Mum in the park

[Wilberforce2]

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

You might have to defend your dd from accusations. If the other mum does her "oh well, ds, the girl won't share" you might have to loudly refute that. She needs to know she's right not to. She shouldn't be made to feel bad by randoms like that.

Glen I am so doing that - great tip

I've never "got" this forced sharing business TBH.

Kids can be hugely emotionally attached to some toys.

As an adult I'd not expect to allow a stranger "share" my phone, handbag, make up etc

Why do we make kids do this?? What would you do in a cafe if a stranger picked up your coat and said I'm just a bit cold I'm going to borrow it for a while as you are not using it?

I'm not talking about playing with friends here - but random strangers taking your "stuff".

I never stood for it and random PA comments just made me see red akin to "it's your job to teach your kid not to steal other kids things if he doesn't understand rather than deflect his bad behaviour on my child".

So this just gets my goat....

The Mum should have got her ds to ask your dd if he could borrow it. She sounds like a dick tbh.

Not read the whole thread.

It's a bit like you taking your coat off and putting it on the bench and some random stranger wants to borrow it for it bit.....🤔

Maybe in a similar scenario again you should think if that was my bag/coat/shoes etc would I mind said random person just taking it for a bit?!

Your daughter will be fine though, I've been in similar situations and done the above myself. You kind of feel railroaded into the other persons mentality.

We have this problem all the time as my two year old loves taking her mini pushchair to the park. Other kids can't resist so I generally try to keep it close. If a little one grabs it when I'm distracted I generally ignore it unless dd notices. If she wants it back I say she can share it if she wants, it's nice to share, but that she doesn't have to. She generally insists on having it back an I support her.

I agree with pps that sharing is for friends or for communal play equipment. You're allowed to want sole ownership of your possessions even if you are only two.

Your DD shouldn't have to share her scooter with some total stranger!

Adults don't share like that and we shouldn't make children.

Hold on to the scooter next time.

I'm with your DH too. I would make my DC share communal property at the playground (like "oh you've been on the swing a long time and it's someone else's turn now") but not something like a scooter that they'd brought from home.

Hope you have fully recovered

Would agree with many others, i hate the whole sharing business when it comes to a childs own toys

Sharing is for chocolate (unless its my chocolate in which case you can fuck off...i am not sharing)

I don't really hold with 'sharing' tbh. I struggle to share chips with DW tbh. No way would I expect DD to share anything with some passing random.

It is just a concept from the 'olden days' when there was less money to go round, and less stuff generally.

sorry for the two tbh's!!

Wanders through the thread to take a bow!!

Weare I use nice as shorthand for polite, kind or compassionate, I don't pull the be nice to everyone shite I see some people do. I agree, the teaching girls to be 'nice girls' can lead to a whole host of shit they don't need. Please be assured I am raising my DD to be a mini me, she already has ovaries of steel!!!

And yes, I have done this, or versions of it, off and on for the last couple of years. It got to the stage where I got so fed up of entitled people pulling this sort of crap and trying to be polite that I decided to puncture the thick hides and make people realise that there are others on the planet. Apparently the mum I did that to still harps on about it

I'm with your DH too and I wouldn't like a stranger making off with my kids belongings. One mishap - fine but repeatedly? Not cool.

I agree with your DH too.

DD loves to play with balls and sometimes I forget to bring her ball along to the park and when she sees other kids with balls she'll make an beeline for them. I always approach the adult and explain and ask if we can DD can share the ball. The adults always agree but if the kid doesn't then I will pull DD away and explain that that's not her ball. She doesn't always come away willingly but it's something she has to learn!

Really I don't like forced sharing.

I think you should keep an eye out for the other mum at the park and discuss it with them. Say something like "It would be lovely if they could play together on the seesaw", then move on to say you've been thinking about the sharing the scooter incident. Say you have been thinking about kids sharing and how adults don't randomly share their stuff and how you have been thinking about how best to model good behaviour for your DD and ask how she is thinking about teaching sharing.

With any luck she will be a nice person and it will help her think about it. If not, she won't change, but you've set out your stall not to put up with it next time!

Me, being a bitch cow from hell, spoke to other kids in the same way as I did my own in similar circumstances. Repeat (in a reasonable time of voice) "it's not yours" while removing DD from another child's scooter, or removing DD's scooter from another child, no matter what the other parents thought. I read somewhere (possibly Toddler Taming) that, to a toddler, toys are as precious as jewellery, and I wasn't about to hand my wedding ring to a stranger!! I also taught her to share the swings, etc.

I agree with WeAre do you really want to teach your dd to be 'nice', nice as in what?
Learning to never make a fuss about things that are important to you?
Learning to let people walk all over you?
Learning to not handle confrontation well?

I fully agree with Glen. It's her scooter. She doesn't have to share it with anyone, and especially ot someone she doesn't know.
Besides, before sharing something, the person first has to ASK for the object, not just help themselves!

I would then have been inwardly quite pissed off if the scooter was then just left again for me to have to fight DS not to use it.

Eh? Surely your dc is quite often surrounded by things they have to learn that they don't have the right to play with/touch. You are responsible for your child, it's not the responsibility of the parent with the 'shiny thing' your child wants.

fair game to be played with (gently) provided they are given straight back if asked and not removed from the sandpit - am I wrong?

Are your belongings fair game as long as I pass them back when you ask? Your towel at the pool? Your coat on a chair? Why are children's belongings fair game? Teach your children not to use things unless they're sure it's not a personal belonging. And when it is a personal belonging, belonging to a stranger don't ask if it's okay if you use it. Not on.

I feel so sorry for your daughter. It's her scooter and a complete stranger decided to take it and use it!
Would you accept that from another adult with any of your belongings? Why should it be any different for a little girl?
I can't bear the sense of entitlement that some people instill in their kids. I have a friend like this. My daughter was opening her birthday presents and had to literally hand each one straight over to my friend's son because he wanted them, and my friend said that my daughter would be happy to "share". She hadn't even got a chance to look at them herself for goodness sake!
A bit off topic there, can you tell this touched a nerve? Give your daughter a hug and say sorry.

Not everything is a playpark shared. I don't suppose the Mum would have been too pleased if you had wanted to have use of her handbag for a while? If it is your property - you do get to say who uses it.

glen my comment about teaching girls to be "nice" was aimed at the OP because of a previous comment made by her (unless I read misread something)

Seeing as your daughter has you as a role model I don't doubt her having iron ovaries ;)

change the words 'Scooter' to car.

take my car for a spin and i'll call the cops.

I would have been annoyed at the other mothers remarks and said loudly "some parents need to teach their kids not to take something that doesn't belong to them without asking as that's STEALING" (but then I don't care what someone who mutters unjust comments under her breath thinks lol!)

I don't know where some parents learned the rules of 'sharing'. You 'share' in school when all the kids are using a communal box of crayons. You 'share' a double seat on a bus. You 'share' the slide in the park by taking turns.

But now 'sharing' is basically "all your stuff belongs to a bunch of strange kids whose needs are apparently more important". Take your bike or scooter to the park and watch some other kid ride off on it (to 1990s kids that's called 'stealing'.) Don't bother enjoying any toys in public, some brat will want it and you must 'share' it.

Screw that. I would never dream of allowing my kids to touch others' property (and have said that. "No, you can't play with that, it belongs to that child there and isn't a park toy.") any more than I'd tell my husband he had to 'share' his car or for him to tell me I had to 'share' my coat or my phone with someone else.

'Sharing' is becoming a byword for "my bratty kid wants your stuff."