Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neglect or just crap parenting?

401 replies

selly24 · 25/10/2016 16:27

Leaving a child age 5 alone in house while running an errand taking 15 mins.
A friend seems to do this a lot. Not witnessed directly but from what parent had said eg ' DC woke up and I was on errand so was upset with me' and from what child refers to or assumes.
Eg when babysitting -' oh, why do I need to come when you go do X? Parent always leaves me here.
Was mortified when first heard bu thought prob a one off, as parent's OH was away, but seems to be a regular thing...am increasingly concerned. Should I be.?

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 27/10/2016 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WankingMonkey · 27/10/2016 17:44

I wouldn't leave a 5 year old no. We regularly leave DSS in on his own for half hours or so..but he is 13.

Or, in the worst case scenario, you're back in 14 minutes and you find your child - God forbid - seriously injured or worse, because something happened outside your child's control right after you left the house. She picked up a glass for a drink and dropped it, it smashed and she cut herself badly. She tripped on the edge of a rug and has a serious head injury. She fell down the stairs. She knocked over a heavy object and broke her foot. Whatever. Your 'logic' that you will 'probably' be back in 7 minute leaves a great deal to chance. I for one believe it is neglectful.
This though, this could happen in the time you took a shower? Unless you keep your kids in the room when you shower I guess.

CheshireChat · 27/10/2016 17:47

Atenco Flowers I think you were in a similar situation to my mum and I do genuinely believe a lot of people struggle to understand just how hard it can be. FWIW I'm still close to her and I absolutely loved that time on my own.

Mumzypopz · 27/10/2016 18:24

It is never suitable to leave a child of that age alone, in any culture or any era.....many children have accidents in the home that happen the minute a parents back is turned....such as hate to say it, getting stuck in curtain/blind cords, falling down stairs...etc..the list is endless...ok, these things can happen even if a parent is there, but at least first aid could be administered immediately. However you wrap it up, it's so so wrong and social services wouldn't like it.

MaQueen · 27/10/2016 19:00

Exactly. Yes, a child can injure themselves even when you're just in the next room...

But you are just in the next room ...not 3 miles, and 15 minutes away.

You cannot dress it up. You can't make it right, to leave a 4 year old alone.

WankingMonkey · 27/10/2016 19:52

I'm not trying to make it right. I definitely would not do it myself..have a slight panic attack even leaving DSS and just get told to chill out by DH Grin

Just pointing out that most of these nightmare scenarios could easily happen if you were in the shower or even asleep in bed.

MaQueen · 27/10/2016 19:58

Yes, these scenarios can happen while you're in bed. But you're there to deal with it. Not 15 minutes away...

Atenco · 27/10/2016 21:56

Thanks CheshireChat, I'm glad someone understands.

Angela0413 · 27/10/2016 22:22

Neglect and utterly stupid. What would happen if she was knocked over by a car and unconcious and no one knew her child was home alone??? Would never do this

mamabluestar · 27/10/2016 23:03

Of course it is neglectful and bad parenting to leave a young child to run errands. This is not judgemental or conceited, it is an answer to a situation where a child has been put at risk. If I knew of a child of 5 being left home alone I would most certainly be phoning the police for them to conduct a welfare check on the child

MiscellaneousAssortment · 27/10/2016 23:21

But if you're sound asleep it could be 6 hrs + before you go to your child's aid.

I think we lull ourselves into a false sense of security where 'never leaving children' is concerned, as we do, it's just it's accepted more as humans have to sleep so it's an unavoidable risk.

DixieNormas · 28/10/2016 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastByTheCoast · 28/10/2016 02:36

Please OP, report your concerns. A lot of what I am reading here is about the parent's needs/skewed judgement and attempting to justify that rather than the safeguarding of the child. Natsku and others are citing cultural differences in different areas re. the relative independence of young children. If the OP is in the UK, the cultural norm (as evidenced by childcare legislation and likelihood of SS to step in), is that a 5 year old should NOT be left alone in these circumstances. If we are uncertain that the parents are making the right choices and the child may be put at risk, we all have a responsibility to the child to act and ask for the situation to be checked out.

Natsku · 28/10/2016 05:03

I agree with that. Anyone that has a concern about the safety and well-being of a child should report it, even if they are unsure if its neglect/abuse or not, because its not down to us to decide that but the professionals. And also there may be other concerns reported by other people that could add up to requiring involvement.

MaQueen · 28/10/2016 08:39

Sleeping is a biological neccesity. Popping out to get some bread...isn't.

Mumzypopz · 28/10/2016 18:23

You usually sleep whilst your child sleeps, and if they wake up, you hear it....you are tuned in. They are less likely to have an accident whilst asleep and they do wake up and have an accident, again, you are nearby to give first aid immediately.....just don't understand leaving a vulnerable child alone..so not right. This is not about parents trying to outdo other parents with righteousness..this is common sense. Anyone saying otherwise is trying to make excuses for themselves.....

MizKre8 · 05/11/2016 18:19

I mean let's be real now.......where are your 5yr olds when your out hanging the washing out? Where are they when your at the other end of the house cleaning? These things take what 15-20mins??....... So what's the big deal now??!! Don't contradict yourselves before answering BrewWink

Feckitall · 05/11/2016 20:04

This thread reminded me of this..

MizKre8 · 05/11/2016 20:37

Bad reference. This video was proved to be fake.

nellypledge16 · 05/11/2016 23:59

I don't think you can call the video 'fake', it's a public service advert, the type that was very popular in the 70's, especially on a Saturday morning.
Indeed the lady is the lovely Jacqueline off 'Benidorm' Wink

Feckitall · 06/11/2016 20:46

I remember the public service adverts... some were seriously weird/disturbing

The one I have posted I saw on TV..

Caprianna · 06/11/2016 20:52

I would leave my 5 year old alone in the sofa watching TV for 15 minutes. It depends on the child. If sensible and happy to be left alone I think it is ok. I would not leave a sleeping child. I would not be happy for a 5 year old child of mine to play outside alone. I have friends who let their children out to play waaaaay before I do, yet would never leave them alone in their own home. Different people, different risk assessment.

marthastew · 06/11/2016 20:57

Absolutely unacceptable to leave a 5yo at home alone. I'm shocked that you have to ask.

Caprianna · 06/11/2016 20:58

Yet in other countries its quite normal. What makes British homes more dangerous?

Princesspinkgirl · 06/11/2016 22:01

I would report it and anyone who leaves there child at home alone at a young age should be done it is neglect Angry

Swipe left for the next trending thread