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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed if clothes I passed on have been re-sold

236 replies

iklelis83 · 26/10/2016 09:51

Hi I have been passing one Kids outgrown clothes to a friend (call them F) to whom I'm under impression are a bit tight on money.
im aware of other people also passing on clothes too.
It's come to my attention that F has re-sold a set of some of the clothes been passed onto F.
So I wanted to get others feeling on this as initially I'm a bit Pd off if F is not buying clothes for their kids, taking clothes off other people & selling them to make a profit.
I've not sold clothes before because Im under impression F is bit tight on money so want to save them money. However I have 2 kids & need to buy 2 lots of clothes & a little annoyed at others around me assuming I am financially comfortable more so than F.
Would anyone else be annoyed or just let it go & say good luck to F if they can make some money back?
Many thanks all

OP posts:
TheKitchenWitch · 27/10/2016 19:54

I don't understand at all how this could possibly piss anyone off. How is it rude? How can it annoy you? She is selling things which she, presumably, either doesn't want or need. Where the things have come from is completely irrelevant!

MrsMarigold · 27/10/2016 20:14

If I give stuff away, I don't mind what people do with the stuff, personally I'm just glad it isn't cluttering up my house.

LizzyELane · 27/10/2016 20:16

I've experienced this. Wanted to give huge bags of nice and some barely worn things to charity, but have a friend always complaining of no money so gave her first dibs. Never saw anything on her child. Plus she's an eBay er that's quite happy to queue up at the post office to sell stuff for one or two quid. I just can't be bothered with that, even tho I'm a part time worker, lone parent, etc, so now all my child's outgrown stuff goes straight to charity where it will do some good!

Badgoushk · 27/10/2016 20:33

I have done this exact thing. Sold things that aren't to my taste and used the money to buy clothes for my girls that I do like and that they really need.

Gargamella · 27/10/2016 20:40

I send stuff my kids have outgrown to a friend who's not as well off as me. The bundles sometimes include branded items we got as gifts and actually I hope she does sell them at some stage. It doesn't matter to me whether her kids wear them first or not. She'd never accept cash from me so this is the best way I can help her. I would NEVER object to someone selling things on. If it's a gift there are no strings.

Lynnm63 · 27/10/2016 20:53

You've not said how old her dc's are. Maybe they needed school shoes or a winter coat and your stuff was home clothes or the wrong season. So she sold the stuff that wasn't useful to her to buy the stuff they actually needed. I guess if it bothers you don't give her anything else.

splendidglenda · 27/10/2016 21:04

It's completely wrong. No one should have to be told that, surely. I've always passed items along to someone else in need, if I've been given them. Only items that I've personally bought, have I felt ok to sell.

Nataleejah · 27/10/2016 21:05

Yabu. You gave stuff away as you no longer need it. Would you be happier if she binned it?

Deathstarevicki · 27/10/2016 21:26

Beggers belief!

onlyMeeeee · 27/10/2016 21:26

Good grief! OP, you just said you have them to her because she's short of money and now you're moaning because she used your unwanted clothes to make some money?!?!
I'm guessing you are lucky enough to have never been that hard up yourself!

Estilou · 27/10/2016 21:26

It's a little cheeky but I don't see a big problem with it cos it's hassle trying to sell stuff and you get a pittance back. I mostly just give stuff away I may sell the odd Joules etc bits. If somebody sell something I give away I would say fair play for getting bit of cash back for something. Like somebody else said not everything may fit/be useful. I have very slim children and lots of stuff just doesn't fit them.

TrishanFlips · 27/10/2016 21:31

I don't see too much wrong with this since she is hard up. Be pleased you. have helped her out. Maybe next time sell them yourself if you don't like what she did. So in my opinion YABU

buckeejit · 27/10/2016 21:34

Funny. I get a lot of hand me down clothes for my dc - I buy a lot of their clothes from the charity shop if I find something great quality or that I really like.

We could afford to buy new clothes but I guess are asset rich and cash poor & I wouldn't readily spend £25 on a jumper for myself let alone dc. I have passed a lot of clothes onto charity and have kept a lot in case I'm lucky enough to have any more dc. I have also passed all dd stuff onto my brother for his baby - when sil asked if I wanted it back or if she could get rid I asked for it back as not ready to say there'll be no more dc, (I think I assumed she would keep clothes for her next dc which is more likely than me having another).

