My daughter slapped a work colleague on the shop floor!

[plastique]

My daughter is distraught, she slapped a colleague at work whilst having playful banter (though they did cross the line), but it was a bit hard, left a mark for 10 mins and colleague is not happy...what should she do??

thisisafakename

"2 women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former partner (Office of National Statistics, 2015) – 1 woman killed every 3 days"

This is what you quoted ^

So yes it is misleading because you have in effect quoted two different numbers.

Which number is correct?
2 women a week = 104
1 woman every 3 days = 121 (or 122 on a leap year)

Or do we use the term average which takes in to account the variation in numbers/deaths/murders?

"And there is one of the reasons that men don't report violence against them" Where is the evidence men do not report violence against them?

I think she should apologuise for the slap and then avoid any kind office banter. Yes, she overstepped the line but if his comments were lewd and sexual about another colleague and your dd then he did too.

I really do not see she needs to resign. She probably did not mean it to be so hard and physical messing about can turn into someone accidentally being hurt.

If it comes to any kind of official procedure she will need to say what he said, get her write down what happened, in her own words, word for word and keep it just in case there is any formal procedure. Assuming she is friendly with this guy then I think other staff would know it jokey, but went too far, and if necessary would others come forward and say if this man regularly goes too far in 'banter/jokey conversations.

It was a very silly thing to do but hopefully she has now learnt from it.

I can't believe OP you have posted you think your DD was justified in slapping her colleague because "he deserved it"!
There would be a complete and utter outrage if a man came on here and said he had slapped a woman because she "deserved it".

This is a completely different context Laguna.

just say that she thought she was getting hysterical and needed help, then ask for first aid training saying she really likes to help people...

Yes because a woman slapping a man and a man slapping a woman are exactly the same thing Laguna

If my DP hit me he would probably knock me out.

If I hit him then it would probably hurt my hand more than it would actually hurt him.

Hint: men tend to be bigger and quite a bit stronger than women. So of course a man slapping a woman is going to hurt a lot more and do more damage than if the genders were reversed.

Sorry this is not really related to the Op's post but if men are so unlikely to report any kind of violence from women how come (according to this) women are three times as likely to be arrested for 'domestic violence'?

www.theguardian.com/society/2009/aug/28/women-arrested-domestic-violence

Sorry Op nothing to do with your daughter but just pissed off when are painted as some sort of 'extra' victim in domestic situations. All violence is wrong, of course but the vast majority is committed by males.

OP It really sounds like she did not mean to hit him that hard, it sounds (if they are good friends) like he said something rude, which either embarrassed her or made her angry and she swiped at him and caught him in a spot that made a hand print and was very painful. The reason I say this is because to me that seems more logical. If she was really angry with him and really wanted to hurt him that would be different but if she swatted at him and unfortunately got him harder than intended then that does explain more as they are friends.

Get her to record everything for her own benefit and then get her to talk to him and say sorry for hitting and explain why she felt upset, angry or whatever she felt.

Good luck.

Men are almost always physically bigger and stronger than women, the slap from a woman is going to be less violent and less intimidating.

Anyone who doesn't believe me then just ask yourself if you knew someone was going to be slapping you at work that day, who would you least want it to be? A man or a woman?

OF COURSE all violence is not acceptable. But in this case I do not think the violence was really intended, IMHO, and I do not think you can compare the OP's (presumably quite young) dd slapping a collegue during banter, with general violence committed by men on a massive scale against women, IMHO.

And just in case anyone wants to twist my words around, I am not saying that it is acceptable for women to go round slapping men.

That is not what I'm (or anyone else on this thread) is saying.

FWIW I have never hit anyone and am certainly not about to start now.

Never knew 'banter' was a contact sport.

Men being stronger than women isn't relevant. Yes, men are generally more potentially physically dangerous to women - but we're not talking about people using full force here. I'm sure the OP's daughter didn't hit the guy as hard as she was capable of. It still isn't acceptable. If a man slapped a woman in the same context, he could well hit her with the same force as the OP's daughter used. And that wouldn't be acceptable either.

if men are so unlikely to report any kind of violence from women how come (according to this) women are three times as likely to be arrested for 'domestic violence

I might be misreading, but I don't think that's what the article means. The article says that more reports of DV are made by women (against men), but that reports made by men against women are more likely to lead to arrest. Happy to be correct, but that's how it reads to me.

*happy to be corrected (although I'd be happy to be correct as well! )

you can hit people at work, trip them up, laugh at them etc if its solidly.mutual friendliness..

itunscrewstherway What you said is true (according to the article),

"The article says that more reports of DV are made by women (against men), but that reports made by men against women are more likely to lead to arrest. Happy to be correct, but that's how it reads to me."

and that is what the article says in essence...

"Men are responsible for most cases of domestic violence, but women are three times more likely to be arrested for incidents of abuse, research reveals today."

