AIBU to be annoyed if clothes I passed on have been re-sold

[iklelis83]

Hi I have been passing one Kids outgrown clothes to a friend (call them F) to whom I'm under impression are a bit tight on money.
im aware of other people also passing on clothes too.
It's come to my attention that F has re-sold a set of some of the clothes been passed onto F.
So I wanted to get others feeling on this as initially I'm a bit Pd off if F is not buying clothes for their kids, taking clothes off other people & selling them to make a profit.
I've not sold clothes before because Im under impression F is bit tight on money so want to save them money. However I have 2 kids & need to buy 2 lots of clothes & a little annoyed at others around me assuming I am financially comfortable more so than F.
Would anyone else be annoyed or just let it go & say good luck to F if they can make some money back?
Many thanks all

I've not sold clothes before because Im under impression F is bit tight on money so want to save them money.
Money is tight. You gave her clothes. She sold them. For money.

Money is less tight. Surely that is what you wanted to happen, money to be less tight?

Yes I can see how it be a bit annoying for you.
But you gave them away. As soon as they did that it became their property and up to them to do with as they wish.

Would you really have actually sold them though, or had them sit round your house for months, and not got round to it?

Did you want to help out your friend or not? If your motivation was purely that you have succeeded. Did she ask you or did you offer?

IMO if the clothes don't fit or aren't to her taste or she's been given three coats the same size (or - as someone else says - she needs some money desperately, whether for food or rent or looming anxiety of Christmas) it's entirely reasonable to sell them.

Has she used them and sold them on afterwards? Or taken them and immediately sold them?
Maybe she just really is that hard up.
I gave clothes to someone on a Ledbury free cycle group, saw her offering them for sale a few months later. Passed me off a bit as I was going to send them to the charity shop. But they were baby clothes so might have used them and grown out of them, and maybe she is that hard up.
I also gave a load to a neighbour, I think she might have sold some on but I figure I could have done the same if I could be arsed.
I do think it's a bit rude, but tbf the neighbour didn't ask for the clothes so it doesn't really bother me.

If I give something away, it's because what I'd get for selling it isn't worth the effort. I'm happy that someone is sparing me the pain of me having to bin it. It does also make me happy that they will benefit. if they can get some extra value from the gift by selling it, so much the better.

I think if you want some money for something, you have to sell it yourself, or say up-front that if the person you give it to sells it, you want half the money. I think this would be appropriate in some cases, for example if you gave someone something expensive, like an old car, that you would have sold rather than given to someone you cared less about.

I pass clothes onto friends for their dcs if they want them and couldn't give a shiny shite if they sold them (before or after using them). I have neither the time or the inclination to sell stuff on ebay/fb or whatever so I'd rather they went to someone who can make use of them or can be bothered to sell them (the money for which is then used to buy their kids clothes). Either way my passing on has clothed their kids for a bit.

Selling second hand clothes involves immense faff, ESP on Ebay with the pics/the listing/the posting etc, and doesn't yield much cash (unless you talking seriously high end designer which I doubt you are?) - I see clothes bundles on FB for a fiver.

My take from that is that F is in serious need of money.

I'd be seeing what I could do to help a friend who may be struggling that much - ' to whom I'm under impression are a bit tight on money...' - not bitching that she has sold old stuff that I no longer wanted nor needed and that I was lucky enough to not have to go through the palaver of selling them simply to raise a few quid

Don't give anything to anyone unless it's unconditional. Simples. You can keep them, her DCs won't get the wear out of them - or the food it is possibly buying for them?

YABabsurdlyU.

To me it makes no difference if someone sells something immediately or after using it. I was happy to give them the value of it, if anything I'm glad that they do whatever maximises the value to them.

Once you have given something away its best for yourself to completely let go of any interest in what happens to it. You can't control what someone else does.
I would consider selling the clothes yourself in future though, if you think that you can make enough to make the faff worthwhile.

I didn't sell many baby clothes, but I have sold some of my own clothes and it was a lot of work (photos, descriptions, measurement queries, posting etc) for not very much return. If you hand over clothes without saying what is to happen with them after then I think you do give up a say over what happens to them - and if you don't want to risk them being sold, I wouldn't give them.

We got quite a few things handed down to us, and handed quite a lot on after. But the stuff we got given 'on loan, please give it back when you've finished' I only used if we absolutely had to. It was too much to remember which stuff we had to hand back, and too worrying that it might get stained/shrunk etc.

We were quite lucky with stuff that got given to us, we had some really nice outfits, and my sister gave us her old cot. We tried to pay that on by passing stuff on - but if we'd needed the money we would have sold some stuff. When we were struggling for money I sold some of my clothes and books, because I thought I could get a good price for them. Getting a good price for baby stuff is not so easy.

How did you find out about her selling clothes?

Is anyone else shit stirring? Because I wouldn't care about what happened to items I give away.

I've only asked someone about one item the other day, because I knew the item didn't fit after all and someone else needed that size. But certainly no demands on the recipient.

I think its really off to sell things that have been passed on to you. People have given us Spotty Otter coats etc in great condition that I could probably get £30 for on eBay even once we had finished them. But I think that would be in very poor taste and so I pass them on to someone else.

