Mum in the park

[Wilberforce2]

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

The mum of the little boy was in the wrong. If mine has taken somebody elses things i would have said no, put it back, said sorry then taken them home, or away from the situation. He may be 2 , but this is how you learn right from wrong. Maybe buy a lock and chain next time, lock it to the railings!

YANBU.

'Sharing' toys: anything communal (eg fair turns on slide), balls, spade in sandpit, etc
'Non-sharing' toys: trikes, bikes, scooters.

Obviously if it's a play date with someone you know it's different.

DD was desperate to run off with other people's bikes. I never let her. If she got to one before I did I made her put it back. She hasn't tried for a while - I'm hoping she's got the idea.

I think YANBU - sharing is important. But the Mum was taking the piss. DD needed to not make a fuss, but the Mum needed to take a hint!

It's not like it was a toddler group, this was her scooter and the little boy wasn't her friend or anything. That's like saying if she'd brought a packet of sweets along and he'd just come up taken one, you should be ok with it. Er no, the other parent should say "sorry dear, that's not yours let's go on the swings."

the other mum was antagonising the situation ,we had the same raspberry at a park with a large sandpit my son brought his bucket and spade and other kids wanted to play with it ,fair enough i thought untill they insisted it was theirs when we got up to leave !

I'm with your DH on this.

Tell DC to share scooter with sibling? Yes.
Tell DC to share scooter with friend? Yes.
Tell DC to share communal scooter at attraction that has play area with scooters for all visiting children to use? Yes.
Tell DC to share with random kid in park who takes a fancy to DC's scooter? No.

It's not acceptable behaviour for a small child to just take other kids toys without even asking because he wants a go, his mum shouldn't be encouraging it, and your DD is under no obligation at all to let kids she's never even met before have her toys just because they want to play with them too.
If my DC were in that position, I'd have backed them up and said the scooter wasn't for sharing.

I don't make my toddler share his toys with strangers because I wouldn't expect to share my things (phone, car, handbag etc) with any random who wanted a go. Equally I don't let him take toys away from other children.

This. Taking turns on the swings, not climbing up the slide, letting others have a go on a see saw. All these are good sharing examples for a park. Taking someone else's scooter or bike is not. She was in the wrong in my opinion.

Sharing a scooter between two friends is different but not with a stranger. Kids are allowed to have things which are theirs that they don't have to share with a randomer.

Dont worry wilberforce2 - it took me years to build up my assertiveness, i have the kind of face which seems to make people think they can walk all over me but it just takes practice to vocalise.

My kids are now the ones to loudly, pointedly and repeatedly call out on bad behaviour- mummy he TOOK the scooter, WHY did he take the scooter mummy its not his! MUMMY but why is his mummy not telling him off? You would tell ME off!

After four years of the above the ground has failed to open up and swallow me yet.

Your husband is right. Your DD didn't do anything wrong and you were wrong to tell her off for not sharing.
It's different if it's a friend at a play date but a random brat in the park who keeps taking her stuff. No way.

If my DC was the littler one I would be saying to leave scooter alone as its not ours.

Next time say something "sorry sweetheart but it's not yours to play with" and walk off with scooter

She doesn't need to "share" with every random who wants her stuff. Other Mum was a loon.

ourblanche i saw someone else do it and thought it a genius move!

I wouldn't have told DD off for not sharing in this situation. If I took my bike to the park and some random came up and tried to have a shot I'd be unimpressed. I certainly wouldn't think I ought to share with them! Different if it was a friend of course.

Ok, the boy isn't two and didn't know. But it's the mums job to teach him! My DD is also not quite two and quite often wants to try other scooters/bikes in the park. I just say "that's not your scooter, why don't we have a go on the swings/slide whatever instead". I don't just let her take things that belong to other kids!

You're not BU, the other woman is. I'd like to see how it pans out when the kid is old enough to visit the park on his own and he starts helping himself to another child's scooter/bike etc. She's doing him no favours.

I had a similar situation in Clarks one time. We ended up just leaving mid shoe shopping as someone was taking my DS's scooter repeatedly. Ugh. Then we had to go back half an hour as DS really wanted the shoes (and he needed them), then the shop assistant was giving him a hard time saying "why did you cry"..(because the other Mummy was a PITA). Ugh..Awful. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and explain it as best as you can to your child.

She has a massive cheek. My DD is also just coming up to 2 and doesn't understand yet that the swings are for everyone but other children's scooters are their own. Which is fair enough, it's not exactly logical if you're not yet 2 and there's a park full of fun toys.

My job is to teach her that this is how it works, surely! I spend quite a lot of time at the park intercepting her before she gets to other children's scooters. The other mum was BU, totally.

How incredibly rude of that woman to just let her precious kid take things that don't belong to him. He will be a delight as he gets older I am sure

Don't beat yourself up though, you were or into a difficult situation. Maybe next time keep hold of the scooter!

Your DD did nothing wrong and sounded pretty upset. The other mother needs to get into the habit of telling her child to leave the belongings of others alone and out of the habit of saying 'he's only...'.

Her DS was taking something that didn't belong to him, it was not a communal toy put out for all the children in the park to enjoy, the scooter belongs to your DD.

She was out of order.

I think it's quite healthy to get pissed off when randomers take your stuff. I remember seeing a true-life movie once where some teenage boys tell a bunch of slightly younger kids that the phone belonging to one of them was stolen from the brother of one of the older boys. They are so polite and conformist that they agree to go with the older boys to see the 'brother'. They end up being dragged all over the city and bit by bit the older boy get all their phones and money and even some of their clothes. All because they had been conditioned to be polite to randomers who make demands on them.

Just had a chat with dd to make her feel better and said that next time I will tell the little boy that it's not his scooter so he has to leave it alone. I feel a bit shit now for making her leave the park but she is fine and I will take her back tomorrow!

Dd is quite grown up has very good speech and is tall so maybe the Mum thought she was older and being a brat not sharing! Still no excuse though for letting her kid take the scooter!

I seriously need to be more assertive

YWNBU. I've had to teach all mine that toys other children bring into the park aren't for them to play with. It's a pain, but it's the right thing to do. Sharing at home or with friends, yes. Letting random kids take your stuff, no.

This mum needs to tell her kid when it's appropriate for him to take toys. Sometimes that will involve tantrums, but they have to learn.

I feel so sorry for your poor DD. Bless her heart, she's only 2. I'm afraid I agree with your DH and I think that you should have kept hold of her scooter for your DD.

It's not your DD who needs to learn how to share it's the other woman who needs to explain to her little boy that he can't have everything he sees.

There's been a few times my two year old has tried to get on other children's scooters etc if they've left them in the park while they play. I always stop her. Always. If she won't stop (because she is only two) I move her to another part of the park and distract her. The other mum should have done this. It isn't normal. Once dd started kicking another child's ball and I let her but only after I'd looked at the mum and she'd said it was ok. I think the other mum in your scenario was strange.