To ask if you are as socially awkward as me...

[WankingMonkey]

And for some stories?

A couple of days back I just met my cousins partner for the first time. All is going well and she says she likes my top and asks where I got it. My answer?

'Oh I have had it on for two days as I am such a scruff round the house'

She just kind of looked weirdly at me and went 'riiiiight' and walked out of the room .

Seriously wtf inspires me to say shit like that? Its not the first time and probably won't be the last either. So socially awkward. I expect I am not alone, whats your worst?

"I am the good boy"?????!!

I am the good boy

Whatever turns you on

, I cried laughing at that!

I'm glad my anguish amused you all meanwhile I will cut all contact with that friend immediately and it may be some time before I can look a Labrador in the eye again

TheEternal, I love you. That was fantastic thank you so much. The dog keeps looking up to see why I'm still laughing

(I think Vic and Bob would love that one)

These are hilarious.

I do this kind of thing all the time. The other day, a neighbour I've been dying to make friends with for ages came over to talk to me. She expressed her concerns that another neighbour might be dealing drugs. She was obviously worried about the kids, the strangers hanging round, etc etc...

What did I come out with? "Maye ask them to sell you something to calm you down!"

Arse. There goes that beautiful friendship.

*maybe ask them to sell you something

Ugh, it's even more cringey second time around!

The one-arm / nail varnish one - it probably shouldn't make me laugh but it does :)

Thank you so much for this thread. Whenever I say something totally inappropriate/embarrassing I always feel like the only crazy person on earth!

One of mine which I still cringe about almost monthly...

20 years old and working in childcare, I babysat a fair bit and returned to babysit for a family after the mother had had second baby so it'd been over a year since I'd seen them. They welcomed me into their home and asked how much I now charged per hour, obviously expecting it to have gone up from the previous year.
This was obviously the time to go into an extremely long monologue about how... 'I now charge £8 per hour, most of the time at least, unless the family aren't rich or are good friends, if for example if I'm babysitting for someone I work with who I know can't afford £8 per hour then I tend to do it for £25 for the night, but for you it's £8 per hour.'

So embarrassing, I still run into the mum on occasion and cringe at the memory. The annoying thing is that there was only one family who I babysat for £25 per night, everyone else got the £8 per hour!

I have a 'foot in mouth' moment almost daily

I've got to know what "I'm so sorry Alan" is about now.....

Anybody?😀

Howling at some of these!
I do a stupid fake laugh whenever I talk to someone I don't know. It's ridiculous and then I can hear it in my head for the next 5 minutes.

So many - worst one. Went to visit a friend who lost her dad the previous day. A quiz show was on and I was so excited to know the answer that I kept shouting it at the TV, until I realized the whole room had gone quiet and staring at me. The answer was 'The Grateful Dead'.

We had a new bathroom fitted and there was a young apprentice helping. I asked him how old he was, he told me he was 17. I then told him I kept 17 year olds chained up in my dungeon.
What the actual fuck!!????

I just walked away in shame and kept out of their way after that.

Thank you wank you had just finished me off.

these are too good.

When I was about eleven I heard a friend's nan had passed away. Next time I saw her the first thing I said was 'so, your gran's dead then' in a voice like I was summing up a football match or something. Instantly realised how awful I sounded. I was a weirdo even as kid.

Also teaching a class activity where the kids had to stand I noticed one kid not. Thinking he was mucking around I said come on you all need to stand. He said he was disabled, giggling a bit. 'No you're not, stop messing around.' Turned out he actually has a club foot type thing and the whole class thought I was evil

These have given me such a good laugh

I excel at making a tit of myself in interviews - I can't bear to relate all examples here they are so cringe but I'll share this one with you.

I was coming to the end of a pretty long and full on interview (4 people interviewing - lots and lots of questions, had already done a very serious presentation) when I was asked a question about the importance of networking. By this point I was feeling pretty exhausted and beginning to think it was never going to end so I answered saying of course networking was really important, then found myself floundering for what else to say, so I turned to the interviewer nearest to me and said in a conspiratorial manner:
"we know that once you get that e-mail address off someone well it's..........gold dust"

I actually lowered my voice to deliver this little gem and said the words 'gold dust' in a kind of gruff american accented Elvisy voice - I also winked at the interviewer as I said it!

I go red every time I allow myself to recall this and the bemused look on the interviewers face.

Yellow

Didya get the job?

Yup 2kids I actually did!

Yellow

It's the Elvis-wink. It never fails!