Mum in the park

[Wilberforce2]

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

The mum was being really rude IMO, it wouldn't have been that hard to tell her LO "no, leave it alone, it belongs to somebody else".
We had similar at a festival once, I'd brought a puzzle to keep DD occupied while we watched a band but some older kids came along and took pieces of it to play with. DD starts shouting "no!mine!" so I asked them for it back, to be met with "give the little girl her things back, some people don't like to share"from one of their mums. Grr still annoys me thinking about it

I understand about 2 year olds not understanding how to share but it wasn't his scooter to share. Mum should have asked your daughter if he could have a go on it and respected her answer if she's not ready to share it then blocked / distracted and sent her child on his merry way. I've been in both situations. In the child wanting my child's personal toy scenario I told the other child I'm sorry but my child's scooter is new and very precious to her therefore I'm keeping it safe and he can't have a go on it.There's no way I would hand over the keys of my new car to a random stranger who wants to have a go.Why expect a child to give the equivalent of their car to a stranger? If they were squabbling over park toys I would suggest a time limit and ask my child to reassure the little boy that he could have a go on the swing or whatever after my daughter who went on it first is finished (we're saving a space for him next in line etc). In the same way I would expect to be allowed to finish my turn on a public computer not be forced to give it up straight away.

I agree with your DH too. If I've parked my car to go somewhere doesn't mean any who fancies it can use it.
Hope your trip to the park was better today

Get yourself a padlock for the next park visit

I'd not let another child take my child's toy either. Would explain why but would explain in a quiet moment to my child re sharing and taking and the difference.

Park mum is a cheeky entitled so and so sending out bad messages to her son that he can take, have what he wants whenever he likes and no consequences.

Your DH is right. The other mum behaved terribly by allowing her child play with another child's toy when your daughter clearly didn't want the other child to play on it. It wasn't the child's fault but clearly the other mum's.

I do think you do need to stick up for your own kid in such situations. They need our support otherwise people will just walk over them.

There is a difference between sharing and taking what doesn't belong to you. I don't believe your daughter did anything wrong. The other mother needs to be teaching her child the difference between right and wrong from an early age. Mixed messages mean that children get confused. Would she condone that he takes other peoples belongings without permission when he is older?

just saw glen's post.......what a fantastic post. Can't say any more than that. sheer brilliance

YANBU

My kids all scooted to the park and often kids would want to borrow their scooters. I always asked them, usually they were happy for someone else to have a go whilst they were doing something else but sometimes they weren't. That's their prerogative. They don't have control over much in their lives at that age, I think if an uninvited person is refused a go on their possessions that's a fair exercise of appropriate control..

When I'd have to say "sorry, they don't want anyone else to have a go on their scooter/bike today" the parent always made sure that their child respected that. I would have been shocked/pissed off if I'd experienced what you did…the mum basically making out it's your daughter's problem! Kids need to learn from a very young age that there are things they can play with, and things that they can't!

Yes, kids should learn to share, but, they should also learn manners too. You can't just go up to something that belongs to someone else and just start using it presuming it's ok. You should probably consider saying, that's a nice scooter may I have a ho please? Thank you.
Of course, the kids were young, they don't quite understand yet how to share and be polite but isn't that the point in parenting?
You were not at fault op, the other parent should have told her child that he must ask if he can have a go as that is the nice thing to do, then take it from there. It's not exactly rocket science it's teaching kids good manners.

I would have played, sat on, buried the scooter in order to stop the other child using it ... what an incredibly rude little boy and mother. That's like leaving your car at the side of the road while you go shopping and some one else using it. The other mother was entirely unreasonable. I would have been furious. Your daughter should have been able to take her scooter to the park and been able to choose when she used it ... the same as adults. Imagine if you were skiing/ mountain biking/ windsurfing - stopped for lunch and some one took your skis/ mountain bike/ windsurfer without asking just because you weren't using it.

YANBU If your parked your car somewhere, would it be ok if I came and used it for a little while and then when you wanted it back said 'I won't be long, I'm just nipping to the shops' At two my little girl could ask for things she wanted and certainly wouldn't just take what wasn't hers. This little boy needs some discipline x

She was BU, as others said, if her son wants a scooter, she should get him one. The scooter was not public property, therefore you were well within your rights to say no.

I would have taken back the scooter immediately and told the mother off for stealing!
It's not nursery or a group, it was the park, they're strangers and they stole!

YANBU
The mother should have made the child give the scooter back. No question.

Honestly, I wouldn't have told my DD off if she was getting upset over someone else using her scooter. After all it is her scooter and did the little boy even ask?
The other mum should have put a stop to it.

YABU for telling your DD off for not sharing. It's not a playgroup toy where you have to learn to share. It's her scooter and the other mum was BU for saying your DD should have shared. Agree with other poster who said you should have told him Santa might bring one at Christmas.

You were in the wrong for telling your kid off for wanting her toy back. Why the hell should she have to watch another kid playing with something that is HERS?!

My daughter is 1.5 & I wouldn't let her take anyone's bike or scooter if it was upsetting the child it belonged to. I also think at 2 the boy taking the scooter should have been told to leave it as it wasn't his. It's a lesson for him that he can't take what he wants.

To put it rightly......yes you teach your kids to share but if they are asked or if its at home/school etc. This child took something that wasnt his and his mother should have tought him to not take something that wasnt his from someone he didnt know. He will grow up thinking he can do what he wants.

Why are people comparing two year olds to adults?

You should have picked up something of hers and when she queried what you were doing made passive aggressive comments to your dd that this mum didn't know how to share.

I think its more idiotic that you didn't stand up for your child and take the scooter back. Also can we all please stop using ds dc aibu. what the hell is a dd a dc etc. Doesn't anyone writer properly here?

Mums like the other mum infuriate me.

You know full well that if that scooter had broken whilst in her son's use, she would have just handed it back over and not offered to pay for it in a million years.

Whereas I reckon you OP, would be horrified if DD broke a toy that wasn't hers and would be desperate to make it better!

I think 2YO is old enough for the boy in question to be taught discipline. The whole he doesn't understand bollocks is a lazy mum who wont stand up to her child's behaviour or fears a tantrum. She'll probably still be making excuses for him when he's older. Kids need to learn respect for other peoples thing and space. Yes sharing is also important. But it is important to teach your kids sharing by consent, not by force. Its perfectly right that your child should stand up to something she did not consent to or sanction.