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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed if clothes I passed on have been re-sold

236 replies

iklelis83 · 26/10/2016 09:51

Hi I have been passing one Kids outgrown clothes to a friend (call them F) to whom I'm under impression are a bit tight on money.
im aware of other people also passing on clothes too.
It's come to my attention that F has re-sold a set of some of the clothes been passed onto F.
So I wanted to get others feeling on this as initially I'm a bit Pd off if F is not buying clothes for their kids, taking clothes off other people & selling them to make a profit.
I've not sold clothes before because Im under impression F is bit tight on money so want to save them money. However I have 2 kids & need to buy 2 lots of clothes & a little annoyed at others around me assuming I am financially comfortable more so than F.
Would anyone else be annoyed or just let it go & say good luck to F if they can make some money back?
Many thanks all

OP posts:
sandbagsatdawn · 27/10/2016 00:45

I sell any of my kids clothes that I can when they don't fit anymore. This is bound to include clothes that were given to me by friends. Also sometimes people give me stuff which is already too small, or just doesn't fit despite being the right size eg skinny trousers which are the wrong shape for my child. In this case I might well sell something without them ever wearing it. I would assume that people who are giving stuff away are getting rid of stuff they don't need, so it would be more annoying to them to give back something that doesn't fit my child.

If someone is giving clothes away either they don't need the money, or they can't be bothered to sell stuff (which is actually the same thing because if you NEED the money then you will be bothered.) I would also sell anything with a designer label that I was given because I (and my kids) couldn't care less about labels, so for the money someone else will pay for it, I could buy several cheaper, more useful items. Someone who gives away designer stuff definitely doesn't need the money.

I would never accept clothes on the basis that the giver wanted them back - how would you ever remember what they gave you? Plus inevitably kids ruin some clothes.

I agree that if you give something to someone then it belongs to them and they can do what they like with it. If you're going to be resentful about it then don't give stuff away.

MistressMolecules · 27/10/2016 01:34

I'm curious, are her children wearing them and when grown out of she is selling them or is she selling as soon as she receives them?

Florrieboo · 27/10/2016 01:34

Someone sold a car-seat we gave them a loan of. We were specific and told them it was a loan. They "forgot".

QueenLizIII · 27/10/2016 01:58

She wont really get much money for 3rd hand clothes which is what they will be one she sells them. Once you give something away you cant really dictate what they do with it

Italiangreyhound · 27/10/2016 02:16

ikle I think YABU, do not give them to this woman if you do not want her to do what she wants to with these clothes.

If she is tight for money then this is exactly why she has done this.

Personally, I never wanted to take clothes from anyone who wanted them back because really I would rather buy them myself second hand than have an obligation to return them, or even to know who gave me what!

The only times I have asked for clothes back is when I felt quite sentimental, having given them with good intentions but then feeling I wanted them back! Luckily the new mums understood.

If she were not hard up it would be nice if she could pass on the goodness others have passed to her, but if she is struggling this may be her way of meeting ends meet.

YANBU to decide to do something different with your children's clothes in the future and I understand you being a bit miffed, but I don't think it is right to dictate what people do with things you give them - unless, as Katharina says, you asked for them back.

Italiangreyhound · 27/10/2016 02:19

NightWanderer re "I couldn't sell something that I've been given. I would always Pay it Forward, either passing to a friend, free cycle or charity shop. I think hand me downs are different to gifts. I just couldn't profit from a friends generosity."

This is a nice attitude and I agree. Although I feel it is still up to the individual to do what they wish, this is a good attitude to have.

We were given a whole bunch of toys which would make a massive mess in our living room, lots of small pieces! We might sell them for charity, and I still feel i should ask the person who gave hem to us! (But probably will not).

Kiwiinkits · 27/10/2016 03:10

Shock at the knitted cardy spotted at the flower show!!

greenfolder · 27/10/2016 06:24

When my older Dc were younger clothes were passed freely around. Never thought to what happened to them next. If you thought that you were going to have more kids you held on to yours.
I still give dd3 s stuff away to friends. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if they used them then sold them. If something I didn't want or need had helped them twice I would be pleased

Sparklyglitter · 27/10/2016 07:55

I wouldn't pass anything to her anymore as think this is rude. I would give them to someone else, charity or sell them yourself.

