Mum in the park

[Wilberforce2]

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

Taking isn't sharing. What would you think if a stranger came and picked up your phone and when you objected said "be nice and share!" Why teach children a rule you don't abide by yourself.

Park sharing etiquette is not to hog the swings when other children are waiting. Take your turn. Or you might swap a go of your roller skates for a go of a scooter. A child might choose to share a toy with a child who has no toy. But just taking a toy away from a child is snatching not sharing.

I used to get this problem with my own two children. I think personally, regardless of the mother, I'd sanction a five/maybe ten minute rule. Each child plays with it for five/ten minutes, then the other has a ten minute go. That way, you're educating your own child and the O/P child too, in the principles of sharing. Another very important factor too, is that you're teaching the mother how to deal with situations like this, too.
Life's not fair after all and learning to share is a valuable skill
That most definitely worked with my two children and neither resent or feel equal in their eyes, of the way I treated them. I'd sit there with my watch and let them take turns. They soon get bored, I can tell you. But the minute a child goes back to the scooter, I'd instil the five/ ten minutes

Am i missing something...why not just keep the scooter by you while she is on the swings etc?Simple

They are kids!....seems it's the grownups that were playing games. Who could understand children more, who's child was better behaved,which child was more grown up,which one was embarrassing the parent more, which one was a better parent......keep the scooter next to you, as the grown up, when she is playing

Waterrat agree with you completely.

It really isn't a big deal tbh. I'm sure he is, and will be told about taking other people's things it's just at the age it is hard.

Will read the thread but my initial thoughts are that the boy/mum should have asked your DD if they could use your scooter. Which they didn't

I'm with your husband. Great if dd had wanted to share her scooter with a complete stranger, but she didn't so she should not have been told off for this. The other mum was wrong.

Why do adults think children 'need to share' at every opportunity?! If you parked your car but a stranger came along & decided they wanted to drive it while you sat & had a coffee or something, that would be seen as completely unreasonable. However asking a child to give up one of their prized possessions (their version of your car), and calling it 'not sharing' is so wrong.

Children just know that that is their toy/scooter etc, and that's that. But because we're adults, we know better. I'm not saying children shouldn't share, because it's an important thing to learn as they grow up; but a lot of the time we expect them to have an understanding of something they're not ready to comprehend.

In short, your DD did nothing wrong.

Why do adults think children 'need to share' at every opportunity?!

This is a really good point Pumpkin. In this (as in all things!), context matters. If your DD was friends with this little boy and you'd all gone to the park together then it would be different - then she should have shared her scooter with him because it's kind to share with a friend. But in the context the OP describes, the other child was a random stranger. Different context = different rules. And that's quite a valuable lesson for life in general in itself, really....

The other mum should have stopped her ds taking the scooter in the first instance end of story.

It is really important that all children are taught that it's good to have boundaries and that they should be respected, particularly girls. Teaching a little girl that her feelings of discomfort are less important than the little boy getting what he wants is a very dangerous message for both of them.

I would have hung onto the scooter after the first time. But you know, this parenting thing is a whole new level of negotiation when dealing with cheeky entitled people and you get better at fighting your kids' corner.

Next time, tell her that perhaps she should get her little boy one for Xmas while smiling and walking away with the scooter.

YANBU. I always stop my child from taking other kid's toys and the age isn't the excuse. I can't believe the cheek of the other mom when she treated the scooter like she had any right even to touch it

I agree with your husband, your daughter shouldnt of been told off! It was her scooter that should of been left alone while she played. That isnt "sharing" its some other kid taking what isnt his! His mum needs to teach him that!

It is really important that all children are taught that it's good to have boundaries and that they should be respected, particularly girls.

Yes boundaries need taught, but gender is completely irrelevant to the children when they are only 2.8 and less than 2 years old!