Wedding with no food

[newnametoday12]

My husband and I have just been to a family wedding where there was no food. One drink on arrival and one for the toast. We paid to the travel there and back. It has cost us a fortune. It was an afternoon wedding, not just an evening party. There was no music/dancing etc. The couple earn far far more than we do. AIBU to feel resentful that I paid so much for a wedding present?

Laughing at some of the weddings reported here.

It's fine to have a budget wedding. It's fine to do the food cheaply and not to have a free bar or loads and loads of booze.....but guests should be offered some food and drink. If someone came to your house for 3 hours you'd offer them at least a biscuit!

I agree that if people are not prepared to offer even a slice of cake, they probably shouldn't be looking at inviting lots of guests. Guests should receive some hospitality....or they aren't actually guests at all. Simple hospitality is fine and small weddings with simple hospitality are fine too.....but big weddings with no hospitality at all are simply rude. And it's not really about the amount guests might have spent on a gift, but the fact they have given up their time (often travelling miles or staying in hotels etc) which shows they have made an effort for the bride and groom and the fact that the bride and groom haven't really made any effort for them at all. Again, simple is fine....but people should be fed and watered.

Yanbu

Of people are travelling and I suspect some people would have had to book hotels or had quite long journeys to make it there tell least they can do is have a few glasses of fizz and some nibbles.

Very rude.

Worst wedding I attended was a reception held at the scruffiest working mans club I'd ever seen. Father of the bride was pissed and let rip at the husband mid speech. And the best man spiked several of the wedding guests drinks with Viagra.

We did, at least. Get basic cold buffet food.

The groom played his guitar and the bride danced for us

I'm only up to this part so far and I am at the replies so far ... haha. A dancing Bride and a wannabe bandmember Groom cant stop laughing

PS OP, sounds like a bloody awful wedding. Why bother inviting people?

A friend attended a wedding, after the ceremony the all went to a pub where they were asked to pay a fiver each, and choose from the 2 for £10 menu! (They'd have been devastated by an odd number of guests!!). They flagged down the ice cream van for dessert (again, self funded).
The evening do was in a local working men's club, and the bride and female guests all had to wait outside for an hour because women weren't allowed in before a specific time. We were when he told us about it.

Sounds wonderful!

Just 3.5 hours. No being forced to sit all evening with a bunch of drunks watching awful dancing with music you haven't chosen. No over-indulgent nonsense costing the couple their live savings.

I wish all weddings were like that.

Hardly a celebration!
I very much doubt the marriage will last given that they have zero consideration for guests.
Most people would be concerned that there was not sufficient food and drink for their guests,

Was it a very posh wedding? I've been to two like that - both friends of my exH and both very very posh. One was in London and the other in the Home Counties. The London one was at a posh hotel, lots of champagne and waitresses with nibbles. Speeches done we left and went and grabbed a meal. The most recent one was a member of the minor aristocracy- reception in the family mansion, photos of mummy and daddy with the queen and Philip on the piano... their gun dogs wandering around among the guests (!) again - champagne and canapés served by a very efficient team - but no substantial food at all .

Not being very familiar with the upper classes I just assumed this must be normal wedding etiquette for them ?

If it was going to be like this, would you prefer not to have been invited?

I think weddings have turned into a ridiculous performance that oblige people to spend money they don't have so others won't think them 'tight'.

It was better when you could get married and have a glass of wine and go home or whatever. People have got into the habit of being lavishly hosted but not everyone can (or should have to) do this.

I agree you should have been warned though. In case you wanted to not come/adjust your gift accordingly (?!)

Normally these things are prewarned. Was there nothing about it on the invite. Frankly, if the person wasn't close or family (or indeed close family), I wouldn't spend a fortune going to a 3 hour wedding, personally.

surely most people can not eat for a couple of hours?

We yes but this wouldn't be a few hours only.
If the ceremony started at 2 then you would want to be there by 1.45. Perhaps an hour to travel there so you would have left the house at 12.45.
Started to get ready at about 12 say.
Chances are that you haven't eaten since breakfast.
If you aren't fed there and then will be going home after you might not get back until 7pm!