My point was that if men were not reporting 'abuse' (for whatever reason) then how could so many women be arrested for it. The evidence seems to be that men are more likely to report any abuse or any physical violence. If men are much less likely to be the victim of violence yet still women are more likely to be arrested this seems to show men have no reason to be fearful of reporting.

There are so many other factors in this, like men probably being a lot less fearful of losing their home, income etc. And men being more likely to be repeat offenders...

"Some 83% of men had at least two incidents recorded; one man had 52. In contrast, 62% of women recorded as perpetrators had only one incident recorded, and the highest number of repeat incidents for any woman was eight."

and

"Men's violence tended to create a "context of fear and control", the researchers said, whereas women were more likely to use verbal abuse or some physical violence."

Anyway, enough of this, do not want to de-rail!

Italian - I'm not sure that follows? Pretty sure that, overall, there will be more men arrested for DV than women. The point is that a higher proportion of reports from men against women end in arrest.

I have no idea what differentiates a report of DV that ends in arrest vs one that doesn't, but I don't think it reflects on how likely men are to report it, which is a different thing.

itunscrewstheotherway good point. But it does suggest that men are not necessarily fearful of being not believed or whatever. Anyway, do not want to de-rail.

it does suggest that men are not necessarily fearful of being not believed

It really doesn't. Actually, I'm going to guess that one factor in the likelihood of a report ending in arrest is the severity of the abuse. If men report DV less but the likelihood of arrest is higher, this suggests (if my guess above is correct) that men are more inclined to only report abuse at the severe end of the scale. Perhaps because of the 'men can't be victims of women' stigma.

A stigma which, by the way, certain posts in this thread have perpetuated.

I'm not disputing that men can be victims at all itunscrewstheotherway. They are just far, far less likely to be victims. The scale of abuse generally of women compared to men is massive. And I do not believe men are less likely to report any kind of abuse.

But in this case I do genuinely think that it was a bit of banter that got out of hand. Which is very different to someone wanting to hurt another person.

I am absolutely disgusted by some of the comments here: minimising the OP's daughter's violence, suggesting he deserved it, jumping from "banter" to sexual harassment simply because he's a man and one post suggesting the daughter humiliate him into silence.

She should be fired as violence is never okay. Sticks and bones... for fucks sake.

The fashionable cunty phrases like "violence is gendered" is bullshit. Size or ability to inflict harm has nothing to do with it. She slapped him and left a mark and should be punished in the same way that anyone else would have.

He said something unprofessional and should be punished in the same way anyone else would have.

The sex of either party here has nothing to do with the situation.

I think I would give him either a verbal or written warning, sack her and happily post the result back on this thread.

I worry for my sons with attitudes like some of those displayed here. Happily MN seems nothing like real life so they should be okay.

*Apologize profusely and resign? Fuck that shit. You think a man would do that?

I know you all will say this is not how a professional should respond, but you know what, women have been behaving "correctly " for fucking years and it hasn't got us anywhere. Fuckit, do what patriarchy does. Let them have a taste of their own sauce.*

I'm sure you're too busy protesting some perceived slight for it but I do hope you don't have much contact with actual humans with an attitude like that.

I know MN won't remove a post condoning violence. Sadly.

I think the context here is massively important. She did not just run up to him and slap him. They were talking and presumably messing about. We do not even know how old the OP's dd is, she could be quite young for all we know. The man could be quite young too. I think young people do tend to be more tactile and more likely to mess about in an inappropriate way and less aware of work boundaries, especially if this is her first job.

What if had been two men sharing banter and had attempted to engage in a bear hug, or brawl, or messing about, and one knocked the other over? Obviously, equally, hugely inappropriate at work but not necessarily designed to hurt the other person. But one had been hurt none the less. Would that be different to this?

I have a son, I worry for him too. But not because I fear he will be the victim of female violence. Far more lightly toxic masculinity will create problems for him. So I really cannot generally weight actions by males or females as being of equal impact. I'd be very surprised if the male in the story feels fear, he probably humiliation and embarrassment. If the tables were turned I think the experience would be quite different. The woman might well feel all those emotions. It does not excuse what was done but it does explain some of the comments on here.

Must go to bed. Good luck OP I hope things will work out OK for your dd and I hope she will have learnt better boundaries for her own actions.

,usernamehistory totally agree.

Don't agree the context matters. No one has the right to hit someone. That is against the law.

Italian

If I accidentally knock someone over, that's a very different thing than intentionally slapping them hard enough to leave a mark for 10 minutes.

Using age as a reason to condone violence is pathetic. I work with youths who use their rings to gauge into people when they get into fights etc. It's disgusting and inexcusable, regardless of their age. Kids know that fighting is wrong, they know that violence is wrong, they know that slapping someone AT WORK no less is wrong. Christ.