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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum in the park

265 replies

Wilberforce2 · 27/10/2016 16:25

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

OP posts:

ZuzaPa · 28/10/2016 21:49

My 2 year old like loves taking scooters or other kids prams if left unattended. I'll always tell her no thats not ours &-especially if the child protests - which they usually do.. she'll be upset but its ok for her to learn she sometimes cant have things.

I have read some great articles on why do we make our kids share, that we shouldn't be forcing them if they dont want to. It makes alot of sense to me. I think it was her property & she didn't want him to have it.

Don't beat yourself up for reacting the way you did. The other mother was in the wrong. I find those situations really hard, where you don't know what to do but you need to do something, it was just a lesson, like a million others along the way! I often look back on my day & wish id done or handled something differently, but I try to learn from it.

SamhainSoubriquet · 28/10/2016 21:50

toodles you are obviously a newbie

user1477282676 · 28/10/2016 21:50

God I HATE this. When mine were small, I always told them that no...they were not to take other kid's stuff in the park.

It's a weird thing to be teaching them...that they must share with strangers.

Completely different with their friends of course but some random kid in a park with a rude Mum!? NO!

spicyfajitas · 28/10/2016 21:54

There is an age after which children are no longer expected to share. No one would ecpect their 12 year old to hand their phone to another child, for example.
I would try to encourage my younger child to share, but actually they take such good care of their stuff they'd find it stressful in case another child didn't take such care.
Interestingly, my child who is most able to share also takes the least care of their property and I can feel quite frustrated with the amount that gets lost and damaged.

schbittery · 28/10/2016 21:56

when this happens to me, after one "just have a little go" I pick up the scooter and keep it with me by my legs at whichever bench or table I'm sitting at. Simples.

Everyone gets one go - kid can use our stuff for a minute once, mine (when younger) get one go if other parent says it's ok. Thats it.

You should have picked it up.

Jayfee · 28/10/2016 21:57

could you keep the scooter with you. we normally share with people we know not strangers in a park

SansasEscape · 28/10/2016 22:01

Interestingly, my child who is most able to share also takes the least care of their property and I can feel quite frustrated with the amount that gets lost and damaged.

Very interesting - I'm like that as an adult actually. My clothes are very precious to me and have been since I was a teenager. I take very good care of them and have always been uncomfortable with anyone asking to borrow something. I just don't want to share my clothes - I don't want them damaged or lost.

My sister on the other hand only does throw away fashion, and is regularly swapping with her friends. Not fussed either way if something doesn't make its way home.

1DAD2KIDS · 28/10/2016 22:04

When I was a kid I didn't want other kids sharing my Lego models. I would take great care in building them and looking after them. I would build a big Lego city with Docks, a police station, hospital etc. But all other kids wanted to do was break them up. Wow wish I was 7 again.

Kids need to understand where sharing makes the world a better place but the also need to understand how to protect their own boundaries. We shouldn't undermine their right to stand up for them self and their interests. Hopefully the more we talk to them the more they will know when it is right to share and will share of their own accord, not forced to share. Its a times like this you need to stand up for your kids.

And yes its perfectly normal for kids that age to just take stuff. But its also the right age for them to start learning they cant.

madamginger · 28/10/2016 22:05

I pile coats and jumpers on top of our scooters to stop other kids from trying to take them. They are expensive and not communal toys for anyone to have a go with.
Also you'll do no favours teaching your DD that other children can just borrow her stuff when they want. Her feelings are valid and she is allowed to say no in appropriate circumstances. This other child's feelings were not more important than your DDs

ICancelledTheCheque · 28/10/2016 22:08

What the actual fuck.

I'd be livid if another kid touched my kids property! Why the hell should your DD have to share with a kid she doesn't know?!

Worlds gone mad...

Deathstarevicki · 28/10/2016 22:14

My 2 year old doesnt understand when something isnt his he runs and grabs it and just wants to play. Its my job to teach him, sometimes i have to phsically take things from him to give back but i apologise to the owner and tell him its not his, he has to give it back.

The other mum was absolutely in the wrong and is creating a little monster, what will she do when she goes in a shop, let him help himself and tell the shop keepers to share?

FuckThatToOneSide · 28/10/2016 22:17

My DC isn't two yet and sometimes wants to grab other children's bikes and scooters at the park. I intervene immediately. A simple "no, we don't touch other people's things" isn't hard and it's good that they know they can't just grab stuff all the time because they like the look of it.

In fairness, I know at nursery and playgroup etc all the toys are for everyone, so it's hard for young toddlers to understand the difference. Parents should though.

