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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think regifting is actually just plain cruel and heartless, let alone tight-wadding?

313 replies

dogsdieinhotcars · 23/10/2016 23:36

I mean, if someone has bought you a gift, and you rewrap it for someone else...how bloody rude and tight-fisted! I'm all for recycling, up cycling and all that shit, but honestly, how is this not just f***g rude?!

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 24/10/2016 08:43

Sorry lots of typos. Posting on phone. Blush

YelloDraw · 24/10/2016 08:45

How arrogant to think that you will always buy something that the gift receiver wants and likes!

Much better to regift so that things find a happy home.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:46

PS: No 12-year-old on earth keeps a copy of the Boots Xmas catalogue and looks longingly at the things inside.

You were not in Boots on the day it came out then! heaving and cooing as the stuff was being put out in the aisles. I wasn't implying they kept it for 5 years but they certainly seem to look to decide what they might want this year. Girls not boys!

m0therofdragons · 24/10/2016 08:47

Lists are great, if only dmil would follow them. I never wear red so I am unlikely to want a red scarf!

steff13 · 24/10/2016 08:49

Yo do understand that you were given a crap and thoughtless gift and by passing it on that you are then also giving a crap and thoughtless gift?

That's only true if the recipient doesn't like it. If someone buys you wine that you won't drink, but it's your sister's favorite wine, how is it crap and thoughtless to give it to her as a gift? I've only ever re-gifted if something wasn't my taste but I knew someone who would love it.

Rafflesway · 24/10/2016 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 08:52

I think the issue here seems to be that people think the "regifters" are rummaging through a box of junk and crap unwanted gifts to give to someone new.

This is not always the case.

I would ONLY re gift something that I think the receiver would want.

In fact, it's the original gifter that has chosen something unsuitable most times. If it's something like a 2-for-1 bath set, there's no way I'd regift, it'd be a charity shop run. But if it's something genuinely lovely but just doesn't suit me, but - and here's the key bit - someone I know would actually love it, I don't see anything wrong in giving it as a gift.

Side note: I was once given a half-used body shop moisturizer, had to have a laugh at that. Same woman got my DH a magifying glass, and as polite as he is, he was visibly confused. Her response? "It'll be good for looking in corners."

We still laugh about his corner-looking-habit Wink

TirednessIsComing · 24/10/2016 08:52

Yabu. I always get scented candles from my nan for Xmas and birthday. I love that she thoughtful and buys me a gift but she has memory issues and confusion and won't buy anything else despite my parents suggestion biscuits or chocolate.

I love the candles they look gorgeous but the snell veey strong and heavy scents make me I'll. My close friend love candles like this so I give as part of her birthday gift.

pictish · 24/10/2016 08:54

All this bollocks about if you know someone well enough and care enough about them. you'll get their gift right every time. What crap!
Well intentioned and loving people get gifts wrong all the time because taste is so very subjective...and the recipients aren't about to say, "Yeah I know I wear a lot of scarves, but this one's not to my liking." are they?

Get over yourselves.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:54

Much better to regift so that things find a happy home.

But they don't find a happy home- they circulate endlessly- because most of it is total crap- I think that is the point.

Look in the shops at all of the tat Christmas type gift sets. Have you honestly looked at any and thought- ooh I must spend £20 on that for myself- I cant wait another minute until I get my hands on those furry unicorn slippers or the Nando's dipping set.

Or my very worst. The £1 lynx deodorant (in an untrendy scent) put in a box with a £1 shower gel to make it a £5 but on 3 for 2 attractive gift for a teenage boy.

Imagine if you were given a can of sure deodorant by a distance auntie- what would you think? There would be a flood of threads- does she think that I smell? What can I have done to offend her? Has she got dementia?

But it is ok to do that to teenagers because it is in a gift box!

RhiWrites · 24/10/2016 08:57

Well a couple of people upthread have claimed teenagers are panting with enthusiasm over the Boots Xmas selection. I can't quite fathom that myself but people say there's a lid for every pot.

Peach9876 · 24/10/2016 08:58

If I got something I knew was very expensive and someone else I knew would love it but I didn't, I wouldn't have an issue regifting it.
But that hasn't happened to me yet. The most expensive present I have received that I didn't like was probably about £20.
I've received bottles of wine, smelly stuff and other similar generic things that people buy when they don't really know you. I tend to leave them somewhere visible (unless the gifter is expected over) and if anyone shows interest I offer them the present, saying why I can't/wont use it. If after a few weeks it's still sat there I have a think about who might like it, if no one comes to mind it goes to the charity shop.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:58

That's only true if the recipient doesn't like it. If someone buys you wine that you won't drink, but it's your sister's favorite wine, how is it crap and thoughtless to give it to her as a gift? I've only ever re-gifted if something wasn't my taste but I knew someone who would love it.