YABU. It's up to the couple how they celebrate their wedding and as some others have said, the gift is not about the entertainment on offer but you wishing them well.
When we got married, we had a party after the ceremony in my friends garden and everyone (local) that came bought food to share. The friend who made the cake did so as her gift to us, my brother bought us a weekEnd away as our honeymoon.
Best day of my life.

went to one like that with just canapes feel plain mean when people have travelled far.

I think weddings have turned into a ridiculous performance that oblige people to spend money they don't have so others won't think them 'tight'.

Exactly. Or they have to be a ridiculous performance because of a bridezilla convinced she has to have The Perfect Day or she's failed at life.

I hate it. The more people that don't pander to it, the better.

A friend of mine went to a wedding where the reception was across town after the ceremony, so they all had to tramp over on public transport.

When they got to the venue, it was locked.

They had to stand around in the boiling weather, thirsty, several needing a wee etc., for over an hour until the bridal party deigned to arrive, having gone on a very long jolly on a barge

Apparently the applause they were all instructed to give when the party arrived was rather, er, forced! It's mental, if the couple had just told their guests what was planned, they could have all popped to a pub and had a lovely time, but nobody knew what was going on. Awful way to treat your guests.

Minaktinga your wedding sounds lovely. Also you had food!

People who have weddings where no food is provided for guests are rude. It doesn't have to be fancy but no food is terrible hospitality!

The ceremony was a civil ceremony that we were at but most of the guests weren't and the reception followed.

Hold up a minute.
So some people just turned up at a room to watch them cut a cake and go home again?
What the actual fuck?

I agree that it's a bit off to hold an event such as a wedding and not feed your guests (more so if they didn't say before hand as everyone expectes something at a wedding) but to resent giving a gift is a bit wrong too as you should only be giving because you want to give it with no expectation of anything back.

I went to a wedding reception at the Hurlingham Club.
The wedding was lovely (the couple are still happy)
BUT
Reception slots are 4 hours.
At 3 hours 55 minutes, a gentle wall of Hurlingham staff appeared and pushed us all out the doors at the other end as the next wedding arrived.
SURREAL
Bride and Groom luckily had already left by then but they were mortified when we told them about it.

l went to a posh wedding near Green Park in London. After a very long service with choirs, soloists etc we got to the reception in a very grand home. Canapes and loads of champagne. As soon as you had an empty glass a full one appeared. There was no scrimping there. Then a short speech thanking us for coming ,a finger of cake and the door. As you do we had had no breakfast and how we walked back to Paddington where we lived l have no memory. In a strange way l enjoyed it. A peep into a world l knew little about. The same chap invited us to a reception at an embassy - we were announced the lot. Again canapes, wine and we left - to this day l am not sure what they were about.

I have been to some very low-budget, 0 on the Bridezilla scale weddings, but good grief at every single one of them the B&G have at least run to almost-sufficient quantities of Iceland party food.

Sounds like this wedding wasn't even done on the cheap though

YANBU op.

I am in my early 50s,and weddings when I was young were much more simple affairs. But people were still fed. The food might have been sandwiches and sausage rolls, or a pub meal, but no one went hungry.

catholic nuptial mass doesn't take hours. It's a normal mass length, so about an hour, and you can kneel twice. Or sit if that's so exhausting for you or you just don't want to. Somewhat over exaggerated moaning.

As for religious ceremonies being miserable. come off it.

Finally, OP, that sounds bloody crap. Did you not know it would be like that before hand? Was is a complete shocker?! poor you. Sounds crap.

This sounds like very bad hospitality to me.
I have heard of this kind of short wedding, however the minimum catering was drinks, canapes and a slice of cake.
I suppose the budget version (nothing wrong with that of course) would be sandwiches and sausage rolls type of thing.
Obviously no one would expect a sitdown meal or large buffet during such a timespan, but definitely some sort of refreshments.
So agree with you, OP. YANBU.

Simple weddings are great but weddings and food have always gone hand in hand. Even during WWII people would save up their rations for weeks on end in order to offer guests a little something to eat. Neighbours would donate an egg or some butter so there would be the means to make a wedding cake. So even in the halcyon past guests were always given something to nibble on!