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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think regifting is actually just plain cruel and heartless, let alone tight-wadding?

313 replies

dogsdieinhotcars · 23/10/2016 23:36

I mean, if someone has bought you a gift, and you rewrap it for someone else...how bloody rude and tight-fisted! I'm all for recycling, up cycling and all that shit, but honestly, how is this not just f***g rude?!

OP posts:
PinkyOfPie · 24/10/2016 00:50

YABU

I abhor waste, if it's not something I can take back or feel comfortable giving back I re-gift. I hate chucking things in the bin, why do that when someone else can use it?

FWIW it's not like I'm re-gifting pandora bracelets and Cath Kidston handbags. It's usually a £5 bath bomb set one of DH's aunties has given me for a Christmas present that I'll only get a rash if I use.

allowlsthinkalot · 24/10/2016 00:53

Don't your children get invited to birthday parties or have such parties themselves? Where they receive four lemon clocks from different people? And an invitation necessitates buying for a child you don't know well. Can you afford to spend a fiver every time?? I can't.

My Christmas list is limited to our own dc, nieces and nephews. But there are occasions where gift recycling is just sensible.

allowlsthinkalot · 24/10/2016 00:54

And I prefer "careful" to "tight". Some of us have to be.

user1472419718 · 24/10/2016 07:21

Why would you not regift something? Better that someone else enjoy something than it sit at the back of a cupboard for years.

I have very sensitive skin, so almost all toiletries are a no-go. I don't like to tell people that I am unable to use their gift, so people assume I like them and I keep getting them!

Original poster
dogsdieinhotcars · 24/10/2016 07:28

From some of these replies on here it seems some just have to open a gift, bought for them, to wonder who it might be suitable for!!

OP posts:
LunaLoveg00d · 24/10/2016 07:35

I regularly re-gift presents which come our way and aren't our taste. The one and only time we had a whole class party for my daughter coincided with a board game promotion at the local supermarket and she got FOUR Junior Scrabble games. We kept one, and regifted the other three for subsequent parties (but the key is to keep a list and make sure you're not giving it back to whoever gave it to you).

I have been with DH for 20 odd years and his parents know me VERY well but still get it wrong. Their taste is very different to mine. Even if I am very specific and ask for "a pair of green slippers" she will find a pastel pair, with an embroidered kitten on them and lots of frou frou frills. She'd think they were gorgeous, I'd hate them.

I also don't see how giving stuff to charity shops is any different - I volunteer in a charity shop and we get loads of gift sets and other items which were obviously gifts and people didn't like. So they give them to us, and we sell them to other people to use as gifts. How is that OK but cutting out the charity is "heartless"?

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 07:37

So, what am I supposed to do with the giant slipper you put both feet into, designed as a neon pink owl? Or the perspex block with a dog inside (y'know those pin-pricked with a laser thingies?). Or a crocheted hat in a thick mustard wool. I don't wear hats.

send them to a charity shop so that someone who likes them might buy them. By recycling what is clearly thoughtless cary you are just perpetuating the cycle. They were probably re-gifting

Adults dont need loads of gifts. Only give to this you know well. Most people would rather have a £1 item carefully chosen than an £20 thoughtless gift bought in the sale for a generic someone or regifted tat.

Fairylea · 24/10/2016 07:39

We had one particularly bad year income wise where regifting was the only way anyone had any Christmas presents at all apart from the children who we had managed to save some money for. Everyone else got everyone else's presents shuffled about after we had been to visit them. Blush Sounds awful but we truly were in dire times and it got us through.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 07:42

You can offer the items not as gifts to friends and family, they can then say no if they dont want them.

I love it that all the people who get tatty thoughtless refitting are also thoughtless registered themselves.

Sadly somewhere at the bottom of this chain is usually a teenager for who gifts do matter and she gets some 5 year old boots 3 for 2 set that has been though 6 pairs of hands- and yes she knows that is years old and so wasn't bought for her- as she has the Christmas gift catalogue and looks at it.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 07:44

I love it that all the people who get tatty thoughtless refitting are also thoughtless registered themselves.

or

I love it that all the people who get tatty thoughtless regifting are also thoughtless regifters themselves.

Longtalljosie · 24/10/2016 07:46

I think it has to be done carefully. My great aunt used to have a cupboard where she would give things as re-gifts from. By the time they'd been in there to mature for a decade, they smelt very strongly of her house (not unpleasant, just distinctive) and were things like tarnished silver plate stuff etc.

For DD2's birthday we received two identical copies of an Orchard game. The other one will be regifted - whyever not? But not at the birthday party that's just coming up, or it will be obvious.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 24/10/2016 07:50

If I get a gift that I don't like or wouldn't use then I give it to a charity shop. If it's something that I think a freind would like then I will offer it to them before the charity shop and explain that it was a gift I won't use. I would never wrap it up and pretend I bought/chose it for them!

