AIBU to think regifting is actually just plain cruel and heartless, let alone tight-wadding?

[dogsdieinhotcars]

I mean, if someone has bought you a gift, and you rewrap it for someone else...how bloody rude and tight-fisted! I'm all for recycling, up cycling and all that shit, but honestly, how is this not just f***g rude?!

I don't get the issue with regifting.

In a world where the cost of living goes up and wages don't, money is tighter. Why not pass things on?

Cue OP's story of catching a regifter in 3....2....1....

There is way too much anger, resentment and bitterness for this to be a general pet hate.

I guess my question is, what does it matter to you? What would be the ideal solution if you are given a gift that isn't your taste? Even the most perceptive and thoughtful person can't get gifts right or prevent duplications 100% of the time. Would you rather they tell you so they can return it, or subtly pass it on to someone they know will like it? I have been given gifts that are not my taste or I already have, but I still appreciate the thoughtfulness and effort of the giver and write a prompt thank you note. Then I either think if I know someone that will like it, I pass it on to them or give it to the charity shop.

Because it's ungrateful. I think of it like this: if you wouldn't tell someone you were going to give away something they bought you because you don't want it, don't do it. I suspect most of the people advocating it would be mortified to be caught out!

I believe the quality of a gift sort of reflects on you as the giver, so I would never give anyone something that was awful. It would just be embarrassing.

If something is genuinely nice, but I already have it or it's just not my particular taste, I will regift. For example, I am not a fan of Emma Bridgewater - I find it naff - but loads and loads of people I know love her stuff. So if given one of her plates or mugs, I would regift it to someone who would appreciate it. I would assume the original giver meant it nicely, but just wasn't aware of my strong feelings on the subject of painted polka dots

If something really is crappy, I'd ask the charity shop if they thought they could sell it. If not, it would be binned.

It isn't cruel .... My brother and siste in law brought me some lovely bath oils for Christmas one year. Whilst lovely just not my cup of tea so we gave them to mil who loved them. As far as I'm concerned win win.

I think its sensible.

Whoops: So says every tight wad 😂

Me? Sadly I am not a tight-wad. I wouldn't mind if I was. I hate the waste of resources and the waste of money from people who really cant afford it. I have lived a lot in Asia and I find the amount of crap that we have in the UK overwhelming. (and it is the UK not most of the areas of the world or even the rest of Europe ) We value quantity over quality and so just churn stuff.

I tend to give gifts when they are needed rather than at certain times. (sometimes for close family when I see something that I know they will really like) . I don't think that I have ever bought a gift to stash away just in case a generic person might like it.

I grew up in the home of a hoarder (not of actual rubbish) just loads and loads of stuff. They had a walk in gift cupboard! Everything was bought because it was on offer or a bargain, never because someone might actually like it or want it. Just in case buying and recycling tat. I just hate it all.

On Boxing Day I like to go on eBay and type 'unwanted gift' into the search engine.

I buy a candle as an end of year gift for the teacher on the assumption that if they don't like it they can regift it. Once you give a gift it isn't yours. It is entirely belonging to the recipient who can do what they like.

OP - you sound like you have extremely strong feelings about this. Have you given handcrafted stuff that was rejected?

I am fine with regifting except on one occasion when the person in question gave me some white musk perfume that had clearly been sitting out for years and had gone off.... It was about 15 years ago and to this day I can't wear white musk from the body shop

I've regifted two presents so far this year, for the simple reason that both were scented with something I detest. I'd rather someone else's house (and body) reeked of vanilla than keep it in a cupboard forever, wafting out its evil stench every time I opened the door :)

Cruel and heartless to infinity

Is there nothing else going on in the world to get your knickers in a twist about?

Trifleorbust I have and would happily tell my nan I can't have scented candles. I've also told her not to buy for me because I don't want her spending money on me. However given she has memory issues, most likely dementia, then there's absolutely no point doing so.

I have to fake not feeling sick and open the package because it makes her so very happy to think she can still buy gifts. I'd rather not, makes my head spin, but for ten minutes I can smile and pretend I feel ok because it makes her happy.

