Mum in the park

[Wilberforce2]

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

Also you should apologise to your daughter for shouting at her. It is not a very good lesson you have taught her - that if someone wants something of hers she has to give it to them to 'be nice'. Really?

Sometimes other kids' behaviour sucks but we don't take it out on our own just because we can't shout at the other kid.

I have seen 'sharing' as a passive aggressive way to grab toys too often. Yes, sharing is very important but it is scary when is becomes a magic word used to grab whatever a child wants.

Gosh. I teach my child not to take another's property. I could never let my son take someone else's stuff , unless it's like playgroup etc. kids at that age don't understand anyway and it's teaching him to respect boundaries. He can't always have what's not his. Other mum was being ridiculous and hope someone tells her so.

Why did that mum let her child take your DD's scooter? I'm baffled by her attitude, it didn't belong to him!

I don't let my DS (age 16 months) ride other children's scooters in the park. He goes to them and I tell him it's not his and to leave it alone so he does. She shouldn't be talking about your child learning to share, she should be teaching her child not to touch other children's things.

I think the trouble is so many children go to child care where you have share everything. Some kids need to reminded over and over again that people own stuff and they don't have to share.

YANBU. She sounds out of touch

Good idea Letitia. That is what I would do. Honestly,what is it with some parents that they think it is fine for their little ones to help themselves to other kids' toys,then act all affronted when the owner of said toy asks for it back? Buy your kids their own flaming scooter/bike/football etc!

I am all for sharing in the park. But if my ds took someone else's scooter without asking i would be telling him no and give it back. If thebother parent has said it is fine then great. And generally i let other kids play with my sons things. But we had the same experince as you. And now injust dont take our toys to the park. Not worth the hassle.... not fair on the kids but at least they still get to playbin the park

My son has autism and finds sharing very hard. If he's having a day where he can't then I just say to people sorry you can't have (I don't feel bad as if I try and get him to share he ends up upset and that's not fair to him). Your dad wasn't much older and that wasn't fair on her. If I was the other Mum I would have taken my child away rather then allowing another child to get so upset they had to be removed.

I agree next time be firm and say sorry not for sharing

YANBU.

We have to teach our kids to share but we also have to that we'll stand up for them. The other mother was out of order. And then to butch about you! Grrr.

On a similar topic I took my brother's goddaughter (8) ice skating a couple of years ago, she was happily skating with a penguin bollard support then stopped for a second and let go. Almost immediately a 4 or 5 year old little girl came skating up and grabbed the penguin and skated off with it! I skated quickly up to the younger kid "can i have the penguin back please?" Blank look from child wasn't letting go. I then grabbed the penguin off her (couldn't see her parents etc around) said "I've paid xxxx£ for that penguin and my goddaughter hasn't finished with it yet so I'll have it back thanks". Brother's goddaughter liked a bit at me being so bold!

Carried on skating fine after that!

Sorry bitch^^

Looked not liked!

Next time she mutters that your dd isn't sharing, remind her that she told you she's trying to stop her ds from taking other kids things. So you're lending her a hand by preventing him from taking the scooter again. Bollocks is she trying to teach her ds anything with any kind of continuity apart from a sense of entitlement. I must admit I did let random kids play with dds scooter at the park when she was little and encouraged her to share but never let "borrow" take stuff from random strangers. She didn't like it so yes, I am also conditioned.

That child was not attempting 'sharing'. That was quite simply taking your child's toy without permission, and then repeating the same annoying action when they knew she would be upset. Another bloody mother with an inflated sense of entitlement for her child and herself, and the usual attempt to blame you because she has no idea of boundaries.

It's hard the first time you say "sorry but could you leave the scooter there please" and physically take it back but after that it's easy
My DGS then aged 20 months used to take two toy cars everywhere, kept him happy for ages. One time in Starbucks an older boy came and took one, DGS cried and I asked for it back. The mother said sarcastically "oh that little boy doesn't know how to share". I replied, "Not yet, no. And someone's mummy still hasn't learned to bring something for her little boy to play with in Starbucks".

U did nothing wrong as u were only trying to stop the crying but the other mum was BU. Your DD doesn't have to share with a stranger. The other mum should've told her son he can't just take things. I hold onto my DDs scooter when we go park to avoid this kind of situation. Keep a few phrases memorised incase u meet this woman again.

Ilganeth. Wish I was that quick witted. Great answer.

She was in the wrong. Encouraging sharing when playing with neutral things like at a play group or at home with friends round Etc but no she shouldn't have to share what is hers with some random kid.
I hate that kids are forced to share, you wouldn't share your stuff with a stranger why should a kid be expected to

Yanbu

This situation drives me nuts. Children shouldn't have to share with someone who has stolen their toy!! I hate the insinuation that is naughty and ill mannered to not let a stranger play with your toy.

You should have followed the woman back to her home, gone in and helped yourself to her food, put on her t.v.tried on some of clothes then taken her car keys and gone for a spin. It's all sharing surely?
Your poor dd.

Next time, take her car keys from her purse then, when she protests say, 'Oh I thought you wanted to share?'

YASoNBU

"Sharing" - one child offering a toy to another child having shown the empathy to realise that they would like a turn.

"Stealing" - snatching a toy from another child, or taking a non-communal toy without asking.

I don't really understand why the latter is justified by claiming the former should have happened. It doesn't work like that.

She is in the wrong. Your DD may need to learn how to share but her kid needs to learn to do as its told and leave other people's things alone when told!! And her laughing and going on about your DD 'not sharing'?! That is just rude and inappropriate! Sounds like the type of mother who will still be defending her kid when he's 30 and still taking other people's stuff

I'm sorry if my child touched another strangers child toy my child would get told off and told no. That's so disrespectful of others things. Hang on someone down my road has a new car I'm going to go get the keys and drive it around the corner to see what it's like. And then when I get asked to bring it back I will say hang on I just want to do a handbrake turn. Some how I dnt think it's going to happen is it. Teach your kids respect for others and their belongings. WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR PARENTS TO DO THESE DAYS?