I have quite a few lovely things that have been lightly worn that I will probably try to sell on in bundles or do an NCT type sale. The money I make if any, will go on...food, a family day out, a spa day, some charity donation - who knows and who cares - there's not a big market for making money on children's clothes - apart from boden stuff on ebay. I know that the clothes passed to me are because the people are finished with dc & its easier to pass to me than charity shop - they know I'll appreciate them, I really do but didn't really think anyone would judge what I did with them at the end.

BlurryFace · 27/10/2016 21:38

If you give something away, it's not yours anymore and it's not your business what gets done to it. I'm hard up, but when I give someone something it's without strings. If you're still invested in those clothes, put them in the attic.

Could be that she has other people giving her clothes for her kids (god knows my boys' nana and gran can't leave a charity shop without something for them) and she has so many she sells the surplus on to have an extra £20 to spend on groceries that week, or to put towards toys or shoes or something nice for the kids. It's all very well your child having 20 pairs of trousers but what if they need a new coat or shoes or a fire guard or a cot?

TheJunctionBaby · 27/10/2016 21:40

YABU

If someone paid 50p for an item of your clothing found at a charity shop then ebayed them anyway, would you be ok with that because they'd paid 50p?

OohMavis · 27/10/2016 21:58

Selling clothes, particularly childrens' clothes, is a massive fucking pain in the arse.

If she's doing that she really needs the money. I wouldn't begrudge anyone willing to put that amount of effort into making money the pitiful amount she'll actually get for it.

HalfpintPixie · 27/10/2016 22:05

It wouldn't bother me. If I'd given the clothes away I'd have already given up ownership in my mind, so they would be free to do what they wanted with them.

YABU. Sounds like you gave her the clothes but still view them as your possessions. If you gave her them because she was having financial problems, the extra few quid could mean a lot to her.

Happymumof3tob · 27/10/2016 22:23

Lets be honest here she wont be making much from them. Its not like its a profitable business. Maybe she puts the money towards different clothes. If you gave them to her then it isnt really any of your business what she does with them. If you dont like it then dont give them to her. And if you are struggling and find it difficult to buy more clothes you sell them next time. But again shes probably getting 50p to £1 max per item. Hardly anything to shout about.

Marymoosmum14 · 27/10/2016 22:31

I have sold clothes that have been passed onto me but only after my DD had grown out of them.

Sundance01 · 27/10/2016 22:57

YABU once you give something to someone it becomes theirs to do with as they please - unless you state otherwise at the time.

avamiah · 28/10/2016 00:10

OP, you call this person a "Friend", are you seroius?
Why give the clothes to "F" in the first place if your so bothered about what happens to them.
You sound like you have far too much time on your hands if doing a good deed bothers you so much.

NightWanderer · 28/10/2016 06:25

It's interesting how split opinions are on this.

I'm a member of a local Freecycyle group and they are very clear that people caught selling on stuff they have received will get banned. It goes against the spirit of Freecycle apparently. But, it seems a lot of people here are ok with it. So, not clear cut.

Natstar98 · 28/10/2016 07:37

I really don't understand people. Why would anyone think it's OK to sell on a charitable gift?? And yes I have been poor and struggled so I understand completely. I have been gifted many things over the years and no way would I sell those items on, no matter how well off the giver was, because it's just plain rude and disrespectful. If you're struggling you're grateful for everything you get and then when it's no longer needed it should be passed on to someone else in need. Build good karma people and stop being so greedy.

Notmuchtosay1 · 28/10/2016 08:13

Quite easy...don't pass her on the clothes. Sell them yourself or give to charity. I've bought stuff in the school jumble before and sold on for profit. But never anything I've been given.

Ticketybootoo · 28/10/2016 08:41

I can see why you are a bit miffed I guess but I have can empathise iwith the resourcefulness of someone who would sell on donated clothes / any clothes if they are struggling a bit too. I have given clothes away and realised that they could be sold but simply never had the time to do it myself and once you give them to someone they can do what they like with them I suppose.

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