I'd be glad if the clothes have made some money for them and have perhaps got them through a desperate patch financially?

If they don't really need the money then I wouldn't care either. On their conscious be it.

conscience

I'd feel a bit fed up, I think. I'd feel someone had come to me with a sob story and then played me for a fool when I tried to help.

Centuries ago, I passed some of my DS2's clothes to a neighbour and she passed them to another neighbour when her little lad had outgrown them. I felt the clothes were going along the street, doing some good, staying out of landfill etc. I then heard that the second neighbour may have sold some of the clothes as they were quite posh brands and had worn well (my DM was in well-paid job then and loved buying quite expensive clothes for my DCs). I was a bit miffed, I'd given the clothes away, let them go, hoped mums and children would get some pleasure out of them and here was this woman making money out of them. Clothes went to Oxfam after that.

In your situation, OP, clothes would be going to a charity shop in future.

I would be a bit miffed if I was helping someone out and they sold the clothes on! When people have given me clothes I have asked what I should do with any unwanted items and they said to donate to charity. Even if they'd said nothing I wouldn't dream of selling them to make profit for myself!

I'm afraid I don't really get this. It's a bit like saying when you give money to someone sleeping rough "Oooh, they will only spend it on booze/drugs." So what? Whatever gets them through the night. They sure as hell needed the money more than I did at that moment.

If you are really so concerned about whether your friends really fall into whatever constitutes "the deserving poor" in your mindset then stick the clothes in a clothes bank instead or give them to a charity shop.

No need to be afraid, we don't all think the same on things, it's how life is. No need for fear.

I think if your done with the clothes and don't expect them back then they should be free to do with the clothes as they please. I understand you feel they're taking the pee a bit but your intention to help out a financially tight family has still worked just not in the way you expected.
How they use the clothes is irrelevant as long as the donated goods help their finances somehow then your good deed is done. I don't think you can dictate how people use charity as long as it's used mindfully for example if others are also giving clothes, may be they now have too many and therefore by selling some they can now afford extra food they may have been doing with out etc.
If there is something you want back once they're done with it, you tell them and then they sell it or break it, then you get cross, until that happens let them deal with people's good deeds in the most practical way for them, if you still feel uncomfortable with what there doing, just make your polite excuses and do your good deeds elsewhere where the outcome sits better for you.

I would be a bit miffed if I was helping someone out and they sold the clothes on! - why? You wanted to help them, they now have more money to spend on food or bills thanks to you. They have been helped.

I assume they were given on the understanding f would be using them for her children, in which case yanbu.

If she used them, and they are no longer needed, it would still have been polite to ask you if it was OK to sell them.

I've thought more about this in the context of giving money to a person begging. If I give money to someone begging, I accept it's then their money to do what they want with, they can spend it on drugs, a warm bed for a night, food, not my business, I don't mind. But somehow children's clothes are more personal, you give them to someone, especially if you know them, for their children to wear and get pleasure out of. If the recipient then sells them rather than passing them on, the process becomes a commercial transaction. I realise this is totally illogical. Perhaps the OP could mention that she's heard the clothes recipient has sold the clothes and could ask where so she can sell them herself in future and cut out the middle man!

I don't really understand the hand wringing about how they have made a 'profit'. Surely that happens either way.

If you give me clothes and I use them for my baby and thus don't have to buy my own, I have extra money (that I can then use on getting my nails done or whatever other thing you don't approve of...)

The whole thing smacks of feeling that there is a 'right' way to be poor and receive charity and anyone who dares to make different decisions from those you want is being 'grabby' or not poor at all (it's the same logic behind getting upset that some people on benefits have big TVs, or at refugees for having smart phones, or being willing to give homeless people things you think they need but not money to make their own choices). So accepting items is being a 'worthy' poor person, but preferring to have the same value in cash is being a 'non worthy' poor person.

At the end of the day you can give stuff to people or not, but you can't control them. If you are not happy that recipients of your charity are out of your control then don't give stuff away.

My philosophy is that I sell on anything I think is worth my time to sell. Anything I can't sell on, I'd rather give away (to anyone, needy or not!) then go to landfill. I get rid of it, someone else gains, win win.

Yabu.
It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

She's struggling and made a few quid- good for her.
Better than asking for loans/getting in debt.

I agree, butterflies.

I vote YABU.

I got given loads and loads of clothes, mainly from one particular friend who has a DS, who got them from another friend who has two DS, all older in turn than my DS. I think there was a cousin in there somewhere. They ranged from almost brand new, excellent brands, to stained and ripped baby grows. I could never have fit them all in the drawers. We also got given odd pieces by other friends.

Some went straight to the charity shop or even in the bin (mainly due to having too many of the same thing or it being too far gone to use, though a few due to the size/season clash issue). Some were worn by DS and then I disposed of them.

At this point I could not remember which of the items came from which friends and which I bought new, I made a mental note of a very few given by very special family members or worn on special occasions, but with 100s of garments there's no way I could remember where all of them came from.

If there were things I thought would sell (good brands, v good quality in bundles) I would sell them on. Others went to the charity shop.

Equipment is a bit different - you remember who gave you their used buggy or cot. But clothes I think it's a bit U to ask someone to keep track of.