I dont disagree if you absolutely know that it is their favourite wine- as long as you know that it has been stored properly and isn't off.

ShotsFired · 24/10/2016 08:59

dogsdieinhotcars ...nieces and nephews (money wallet)...

So you are against regifting and find it cruel and heartless and only buy presents for people close to you and think lots about them.

And give them....money?

Oh wow I bet they are overwhelmed at the thoughtfulness and consideration that went into that.

(Maybe they go out and "regift" it into things they actually ant which you could have found out simply by, I dunno, asking them...?)

Wdigin2this · 24/10/2016 08:59

If you can't be absolutely sure, that the original gift giver will never see/find out/know the person you regiftec it to.....take it yo a charity shop in another town!

FurryLittleTwerp · 24/10/2016 09:01

I really believe it is the thought that counts - some of the nicest presents I have given & received have been the least expensive. Saying regifting is "tight" I think rather unfair.

I sometimes regift things, but now we're beyond the children's party stage of unwanted toys am more likely to just say to my mum/MIL/friend that I've been given something that isn't really "me" but thought they might like it - no obligation - rather than wrapping it up.

Trifleorbust · 24/10/2016 09:01

People saying 'It's the fault of the crap gift-giver' to start with sound so ungrateful! Many people are on a budget and can't afford expensive 'bespoke' gifts. The very fact that they thought enough of you to go to Boots and get you something is enough, in my opinion. I am grateful whenever someone gets me a present and I wouldn't dream of palming one off on someone else as if I bought it myself for them. Urgh.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 09:03

Well a couple of people upthread have claimed teenagers are panting with enthusiasm over the Boots Xmas selection. I can't quite fathom that myself but people say there's a lid for every pot.

That was me- and it was girls not boys. It was young girls. I don't think it was the whole selection! Pug tape measures and a bull dog mug?

I was trying to find suntan lotion which obviously no-one needs once it hits 1st September.

Astro55 · 24/10/2016 09:05

i never complain about unwanted unsuitable gifts - brought up to be grateful!

Corporate wine gifts are the norm - it's nice that DH is well thought of to receive a gift!

The fact it gets passed on is irrelevant!

pictish · 24/10/2016 09:06

"Look in the shops at all of the tat Christmas type gift sets. Have you honestly looked at any and thought- ooh I must spend £20 on that for myself- I cant wait another minute until I get my hands on those furry unicorn slippers or the Nando's dipping set."

I must agree with this. Stop buying 'gift sets' people! They are terrible.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 09:07

People saying 'It's the fault of the crap gift-giver' to start with sound so ungrateful! Many people are on a budget and can't afford expensive 'bespoke' gifts. The very fact that they thought enough of you to go to Boots and get you something is enough, in my opinion. I am grateful whenever someone gets me a present and I wouldn't dream of palming one off on someone else as if I bought it myself for them. Urgh.

A bespoke gift does not need to expensive That is the whole point. If you know someone well enough then they will love it that you spent £1 on their favourite chocolate. People that you know and love don't care how much you spend on them, they know that you have bought a gift with thought and love.

It is sad that you are in a cycle where you are buying gifts that you cant afford. It is consumerism gone mad.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 24/10/2016 09:07

How arrogant to think that you will always buy something that the gift receiver wants and likes!

Exactly.

OP do you demand people only buy you x,y or z then? That is extremely rude.

StarlingMurmuration · 24/10/2016 09:08

I've regifted some of DS's stuff - he got so much when he was born and for his first Xmas that we didn't have room for it all, and it's not like he noticed or cared. I wouldn't regift crappy presents though - only good stuff that I have no use for. And only to someone who doesn't know the original giver!

Trifleorbust · 24/10/2016 09:10

Whoops: So says every tight wad 😂

sueelleker · 24/10/2016 09:12

My aunt and uncle used to do this; up until my 20's,and married. They used to send things we'd never use (stainless steel wine goblets, glass avocado dishes (we don't eat avocados).I always said thank you, until the year we got a tartan toiet bag, with a gift tag from someone else inside! I sent the tag back with the thank you letter. That was the last present we got from them!