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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if I knock these lifts on the head?

200 replies

GetOutMyCar · 24/10/2016 15:20

I started a course in September which is a 45 minute drive away from where I live. There are no direct transport links so it takes around 1-2 hours on public transport. There's a woman who lives near me who also goes and pretty much since we started I've been giving her a lift home.

Last week her DD moved to a nursery near the college so now I take a slight detour to pick her up on the way home. This wouldn't be a problem except she panders to her DD's hatred of the carseat and it's driving me up the bloody wall.

Every single time she goes to get in the front seat with her DD on her lap. Every time I tell her that no, that she has to be in the carseat. Her DD then screams her head off for the entire journey. Mum takes off her own seatbelt and kneels on the passenger seat to try and entertain her, to no avail. Today she was somewhat insistent that her DD sit in the front with her. I insisted she went in the seat. So mum sat in the back 'to keep her quiet'. 5 minutes after joining the motorway it all goes quiet in the back. She's only gone and taken her DD out of the seat and put her on her lap.

I'm bloody livid. AIBU to knock the lifts on the head even though it's going to leave her in a right mess?

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 24/10/2016 15:34

Stop the lifts. She is putting you in a totally insupportable position.

You must not take responsibility for this! The law will insist you are responsible in the event of any accident or incident. It simply is not worth your risk. Tell her no, she has already shown she is not acting responsibly/legally. So the lifts WILL STOP!

BiddyPop · 24/10/2016 15:34

Sorry, I should also have added that "and she needs to stay belted in every time she's in my car - I don't want to be the cause of serious avoidable injury if something happens."

Soubriquet · 24/10/2016 15:34

Yanbu

You are doing her a massive favour and she is taking the piss.

You are the one who will be fined if caught

Tell her you won't be doing it anymore and exactly why you won't be doing it

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 24/10/2016 15:39

Stop the lifts immediately. You are the one liable for transportin an unrestrained child, and she needs to grow a pair and accept the law is that her child is restrained.

OddBoots · 24/10/2016 15:39

YANBU, she has betrayed your trust and put you in the position of putting her child in danger. The lifts have to stop.

Lunar1 · 24/10/2016 15:40

Bloody hell, message her now, don't put yourself at risk for her stupidity.

mmgirish · 24/10/2016 15:43

That is terrible! You could get into trouble with the police I would imagine!

SquawkFish · 24/10/2016 15:44

You are not only being reasonable, you are being sensible.

Maybe it will be the wake up call the mother needs to realise how dangerous this is.

Or you could send her an image of the imprint of a child's head who hit the windscreen in a car accident because they weren't properly restrained. Maybe not, but this shit makes me livid. What a selfish cow.

DollyBarton · 24/10/2016 15:45

She should also be in trouble for putting her child at risk here.

PragmaticWench · 24/10/2016 15:46

Even without the car seat issue, how on earth are you managing to concentrate on driving safely with the child screaming the entire journey?

DD screamed (silent reflux) and it was awful for concentrating and being safe.

Jackie0 · 24/10/2016 15:46

She is one of life's takers and the selfish woman is literally endangering your life.

ComfortingKormaBalls · 24/10/2016 15:47

Hold on. Not only do you give this woman a lift, you detour and pick up her DD as well??? I'd have stopped at that point.

Giselaw · 24/10/2016 15:47

Text her ... I am legally obligated to ensure children are properly restrained in my vehicle, and I am still gobsmacked at the dangerous position you placed me in as the driver - never mind your child - when you took her out of the car seat while I drove last xxx. I cannot have you as a passenger in my vehicle again. Regards.

She's lucky you don't report her.

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/10/2016 15:49

Well you can see where the daughter gets it from.

Not worth risking your life in an accident. I've pulled over our car and refused to drive until fil put his seat belt on because he was sat behind Dh.

londonrach · 24/10/2016 15:51

No no and no. Not one more lift without the child in the back in a car seat. No car seat no lift end of story.

Stormtreader · 24/10/2016 15:52

Well at least now we know why the child screams - shes learned that if you do it long enough, you get to sit on mummys lap instead.

Missrubyring · 24/10/2016 15:55

Halloween Shock Wow YA SO NBU, as the driver the safety of all passengers is your responsibility.
What did you do when you saw she was out of the car seat??
I'd send a text along the lines of what Giselaw has put.

expatinscotland · 24/10/2016 15:56

No, no 'calm' chats. This person has NO respect for her child's safety or for you. You could face criminal charges if you get into an accident and that child is hurt or worse.

NO MORE LIFTS! I cannot believe you haven't gone spare, I'd have ended it RIGHT THERE.

No more chances, no feeling guilty about leaving her in a right mess, you could wind up in fucking jail because of her idiocy.

I'd contact her NOW and tell her, 'There will be no more lifts. Ever. What you are doing is against the law and I'm the one who could be fined or worse for it. So from now on you'll need to find alternate means of travel because I'm not putting myself at risk anymore.'

And that's it. I wouldn't feel in iota of guilt. None whatsoever. She's a total idiot who should be riding in a car.

AntiHop · 24/10/2016 15:56

You're also at risk. If there was an impact, an unrestrained passenger could cause harm to you.

Brankolium · 24/10/2016 15:56

"I know how hard and stressful you find forcing DD to travel in a car seat. However, you are putting me in a very unfair position by taking her out of the car seat. Not only is it dangerous for all of us to have her unrestrained, but if the Police were to see it would only be ME that would get in trouble."

And then, depending on how you feel, either:

"So I'm afraid giving you lifts doesn't work for me any more."

or

"If it happens again then I'm afraid I won't be able to offer you any more lifts".

ohfourfoxache · 24/10/2016 15:57

I feel sorry for her dc Sad

ChasedByBees · 24/10/2016 15:57

I would stop the lifts immediately. No debates. No second chances.

You've been doing her a massive favour and in return, she has put you in the position of endangering her child and acting illegally.

8misskitty8 · 24/10/2016 15:58

Gislaw text is good.
She's taking the piss op.
Out of interest how was she going to get her Dd home from nursery originally ? Or did she decide after you started giving her a lift home to put her into that particular nursery ?

Do not give this person a lift again, as pp have said it is you who would be liable if you get stopped or an accident.
Sorry to be blunt but if you had a crash and the child was killed due to not being restrained, how could you cope with that on your conscience ?

Text her now and then ignore.

Mumofttwins · 24/10/2016 16:00

YAabsolutelyNBU

Tell her that you're not able to offer the lifts any longer, as it's putting a huge risk to her bloody child.

WTF is wrong with that woman. Would she rather have a child screaming for a little while, or a seriously injured or worst still, no child?!

Zucker · 24/10/2016 16:01

The utter stupidity. The mind boggles what she thinks would happen if she was involved in a car crash. The bit about her kneeling on the passenger seat to face the child also WOW!

No more lifts for her.

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