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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum in the park

265 replies

Wilberforce2 · 27/10/2016 16:25

Who was being unreasonable..

Just took my dd (2.8), ds and his friend to the park. Dd wanted to scoot which was fine and I took her into the play park while the boys played at the goals with a football.

All was ok we parked the scooter and she was on the swings but then a little boy came over and took the scooter, I'm fine with that if he wants to have a quick go but dd starts going on about wanting it back then is out of the swing and chasing this boy for her scooter. The mum comes over and tells me she is trying to stop him taking other kids things but he isn't two yet and doesn't understand. By this time dd and is getting hysterical over the scooter so I ask for it back and get the whole "oh he isn't 2 yet he doesn't understand, he just wants to play" but we get it back. Dd scoots for a bit then goes on the slide at which point boy is straight over and back on the scooter, Dd is then off of the slide and wants it back Im seriously losing my patience by now with everyone!

I take dd to one side and tell her she needs to share blah blah blah but all she wants is her scooter left by the fence where she parked it! Other Mum is just laughing and telling her kid that he is upsetting the little girl and to hurry up because she doesn't want to share. Dd full on crying now so I tell her we are going home because she is being mean and isn't sharing, I ask for the scooter back and the Mum says "oh just a few more minutes and he will be done" but I'm fucked off now so I tell her no I want it back now because we are going. She begrudgingly gives it back her kid starts screeching and then she walks off muttering about kids need to be taught how to share!

My dd got told off and we all went home after just 15 mins in the park but I've just told dh and he said that dd didn't do anything wrong. He said that it was her scooter the other kid should have been made to leave it alone and I've told dd off for nothing I must admit I was thinking I wish the other Mum had just got her kid to leave the damn scooter and we could have all had a decent one in the park but then dd should share.

I'm not sure who was in the wrong and I need to know because I'm sure it's going to happen again, it's my local park and the Mum said she is there every day!!

OP posts:

YouOweMeATenner · 27/10/2016 17:33

I teach primary 1. One day a month the children can bring in their own toys from home. Inevitably there is always an issue with one child wanting to play with another's toys. I try to tell them that it's nice to share your toys with your friend, but ultimately it's your own personal toy and you can decide who plays with it. It's a different story for school toys, those should be shared.

In this case it seems like the other mum confused sharing with taking. YANBU

Pettywoman · 27/10/2016 17:34

You should have gone off using the other mum's buggy and told her to share. Silly woman. I feel for you OP, it's abreally cringy, awkward situation and I've been there myself. It's especially difficult if the child's mum is there and the other child is too young to give a quiet and pointed talking to.

kaitlinktm · 27/10/2016 17:35

It's all very well her saying children ought to share - what exactly was her son "sharing"? Someone else's scooter, that's what!

If he had brought his own scooter or a trike or something and offered her a turn - now that would have been sharing.

Rachel0Greep · 27/10/2016 17:39

Other mum was being unreasonable. DD was right, and I can understand her annoyance at her scooter not being left where she left it, and that she could come and go to it as she pleased.

Prepare a fake smile for next time if other mum starts muttering about not sharing, and agree that she isn't teaching her little fellow anything about sharing .

carmenta · 27/10/2016 17:39

As a lot of PPs have pointed out, the sharing sometimes imposed on children isn't very fair on them, nor would we ever expect adults to tolerate someone snatching our precious possessions. I think this article makes some interesting points about it.

Original poster

Wilberforce2 · 27/10/2016 17:40

Hey - I definitely got it wrong I know that now and I fee pretty bad about it as well just so you know!

I had one eye on the boys playing football and the other on this boy and dd! No excuse but I will do it differently next time.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 17:42

The other mum was totally in the wrong. How rude. Sharing is kind but that is when it is someone you know and not when you look up to see a stranger nicking your stuff! No wonder your DD got upset.

capricorn12 · 27/10/2016 17:44

Will she be okay with him 'borrowing' other peoples cars or money from her purse when he's older. Yes kids need to learn to share (with polite siblings and friends) but they also need to learn boundaries. It was not his scooter, he didn't even ask to borrow it and then wouldn't give it back when asked .....Id've wrapped it round her head!

oobedobe · 27/10/2016 17:45

I have been in this situation many times. You need to be more assertive just walk up to the other kid and take the scooter while smiling and saying my DD needs her scooter back now thanks. Then he can run off and cry to his mummy all he likes.

Jaxhog · 27/10/2016 17:46

Other mother was totally out of order. She didn't even ask if her son could have a go! Which would at least have given your daughter a choice.

Sharing is one thing. Stealing is something else altogether.

IAmNotAMindReader · 27/10/2016 17:47

Agree with what Hey said. It is a different situation to communal things or learning to share with siblings or friends.
You met an entitled parent who expected you to roll over so she could have a quiet life. As this child gets older I suspect it will escalate to him attempting to take other children's toys home. Depends if the mother can be bothered stepping as to how this plays out. How much she wants to stop him playing up for her and how much of a brass neck she has. I've seen it before in playgrounds where an entitled child tries to waltz home with something of someone elses they've swiped and the ineffective parent has just gone along with it till the original owners parent steps in. Then they either come out with they were only playing and try to justify their actions (most common) or seriously expect you to give said item up(more rare and jaw dropping).