Ravennia · 27/10/2016 11:04

I personally don't see the difference between F selling them and the charity shop having them as they are going to do just that. If she needs the money where's the problem? Once you give something away you have no say over what happens to it and at least she didn't just bin it

AppleJac · 27/10/2016 11:15

This happened to me.

I know someone who got pregnant unexpectedly and was very young. Many people rallied round to help. I gave her loads of things. Found her selling the stuff i had given her on facebook selling sites after she had used it.

Turns out she had been saving all the money she would of spent on clothes and had thousands in savings as she had barely bought anything as she was giving loads of furniture etc as well.

I never gave her anything again. I have been told by her mum that i should consider anything im giving free to her first. How i laughed!!

PersianCatLady · 27/10/2016 11:58

I don't think the answer does depend on that question
To me it makes a big difference but I can understand that not everybody feels the same way.

AliceInHinterland · 27/10/2016 13:57

I can see where you're coming from Persian - it's rude to accept them knowing you're going to sell them on, but if you're just having a clear out of all your clothes, including these it's probably okay.

PersianCatLady · 27/10/2016 15:05

it's rude to accept them knowing you're going to sell them on
That's what I was trying to get at.

Say you take a whole load of stuff and you always intend to sell it on without using it then that is a bit out of order but if your kids wear it first and then you sell it on when they have been used to me that is a bit different.

I would love to know how people manage to make kids clothes last to be used by so many kids.

Some of my son's clothes he wore so much that by the time he had outgrown them I would have been too ashamed to ask for any money for them.

supershaz · 27/10/2016 16:04

I once fell out with a friend over a coat. Her son arrived at my house one morning and it was hammering down with rain. Heach didn't have a coat so I lent my son's good coat to him. ( designer and expensive) I kept asking for it back, she kept "forgetting" it. Another friend showed me a post on a local selling page. Yep, she sold it almost straight away. I did make it quite clear I needed//anted it back :(

minipie · 27/10/2016 16:19

I'd be annoyed if her kids haven't even worn the clothes.

Not annoyed if they have.

This may well be irrational but it's how I feel.

passingthrough1 · 27/10/2016 16:19

I find the comments about returning the clothes quite strange.
One of my friends has given me boat loads of clothes and then mentioned casually that if we can just hang on to them and give them back in a year or two when we're done...! This means I need to remember which clothes I've bought and which came from her and try not to get her clothes ruined or lost. Predictably then, they're all in a cupboard and I won't be using any of them. I feel like I'm just being used for storage until she needs them again. I keep getting more and more of this stuff .. which I am not even hinting that I want.
IMO if you're giving things to someone it should be as a gift and what they do with it is none of your concern since it's not yours anymore.

Daydream007 · 27/10/2016 17:32

YABU unless you have told her you want them back when her kids have outgrown them. They now belong to her and it is non of your business what she does with them.

Mmest75 · 27/10/2016 17:41

I'm with Karma - I had that someone offered me a bag of stuff ( which has never happened before) I always seem to do it ...
So I was really pleased .... on collection she said - can I have them back as passing to a friend after ....I cringed inside.
How is that possible ....?! What's what, what if they get ruined ...
I knew her heart was in the right place - so simply stored them
And returned them

Shona52 · 27/10/2016 17:43

I never understand why people give things away then feel they have ownership over it. unless you have said I will take them back once finished with it (and why would you with children's clothing) then you are give that person the clothing. Maybe if more then one person is giving her clothing she has more then she needs and if she is so tight for money. Then getting money form clothing that's not going to be used by her is still helping her out. If you feel this way then stop giving her clothing. But if you were only going to get rid of the clothing g anyway. It makes no different to you

JanetStWalker · 27/10/2016 17:46

It's cheeky and grabby, YANBU.

Minaktinga · 27/10/2016 17:52

All of DSs clothes are hand me downs but as they want no more kids and we haven't anywhere to keep old clothes we always pass them on again if they are good enough quality/condition. Selling is a lot of work for very little return.

neveradullmoment99 · 27/10/2016 17:55

You gave away. They are no longer yours. If they want to sell them on, it is not your business anymore. Move on.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/10/2016 17:55

We were given loads of things when ds was born I had NO idea people would ask for the bloody things back! I was just about thinking of having a clear out and shoving them on ebay when people started to ask for them back. Thank FUCK I didn't sell them. I would never give something away that I wanted back at some point Confused

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/10/2016 17:56

I never understand why people give things away then feel they have ownership over it

Yes quite!!