TeaQueen75 · 28/10/2016 22:23

I was the other Mum only this week in the park... but I did the exact opposite of the Mum you encountered. My DD is 19 months and LOVES anything with wheels. A little boy maybe 3 yo had an amazing tricyle in the park, DD was squealing with excitement shouting 'bike bike bike" and running over to it. I just gently explained to her that it wasn't her bike, it belonged to another boy. There are plenty of things to play on that are for sharing in the park, but that boy's bike was not for sharing. I could tell the boys Dad would have been fine to let her have a go, but I wanted her to learn that she can't have everything she wants (plus it would have been a nightmare to get her to give it back). There were so many other things to distract her with in the park and she soon forgot about it, and I don't think she was too young to understand anyway. You reacted like anyone would in that awful Mum-wars situation where you want to do the right thing, but it shouldn't have been your call in the first place, she was in the wrong and should never have let he child go near your daughter's scooter.

NataliaOsipova · 28/10/2016 22:29

I would have been annoyed at the other mothers remarks and said loudly "some parents need to teach their kids not to take something that doesn't belong to them without asking as that's STEALING" (but then I don't care what someone who mutters unjust comments under her breath thinks lol!)

Agree with this. I think I would have said - loudly enough for the other mother to hear but ostensibly to my DD - that those people need to learn not to steal other people's things. And she'd have deserved it! It's hard to call in the heat of the moment, though....

DeleteOrDecay · 28/10/2016 22:31

Doesn't anyone writer properly here

Oh the irony

Marshmallow92 · 28/10/2016 22:43

It's great to teach your kids how to share. But after all it is her scooter and the little boy is a stranger! If I was the other mum I'd be explaining to my child how it wasn't his scooter to play with, let alone saying "a few more minutes." Buy your own bloody scooter and he can use it to his hearts content!!!

IAmNotAWitch · 28/10/2016 22:55

I never forced my kids to share.

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Same as me.

We have had the scooter borrowed at the park and it has gone both ways. Sometimes my kids don't mind but at other times they don't want other kids touching their stuff. I applied the same when mine were littlies who wanted to use someone else's toy, OK to ask or whatever but if belongs to someone else and they don't want you to use it then you respect that.

Seems to have worked, in fact KNOWING that they don't have to share if they don't want to has resulted in two very generous boys.

Jedimum1 · 28/10/2016 22:56

Your DD didn't have to share, it's her scooter and the kid is not a friend or a family member. She was right to want it parked where she left it. If in two years this random child takes a bit of her lunch at school or her new crayons or goes off with her umbrella... would you still think it's normal? Would you accept that from an adult if it were done to you? This other kid's mum was the problem, she should be teaching her kid not to take things without asking for permission and also about saying thank you afterwards. She's not setting boundaries or giving a good example. How cheeky she asked for extra time!

purplebunny2012 · 28/10/2016 23:39

I never let my son play with other's equipment in the park at that age, it wasn't his!
He still doesn't fully get sharing at 4.

Overshoulderbolderholder · 28/10/2016 23:51

A couple of weeks back my DS left his scooter unattended for a short time and returned to find it gone. He didn't want to share his scooter either! There's a lot to be said for teaching our DC to respect other people's property and, unless invited, keep hands off please

Marymoosmum14 · 28/10/2016 23:54

I agree kids need to learn to share, but kids also need to learn not to take what doesn't belong to them and it doesn't matter how old they are it is never to early to start. There is a major difference between sharing with a child they are playing with and some random child who takes the stuff. Next time keep the scooter with you so he cant take it.

dinorawr · 29/10/2016 00:14

Mixed thoughts on this, although he's a stranger, he is only 2 and he's gonna run for anything, your dd only started whinging and would play up when he wanted the scooter she didn't actually want to play with it. He's 2 years old, if I were you I would of told her he's a baby he doesn't understand and to share, and if I was the other mum I would of told her little boy not to touch the little girls scooter but of course he isn't going to understand that. Your daughter only played up when she realised he wanted it. Not worth getting arsy over I'd of just let him have a go on it.

Babblehag · 29/10/2016 00:20

it was your dds scooter, the other child took it without asking, therefore stealing, perhaps the other mum should teach her kids manners, yadnbu.

dinorawr · 29/10/2016 00:39

I would of just said to my daughter let him have a little go while your playing on the swings/slide etc and if she started playing up about it I'd of said don't be silly he's only little too, you need to share and your not playing on it anyway. Obviously when they were planning on leaving and the mum said he was only gonna be another minute was stupid I would of just took it then. If he's barely 2 he isn't gonna ask is he, that's why it's a hard one because they are into everything. The mum shouldn't of said what she did when they were leaving the park, but it's no big deal to let another kid to have a go it does look a bit brattish.

dinorawr · 29/10/2016 00:41

When I say brattish I mean the way she only played up when he went to grab it, she was fine playing, but only when he wanted ago. It's typical. He's probably still in nappies it's to be expected

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