Halloweensnake · 27/10/2016 17:48

You were in the wrong.she made it clear she didn't want her stuff touched.she dosnt have to share her scooter with some random kid,any more than yr made to share your car with some random woman

RattieOfCatan · 27/10/2016 17:49

I agree with your husband and the PPs. It's your child's scooter, therefore she shouldn't have to share it with random children she doesn't know at the park. I've gone so far as to ask a parent for their car keys before when their child kept taking one of my charges' scooters, they weren't so keen to share those but did get the point I was trying to make! Thanks to MN for that suggestion, one of the few times in my life I have ever been assertive

I've seen too many children break other children's belongings at the park and the parents/carers don't give a toss Though I did witness a spectacular showdown between two parents when one child did break something not belonging to them once, it was a bucket and spade, but having watched kids pull the foam handles from scooters and bikes and similar things like that before I can totally understand why the parent with the now broken bucket and spade was pissed off as the other parent just shrugged when their child broke it.

FlossieFrog · 27/10/2016 17:49

My DD made a beeline for another kid's scooter when we were at the park earlier and I told her that's not your scooter to play with and she was fine.

Bit different to when I tell her that's mummy's phone... "that's my mummy's phone" she says .

user1471434605 · 27/10/2016 17:50

What I can't get over is that when you wanted to leave, she asked you to wait until her son had finished playing with your DD's scooter! That really is the cherry on top! Don't feel bad about forcing her to share, it's a mistake I made when my first was little. We so want our kids to be nice, happy people with lots of friends we don't always think through the whole 'sharing' thing. My rule of thumb now is that if I wouldn't put up with it, my kids shouldn't either. But it took me time to stand up to people, you always feel like you are being judged and found wanting when you are out with young children! You could be bloody Ghandi, Mother Theresa and King Solomon rolled into one but some one is always nearby, tutting within earshot!

GabsAlot · 27/10/2016 17:50

i wouldnt care how old your dd looks th scooter wasnt his

saying oh he doesnt understand and let him play on it is downright rude

bumpertobumper · 27/10/2016 17:52

Yabu for making going home the punishment. Only threaten with things that you don't mind happening.
But the other mother was unreasonable, but you could have stood up to her.

Clarinet1 · 27/10/2016 17:53

Sorry haven't rtft but, as someone who got my scooter stolen from outside the local shop (fortunately we did get it back) I'm with your DD!

Ineededtonamechange · 27/10/2016 17:53

I always think "sharing" is a weird concept - what we actually mean is don't hog communal toys, be nice, and let your friends play with your toys when they come over.

"Sharing" is something we as adults have an absolute right over - don't want a friend borrowing our car/a CD/a book - fine, don't offer/say yes, so to a certain extent children should have that right too (as long as they can play nicely!)

It would never occur to me to let my child play with someone else's scooter in the park. You say you got it wrong, but you were the one promoting harmony - she needed to be fairer and more assertive with her son - he has a hard learning curve coming if he thinks that everyone should let him "share" everything all of the time.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/10/2016 17:54

Your Husband is right. With my first I used to do things like that, tell her off for things I KNEW weren't her fault to save embarrassment. I'm 10 years older and on child number 4 now and don't do that anymore. I'd have spoken to the child rather than the mother and gently told them 'the scooter belongs to (child) and they would like it back now.' Gentle but no room for negotiation. It's really difficult though

OdeToAutumn · 27/10/2016 17:54

Agree with everyone, she was in the wrong.
For me the worst bit is that when you wanted to leave and she said he would be a few more minutes ! How rude.

Don't feel guilty, you were put in an awkward situation and most people would not have behaved the way the other mum did.

I just don't get how brazen some people can be. Once I was at the beach with my son, we were playing but when I looked up his bucket and spade had disappeared. I looked around and a little girl was playing with them quite a way off in the water ! When I went over the mum knew immediately they were ours and half heartedly told her to give them back while I waited and then said 'oh she likes to just take things...' Well tell her not to then! She definitely would have seen her swipe them and would have made no effort to return them had I not spotted them.

WeArePregnant11 · 27/10/2016 17:54

The other woman was being incredibly rude and you were a bit of a doormat, unfortunately. But nobody is perfect. You talked to DS and you'll do better if something like this happens again.

What that boy did isn't called sharing. It's taking without asking. Taking when he was told to not do so. His mother was out of line and I hope somebody teaches the kid that he can't just decide that others have to share with him...

Nerris · 27/10/2016 17:58

Agree with your husband. The other mum was out of order to distress your dd, when she really needed to discipline her own child. She wanted to avoid her child having a meltdown as the expense if your dd's feelings!

Aeroflotgirl · 27/10/2016 17:58

It just sounds like one of those unfortunate things. Mabey now she will buy her ds a scooter after that. She should not have muttered about kids not sharing, that's not her scooter to share.

Original poster

Wilberforce2 · 27/10/2016 17:58

I am a complete doormat you are right!!! I also do want dd to be "nice" and she is, she really is a lovely little girl so I should have stuck up for her.

I'm taking her back to the park tomorrow with her scooter and I'm going to stand up for her if the same thing happens.

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:

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