AIBU to be annoyed if clothes I passed on have been re-sold

[iklelis83]

Hi I have been passing one Kids outgrown clothes to a friend (call them F) to whom I'm under impression are a bit tight on money.
im aware of other people also passing on clothes too.
It's come to my attention that F has re-sold a set of some of the clothes been passed onto F.
So I wanted to get others feeling on this as initially I'm a bit Pd off if F is not buying clothes for their kids, taking clothes off other people & selling them to make a profit.
I've not sold clothes before because Im under impression F is bit tight on money so want to save them money. However I have 2 kids & need to buy 2 lots of clothes & a little annoyed at others around me assuming I am financially comfortable more so than F.
Would anyone else be annoyed or just let it go & say good luck to F if they can make some money back?
Many thanks all

good luck to her but I would also be a bit miffed by the bare faced cheek of her.
otoh she is at least resourceful

I don't see the problem really, unless she is selling them as soon as you give them to her. I have sold clothes in bundles once my LO has grown out of them and some were hand me downs. I didn't expect for a second they would want them back, why would you??

Maybe the situation is more dire than you state. Clothes on backs or food in bellies.

YANBU! I had a similar problem, everyone said I was BU but I really don't think I am, or you are either.

The person I hand things down to can afford 3 holidays a year (center parcs break, long weekend city break in Europe and 2 weeks abroad) yet asks me for hand me down clothes for her son who is the same age as mine. I found out she'd been selling them on and I haven't given her any hand me downs since.

The cheeky mare actually messaged me when I said I was out shopping asking why I'd been buying my son clothes from Next when I can just go to a charity shop and how I'm lining the pocket of crooked businesses instead of people who deserve the money. I wonder if that is why she refuses to buy new and expects me to give her my old clothes hmmmm

I think if you would've sold the clothes yourself, then you've every right to be annoyed; but if you know you wouldn't have the time to photo, list and post each thing, then really they're doing you a favour in a way.

I agree that you can't really give a gift with conditions. Maybe if you want to help them out again, double check that they definitely want the items. Maybe even cheekily add that if there's anything they don't need you might sell them!

In terms of sustainability, it's better to sell clothes to people who definitely want them, rather than give to charity shops where most are sent to developing countries and are overrun with our old clothes and where it has destroyed local clothes-making industries.

Once you have passed the clothes on, I think it's up to the recipient what they do with them.

I guess we don't know her reasons for selling - was it monetary, was it that the clothes were too small or out of season or not to her taste ? Maybe she feels awkward about saying no to second hand clothes - I've been given stuff in the past that I've always accepted, but known that my child would never end up wearing. To be honest, I'd probably rather someone sold things that weren't ever going to be used, than chucked them in the bin.

Also, if she has a few people giving her clothes, then she is probably inundated with items.

I can understand why you feel a bit annoyed, but if you don't like it, then don't give clothes to her anymore.

Presumably your friend's extreme poverty hasn't affected the use of her mouth?
However poor she is, it's simple good manners to say "Do you mind if I sell these instead?" and, in my experience, it's the people who are genuinely hard up who are scrupulously honest over such details.

So YANBU in my opinion.

It depends if it is before or after her children have made use of them

We were given lots of clothes for my DD (2nd child) as several of my friends has daughters. My sister wanted the things she has given us returned so I tried to keep them seperate to return.

Everything else, I took to the carboot once I had finished with it, and the leftovers from that to the charity shop.

FWIW I gave all DS's clothes away to friends and have no interest in where they end up. If my friends get a few pounds for them then good luck to them!

I'm torn on this one. I don't like second hand clothes, particularly children's ones and when I had my kids people insisted on giving me bags and bags of stuff. They wouldn't ask if I wanted them they'd just say "I thought I'd give you these" I didn't want to be ungracious and not accept them so I either charity shopped them or used the recycle banks. I wouldn't have sold them though that is a bit cheeky.

I have a friend who lives some distance from me who passes me on things. I've learnt it's more polite to just say yes and be greatful than pick and chose what you want out a bag so I take them all and pass the things that aren't to my taste to charity. I sold a couple of things on eBay for £5-10. But then gave friend a £50 gift voucher for her child's birthday. So I reckon it evens out. With passing on my own children's things I pick out any overly sentimental things and keep them and the rest I think you have to be prepared to let go of properly and not care who has them after your friend!

I always say to people "please pass them on or give to charity if you don't want them/ if they are in good condition when you've finished". I wouldn't want them sold either, and find it hard to believe people do that (although I do believe you OP!)

I did once say "please give them back so I can pass them on again" but my friend looked as though I was mad, so I just say please pass them on.