Then they go straight into my friend's hamper, who loves them and refuses to accept free things of any kind. Last time I gave her extra chocs I had for free she hid a fiver in with my loo rolls!

Every single Christmas, without fail, MIL presents me with a massive Bayliss & Harding gift set, despite me telling her several times that it brings me out in a rash (I have sensitive skin and have to be careful what I use) and dries my skin out. It reached a point where I literally had a cupboard full of the stuff, which is a complete waste. None of the charity shops near me seem to want toiletries so I pass it on to friends who i think might like it. Would you rather I just threw it all in the bin OP?

Even the closest friends or family can get it 'wrong' but there's certainly nothing wrong with regifting. Obviously it'd be better if everyone loved every gift from each other but in reality that isn't always the case. If you're giving it away anyway- say, to a charity shop then why not just give it to a friend instead? it's not really any different. The friend doesn't need to know it was a regift and why should it matter if it is? It can still be a really personal gift. Many people don't buy each other 3for 2 at boots.

thign is if you buy somethign for a difficult to please person, usually a relative, what would you rather they did with it? stick it under the bed for ever? charity shop it, chuck it in the bin?

You get a gift you wont ever use. You know someone who loves that kind of thing. You give it to them for birthday/Xmas.

You dont have something gathering dust which will never be used
Your friend gets a gift that you KNOW she will love.
The present isnt wasted its being used.

= Win win for everyone.

Where is the cruelty and heartbreak in that?

dont charity shops take Smellies?

NoahVale not my locals. They won't take books either which I found very weird. They want clothing and brick a brac the latter of which to me is crap tat!

OP - you sound like you have extremely strong feelings about this. Have you given handcrafted stuff that was rejected?

God, handcrafted stuff is the worst. No-one wants it as a gift, honestly they don't, they are just being polite. By all means offer it to people at random times across the year but a jar of jam is never a suitable gift- even with a gingham ribbon. Josh Widdicombe did a hilarious thing about this live.

As is any gift with an obligation. Framed photos of other peoples children- why would I want them? but I cant bin them can I- so they have been in the cupboard for 20 years- frame went to the charity shop long ago.

Personalised calendars- the gift of the devil- even worse those personalised calendars of their pets. A work colleague once gave us all key rings of her children! We had never met her children, there wasn't a culture of gift giving. Why would you do that? Just why?

I think it is insensitive, frankly. If someone has bought you a gift and bought the wrapping paper and the gift tag and posted it or delivered it, the very least you can do is be appreciative.

I cannot believe someone would not show a real awareness that it is the thought that counts.

surely people appreciate home made jam? actually I have none but it seems like a lovely present to me

surely people appreciate home made jam? sad actually I have none but it seems like a lovely present to me

Jam is nice but if you were thinking of what you would really like as a gift would it be jam? Honestly?

I must have 20 jars of jam in my cupboard. Loads homemade- tbh most of it isn't very good jam. Its the trend isn't it so everyone make stuff- not everyone makes cakes or biscuits or jam that well.

Offer your jam to friends by all means. Those who want and/or need jam will be grateful but the chances of 20 relatives all wanting or appreciating an identical jar of jam is small.

I like homemade jams and so on, but only if they're good.
I have a relative that makes terrible, bitter, claggy marmalade and hands it out as a gift to family members. No one eats it because it's vile. It all ends up being thrown away which is a shame as she has gone to so much effort.

I have long suspected this lovely woman has something wrong with her taste buds actually, as she is an awful cook and baker, but is convinced that she's quite the chef and foodie. Love her to bits and would never enlighten her otherwise but it must be said that meals at her place are an ordeal.

i'd love homemade jam/cakes/chocolates (not homemade by any child other than my own though)

I don't undrstand this attitude at all. Get a gift you won't use? Then keep it forever, hording years of junk for no good reason! WHY? Passing it on to someone who would enjoy it or use it is cruel and heartless?

This is a bizarre attitude. And very unfriendly to the environment.