Rumtopf · 24/10/2016 07:52

What makes you think they're tatty and thoughtless?
I got a big Penhaligon's set from my sil earlier this year which is beautifully wrapped, unfortunately I can't use it due to excema and it would make my skin split open and blister. Therefore it will make a lovely gift for my sister who doesn't have silly, reactive skin like mine. She will love it and I've not wasted £80 or so of gift!

I think that regifting is fine if the person who originally gave the gift is unaware.

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 07:52

Every year my MIL gets me something I wouldn't use. This ranges from a mustard and purple tartan blanket (I actually run a business making my own blankets, so I have no shortage and those colors are just not "me"), a set of egg cups two years in a row(!) and a lovely scented candle which unfortunately contains oranges, which are a migraine trigger for me.

The scarf I'm afraid is not suitable for any of my pals, so will be going to charity, but I know that one of the sets of egg cups would go down really well with one of my neighbours, and the candle is gorgeous and would be happily received by a friend. Why should they go to waste?

Re gifting is only a unacceptable IMO if you re gift to someone who also won't want it (then it does become heartless). But if you won't use something and you know someone who will, I don't see the problem with wrapping it up and passing on.

Have you discovered something you have has been regifted it? I know I wouldn't mind but perhaps you would/did.

BombadierFritz · 24/10/2016 07:53

regifting is a really alien concept to me. it feels an insult to the giftgiver somehow, and like cheating on the giftee as you are pretending to have spent time and money on them
I thought everyone knew that unwanted gifts were to be given as raffle prizes? :)

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 07:54

*something you GAVE. Obviously!

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 24/10/2016 07:56

"cruel and heartless" as a reaction to someone getting rid of the shite you've bought them seems a tad OTT tbh.

Maybe if you discover your tat gets regifted a lot, it might be time to re-evaluate the sort of stuff you buy people.

I have got rid of my half-sis's presents to me and dd for years on end. Not re-gifted because I wouldn't want to inflict poundshop gift sets and teensy boob-tube style tops with sexual writing on (for a 9 yr old) on anyone.

Tanith · 24/10/2016 07:56

Giving an unwanted something to someone else, I have no problem with.

Wrapping it up and pretending to have bought it as a present seems dishonest and mean to me, unless you really do have financial difficulties. Trouble is, the only person I know who does this can well afford to buy a present and regifting is only a part of her general, overall meanness.

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 07:59

I kind of get your viewpoint BombadierFritz, but if the item is going to make them happy, does it matter you didn't spend anything on it? If I got a gift I loved and I felt was thoughtful, I wouldn't care if it were free to the giver or not! As for time, for the friend I'm considering giving the candle to, I'd have probably wandered round town for a while and then ended up back in Molton Brown picking her up a similar candle anyway as I know she appreciates the luxury and wouldn't spend money on it herself - the time/money is unimportant if the person loves the gift, I feel.

It's really interesting to hear he different views on this, though - especially as I'm an avid re gifter Blush

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 08:01

I should point out, I'd be really sad if MIL found out I was re gifting her gifts, as I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I always make sure that I don't give a gift to someone she would be in contact with, so am surprised that some of you on this thread KNOW someone who is a re gifter! I think the only person who knows I do that is my husband!

Yakitori · 24/10/2016 08:02

I would give it to a charity shop rather than re-gift. People should stop buying each other tat though. A few years ago a number of friends and family and I had a moratorium on buying one another presents and never resumed and it is the best thing we have done.

Caper86 · 24/10/2016 08:02

some people are crap at buying gifts, no matter who they're buying for.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 24/10/2016 08:03

Talk about smug op! Are you really that sure that your gifts aren't regifted? Just because they're bought with love?

I'm sure the teddy bear that DH bought me once was bought with love, but I really wish I could regift it.

Matchingbluesocks · 24/10/2016 08:03

I absolutely think it's tight. I just ant imagine thinking "it's Janes birthday right. Let's scratch round the house for something to wrap up for her. Ah this old ornament will do, don't like it anyway" WEIRD.

Ollycat · 24/10/2016 08:05

I think it's absolutely fine. When you give something to someone it becomes theirs and its up to them to do with it as they please.

To say regifting is wrong is a bit saying the gifter retains the right to dictate how the gift is used iyswim?

Gifts however should always be accepted with thanks. I have a friend who has frequently put in Facebook that she has returned all her shite X mas gifts and got herself something she likes which makes me a bit Shock - I think it's the public posting saying essentially "you all have me a load of tat" - especially as she is a friend who likes to be given things. BUT each to their own and once you have given something to someone it is theirs to do as they please.