My DH's SN have prevented me from helping a woman in need

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

Trying to cut it short - acquaintance I first met 12 years ago, she moved away, lost contact, met her in the street a wee while ago, gave her my number etc....

Her life is a mess. Too much detail would be identifying, but essentially it's a mess, mostly not of her doing....

She phoned tonight when I was dropping my youngest at an activity - she needed a place to stay tonight until she can get to the council offices first thing tomorrow.

I feel so upset as I had to turn her down. My DH is autistic and has social phobia - he simply couldn't have coped if I had brought a stranger home to stay overnight no matter how in need she was.

I had to turn her down - she was in tears and obviously desperate for a place to spend the night. I offered her sleeping bag/air bed etc if she can find somewhere to go but I feel helpless as I couldn't help her.

My DH is supposed to be away with work this week and if he had been away she could have come, but as he is here I honestly had no choice.

I don't have the money to pay for her to have a night in a b&b or anything, and she clearly doesn't have the money either.

I'm autistic and don't know how I would react if DH brought someone home in this situation (although I'd probably be fine if given the chance to say no). I would pay for a B and B but no doubt the OP would have if she could.

The suggestion of booting an autistic man out of his own home for the night sounds barbaric.

I think I would sleep in someones car, rather than walk the streets. Have you got a driveway? Poor women

I don't have social phobia but if my DP brought home a random stranger to stay I would say no.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. I had to turn down a request from a family member I really adore to stay for. A few days as my dc SN make it too hard. This is stuff which happens, Longside all the other stuff that sn bring, DO NOT FEEL BAD. You spend your life giving huge amounts of support, you can't help everyone.

What is the aibu here? What are your own feelings on the matter?

As PPs have said it's a little odd to be married, have children, a job and to go away with work, but not be able to handle someone in the house for one night.

I'm staggered by the fucking stupidity on this thread

Boot him out?!
Getting worked up?!

Really?....seriously?

I think you are a bit unreasonable to have started this thread tbh. On the one hand you understand your dhs needs enough to know he would struggle with this woman staying, but on the other hand you start a thread where he ends up being judged as selfish, and the exact nature of his needs dissected by complete strangers.

Reported this. I don't think the OP will be back.

Yip.

I have to admit I'm confused as the DH can go away with work.... what about visitors etc? Could she have stayed somewhere in your house out of his way?

Did you ask him?

Ita not to late to ring her and let her sleep in the car you can give her a nice breakfast and a shower in the morning. I really feel for you your husband and your friend.

She must feel like the world is against her you could at least give her an evening meal and to charge her phone and use the internet. Something just do something for her.

ive got social anxity noone believe it but i cant just have random people turning up it has to b orgniased and i need notice or i cant cope

does shenot have any friends or family she can go to?

She was an old acquaintance not a close life long friend you both know.

Of course you put your dh first! Those saying let your dh sleep out sound crazy

Brilliant disablism going on right here. Jesus Christ. MNHQ are you reading?

I too am confused at how he can go away with work and stay in strange hotel rooms yet can't cope with you having a friend over?

Do your children have friends over?

I think I'd be ringing anyone and everyone to borrow enough for a B&B fir the night and try and prepare my dh fir her staying.

Just report Konnya the more reports the quicker they'll look at it. Although if they've decide the OP isn't a troll then MN policy is to allow disabilist comments to stand.

I'd have snuck her in for the night and tried my best to find a refuge for the following night. There really is a massive shortage of places for homeless people to stay. Do you think she might be a danger to your family?
Unwanted dogs and cats fare better than humans in our society

Lots of people react differently in different situations, react differently with strangers in comparison to people they know, react differently with preparation compared to how they may react to something that is a surprise or spontaneous, react differently to stuff happening within their own home compared to stuff that happens in another environment. Lots of people,those with disabilities and those without - but with someone who has social anxiety and autism these things may be heightened.

But, really, I'm not sure why anyone eslse should be invested enough in this to have an opinion.

Well I'd be more inclined to think that once she was in the house the excuses would start as to why she couldn't leave.

Take the DH out of the picture, how many genuine people would ring an almost stranger and ask to stay the night? Seriously? Only a user or a chancer.