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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if I knock these lifts on the head?

200 replies

GetOutMyCar · 24/10/2016 15:20

I started a course in September which is a 45 minute drive away from where I live. There are no direct transport links so it takes around 1-2 hours on public transport. There's a woman who lives near me who also goes and pretty much since we started I've been giving her a lift home.

Last week her DD moved to a nursery near the college so now I take a slight detour to pick her up on the way home. This wouldn't be a problem except she panders to her DD's hatred of the carseat and it's driving me up the bloody wall.

Every single time she goes to get in the front seat with her DD on her lap. Every time I tell her that no, that she has to be in the carseat. Her DD then screams her head off for the entire journey. Mum takes off her own seatbelt and kneels on the passenger seat to try and entertain her, to no avail. Today she was somewhat insistent that her DD sit in the front with her. I insisted she went in the seat. So mum sat in the back 'to keep her quiet'. 5 minutes after joining the motorway it all goes quiet in the back. She's only gone and taken her DD out of the seat and put her on her lap.

I'm bloody livid. AIBU to knock the lifts on the head even though it's going to leave her in a right mess?

OP posts:
maybethedayafter · 24/10/2016 20:13

Not only are you not being unreasonable but your friend is fucking crazy. In what universe does she think that's acceptable behaviour? Ignoring the fact that you've told her not to be an idiot (in a far more polite way), she doesn't seem to value her own child's safety very highly. If she wants to hold her child while travelling she should go on a train or bus.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 24/10/2016 20:53

Yadnbu. She is though for putting you into that position. Ds1 tried to undo his seatbelt whilst the car was moving once, luckily I was on a quiet road,heard it click so did an emergency stop and shouted at him so loudly he's never tried to do it again.

NoFucksImAQueen · 24/10/2016 21:14

Shock yadnbu I'd send giselaws text as well
What a piss taker

Inertia · 24/10/2016 21:16

You've given this woman multiple chances, yet she continues to endanger her child's life, her own life, your life (because in a crash, any unsecured people or objects are likely to hit secured passengers), and your driving licence. She is taking the piss- no more lifts, no more chances.

WhatLizzyDid · 24/10/2016 21:25

YA definitely NBU!!!
Knock the lifts on the head

TirednessIsComing · 24/10/2016 22:22

No more lifts. No way. She is bloody irresponsible and you would be the same if you keep giving her lifts now you know how bad she is.

She doesn't give a shit about her child, your safety and the repercussions on you.

Strikingclock · 25/10/2016 09:17

Hope you manage to sort this situation op!

expatinscotland thread has moved on, but for info, I didn't know that op had AS when I posted about having a face to face conversation. It had taken me so long to write my response on tiny tablet that it was a x post with op's.

Totally understand in this instance why op might not want to discuss situation face to face.

Only suggested it on the basis that they will, presumably, be seeing one another at college on a daily basis (assuming woman has found alternative travel arrangements of course!) so would be likely to have post text or e-mail encounter anyway ifyswim.

Strikingclock · 25/10/2016 09:24

Btw op - meant to say earlier - I get annoyed when I see unrestrained dogs in a car, never mind dc!

RhodaBorrocks · 25/10/2016 14:06

On a side note, since my DD started school I have been really shocked by the number of small primary kids I see being dropped sat in front seat, either on a basic booster or none at all. It's a nice school in a nice area. I think being on here has given me a false impression of society's safety standards.

I had (past tense!) a friend who did this with her DD who was 6 at the time. I couldn't believe the risks she took with that child. I was even more agape when I met her husband and found out what he did for a living...

Reader, he was a policeman. Confused

hungryhippo90 · 25/10/2016 14:51

Yanbu. Jesus. I cannot believe that this woman is so stupid to take her child out of her seat whilst you drive on a motorway.

I'd give her a dressing down and never let her, or the child back in my car.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 25/10/2016 16:08

Wow. I'd never let her in my car again. Tell her straight, don't be worrying about her.

Giraffeseyelashes · 25/10/2016 19:20

So, what happened OP? Did you let her know the lifts are over? How did she take it?

GinIsIn · 25/10/2016 19:24

God YANBU - that's crazy!! Not only is she putting her child at risk, she's making you the one legally responsible for her negligence! Don't give her to the end of the week, put a stop to it immediately! Shock

QueenofallIsee · 25/10/2016 19:39

You really cannot be complicit with putting a child's safety at risk in this way! I would absolutely knock the lifts on the head - the woman sounds godawfull

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 25/10/2016 19:48

Also if the child is unrestrained behind you and you have a high speed collision the child will plough into your seat. So she is also risking your life too.

rollonthesummer · 25/10/2016 19:57

Stop the lifts now!

Is this course every day or once a week? Did you know this woman before the course started?
Why did you start collecting her child?
How does she normally get to places-nursery etc?
Does she expect these lifts or do you offer?

NavyandWhite · 25/10/2016 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 25/10/2016 20:25

Out of interest OP how did it come about you starting to pick up her child as well?
If you were already taking your colleague anyway did she ask you or did you offer?
I too would stop giving a lift, especially when you going out of your way to pick her child up is at the detriment of you picking yours up that few minutes earlier

glueandstick · 25/10/2016 20:31

I'm so angry on your behalf that I'll send the damn message.

That is not on at all. How you have not gone postal is beyond me. You clearly have a lot longer fuse than I do.

wannabestressfree · 25/10/2016 20:47

My cousin was killed at eighteen months old on Christmas Eve as he wasn't strapped in his seat. He hit his head on the front part of the car. He didn't have one mark on his body but died of a massive brain injury. My auntie has never forgiven my uncle.....

It's just not worth it.

SylvieB74 · 25/10/2016 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 25/10/2016 21:17

And what's your family Sylvie? A bunch of moronic racists given to making ridiculous sweeping statements judging an entire continent?

countingdown · 25/10/2016 23:54

Did you talk to her OP?

rollonthesummer · 26/10/2016 09:20

OP-what's the background behind these lifts? How did they start and why? When does the course end?

Original poster
GetOutMyCar · 26/10/2016 10:55

I took the coward's way out and just didn't go in yesterday or today. I'm full of cold so that's my excuse.

When I started the course I offered a lift to another woman who I already knew. I don't know this other woman at all really. She was sat behind us when I offered a lift to the woman I know and just kind of attached herself to me when it was time to go home. That's why I only ever give her a lift home.

OP posts: