do we accept?

The little girl who is hit by a little boy because "he likes her"?
The little boy hit by the little girl and told that "girls don't hit as hard as boys so its not as bad"?
The boy that hits other boys because "boys will be boys"
The pupil that hits other pupils because they have a "bad home life"?
Someone who hits someone else because that person said something/has something/likes a different group that they didn't like?

When do people stop making excuses for violence?
Is it when its you being hit?
Your friend being hit?
Your DP being hit?
Your child being hit?

[slenderisthenight]

boney I think you're possibly unnecessarily sad. But I agree with your other point.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

slenderisthenight

If we all agreed the world would be a much less interesting place, but I am saddened by various posters acceptance of violence.

[kali110]

Diemme the dd is the only one who has learnt something from this ( i've never said i wanted her to lose her job) it was people on this thread who should be ashamed of their responses. I think the dd will actually take this in.

[slenderisthenight]

boney I'm aware of the point you're trying to make. I don't agree.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

And the excuses for assault continue.....

[BoneyBackJefferson]

slenderisthenight

And yet you still included an excuse.

[slenderisthenight]

boney

My point didn't include the notion that there is ever an excuse for violence. Thanks.

[Justaboy]

Young Jack the lad has been a bit of an arse, upset a lot of people there it seems one day a girl looses it and slaps him and he's probably too bloody embarrassed to take it any further and seems to me its matter closed he's hopefully learnt to be less of an annoying prat, shes probably shocked to see how she lost her rag all have learnt they were being daft and that they weren't all that grown up end off.

If i were running that firm they'd get a bollocking off me that they come to work to make money to live on, profits for the company so it stays in business they get employment from that and that's how it is.

Works there for those reasons not to sod around at.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

slenderisthenight

there is never an excuse for violence, but you keep trying for one if you want.

[slenderisthenight]

he deserved it

I think the OP meant her DD's slap was provoked by an unacceptable comment on other employee's part, rather than it being right to hit him boney. It's a turn of phrase to indicate that what he'd said to her was significantly out of line, rather than the physical assault being an appropriate response - the emphasis was on the fact that it was retaliation rather than aggression out of nowhere.

The OP has made it clear she doesn't think either person was behaving in an acceptable way and there are no circumstances in which this was the right course of action.

[Diemme]

I actually can't believe the number of people who are desperate for a complete stranger's career to be ruined. Two young people acted like dicks. The one who was more in the wrong was big enough to apologise. The apology was accepted. They're now both free to move on. End of!

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

Fair enough, boney - I missed that post. I absolutely don't want to minimise her actions - I think it was a disgraceful way to behave, but I also believe that individuals who behave like this need support in recognising and changing their responses to situations which anger them. Punishment doesn't really solve the issue.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

ItShouldHaveBeenJess

I have mashed this down but left the time stamp so you can look for it.
The OP has victim blamed.

plastique Fri 28-Oct-16 23:24:59
She shouldn't have slapped him but she did, and he deserved it...

And I agree with LurkingHusband the management won't do anything if reported by someone else because they can't be arsed.

[LurkingHusband]

I spoke to several friends in high management positions, they all agreed that unless there's an actual complaint by the guy they rwouldn't need the hassle to follow through with warnings etc..

The problem with this approach is that it leads to a management view of "everything is alright" and an employee view that unless you stick your head above the parapet, you have to put up with unacceptable behaviour. This was - and probably still is - one of the complaints about sexist culture in the police, for example.

Another way of phrasing your comment might have been: "lots of people in high management positions love to get a fuckload of money, and then do their best to avoid doing any managing to earn it"

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

To be fair to the OP, she has never defended her DDs actions, accused the guy of harassment or done any victim-blaming. Those comments came from other posters, not the OP.

What happened was awful and quite shocking - if neither the OP or her daughter hadn't felt this, the post wouldn't exist. The daughter has learned an important lesson with regards to violence, boundaries and workplace relations. To keep harping on about how one or both of them should have been dismissed is no longer relevant. We all learn important life lessons as we grow and mature, and while this is a particularly unpleasant one, it's a lesson none the less. Let's hope both of them focus on their careers and exercise restraint and self-control in future. Good luck, OP.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

PigletWasPoohsFriend Well that's how a 20 odd year old boy who hasn't yet quite grown up into a man would see it as, like it or not.

Well that is why some men don't feel able to report abuse or it is swept under the carpet.

Disgusting.

Oh and I don't you would be justifying it if the male colleague had hit the OPs DD.

[plastique]

Rainbow..I spoke to several friends in high management positions, they all agreed that unless there's an actual complaint by the guy they rwouldn't need the hassle to follow through with warnings etc.. This I assume this will anger you too.... I'm so grateful these 2 very immature high achievers don't work for you and start of her/his careers in tatters

[Rainbowshine]

Just because he's not reporting it doesn't mean she won't face action from management. If it was witnessed that would be sufficient for me to deal with it at my workplace and from what you have described both would be going to a disciplinary hearing. And looking like they would be dismissed. Sorry OP but there is no justification for this behaviour in work. It's meant to be professional. I really hope your DD has learned from this.

[kali110]

just Yes and it's hardly surprising given some of the views on here

[Justaboy]

PigletWasPoohsFriend Well that's how a 20 odd year old boy who hasn't yet quite grown up into a man would see it as, like it or not.

[Diemme]

Really good news! Can't begin to understand why anyone would think otherwise.