My stuff (given and resold I later found out) was mostly new. As in, labels on, never worn and outgrown because my DS has autism and he would be very clear, even as a toddler what he'd wear and wouldn't wear. It got to the stage when I'd ask people NOT to buy him clothing as it really was a total waste of their money. My mum always shopped John Lewis and Boden for him as she lived abroad and it was just easier, and really, I SHOULD have sold them myself but didn't. I really thought my friend would utilise them because as I say, her two boys were usually dressed head to toe in charity shop wear (I often use charity shops for me so, NOT making a judgement there!).

DS is STILL a pain to clothe. He will only wear stripes. In certain colours. And NO logos. Drives me nuts but at least now, I have a very small wardrobe for him and just do lots of quick turnaround washing

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this has been mentioned. I think it's not a big deal, the clothes might not fit or not be adequate for the current season. Unless you specifically said "pass to others or charity what doesn't fit", I think she can sell them on. Having sold myself some children's clothes, it rarely is worth the trouble. Unless they are very expensive brands (Armani, Fred Perry, etc), you rarely get over a fiver and the eBay and PayPal fees take a good percentage. Add the hassle to pack, send on time, chase buyers for payment, deal with feedback and supposed "lost parcels"... and I just can't be bothered again. If someone is so desperate as to go through all that trouble for a few quid, well, fine by me. I now just give to charity unless they are new with tags, and even like that I sometimes had sold for a pound, which doesn't really make it worth the trouble once you discount the fees and hassle.

I wouldn't be upset unless you said "pass them on".

Congratulations OP. You've made the Daily Mail.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3882150/Mother-gave-old-baby-clothes-friend-admits-s-FURIOUS-selling-not-agrees-her.html

Ah, the Fail again. Dredging the bottom of the barrel for stories as ever.

Not surprising.

This Mail fishing is making me really uncomfortable. Is there any way MN can control it?

Why the hell is this considered newsworthy
what a crappy newspaper.

I think it should be controlled. Not sure if it can be done though.

The Fail isn't exactly subtle about it.

YANBU. There was a period of time when I was gifted a lot of stuff (think nice collections of books, expensive lego sets etc) as I just happened to have friends that were well off with slightly older kids. I considered these things thoughtful gifts and wouldn't consider selling them on. If there was stuff I didn't think I'd use or my DC grew out of I'd always make a point of refitting or giving to charity.

Obviously if your friend is in so much financial trouble she's can't afford essentials then obviously she'll do what she has to do to make ends meet but I think it's cheeky to sell stuff that was given to you as a kind gift. If you knew she didn't actually want to use that stuff you could have sold it yourself.

YABU. It's no different than anything else given away. I was given someone's old IPhone a year or so ago, and as I just didn't like it; prefer the galaxy phones, I have just sold it on EBay. Once someone has gifted something to you, unless you tell them to return it once done with, then it's yours to do with as you please. If you dislike that theory, then you should stop passing things on. I find that a lot of people pass things on as they can't be arsed to sell them on eBay, or take to charity shops themselves, so the easy option is just giving them away.

But why did you accept the iPhone, Livelove, if you didn't like it?

I think the OP is right to be miffed. If things are passed on to you, you in turn should pass them on to someone else, not sell them. It's turns what was a gift, helping people out because it's a nice, community-minded thing to do, into a commercial transaction so one person can profit out of it. It's taking advantage of someone else's goodwill and breaks the chain of that goodwill, iyswim.

I think that's a really awful thing to do Livelove. If you didn't want the iPhone you should have returned it to the person who gave it to you or at least asked if they were ok with you selling it.

The reason most people pass things on is because they are kind and want to help a friend out.

You have a right to be irritated! You shouldn't need to specifically state 'do not sell these clothes' to expect that anyone with any kind of moral or common sense wouldn't make money out of your generosity. It's pretty scummy. Nothing you can do about it though, just learn your lesson and move on. I would tell your friends also giving her stuff what she had done though, then they can make their own mind up.

The iPhone was given to me as the person concerned had upgraded, and as mine had started to not work right, she said she had an iPhone in her drawer which she no longer used and was happy to give it to me if I wanted it. I accepted it, but after a few months of using it, it kept running out of battery and was slow, which is I understand what happens with old iPhones. I then replaced with a new galaxy phone, the same make as my previous one, and sold the iPhone for £30 spares and repair on EBay. The friend who gave it to me lives in Canada now, and although we are in constant touch, it really never ocurred to me to post it on to her. To me it was just something she gave to me that was just languishing in a drawer. Never really thought about it, because had it been the other way round It just wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. I've given things away, but don't monitor them to see what's happened to them afterwards, as I see them as no longer being mine.