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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think regifting is actually just plain cruel and heartless, let alone tight-wadding?

313 replies

dogsdieinhotcars · 23/10/2016 23:36

I mean, if someone has bought you a gift, and you rewrap it for someone else...how bloody rude and tight-fisted! I'm all for recycling, up cycling and all that shit, but honestly, how is this not just f***g rude?!

OP posts:
KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 08:06

Haha matchingbluesocks that's an awful thought, hope people don't do that. If I get something that I know I won't use, I smile and say thank you and put it immediately in a drawer in my wardrobe to be given away later, either to charity or to someone I feel would use/love it. Tags still on, brand new. If for some reason it has arrived with no tags or damaged packaging, it will never get re gifted from me.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/10/2016 08:06

Cruel and heartless? Seriously? Total over reaction. You could argue that it is ungrateful but unless they are handing it over to another recipient in front of the original giver, even that is OTT.

You could also argue that getting someone a gift that they don't want/like is thoughtless.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/10/2016 08:07

Oh and in case nobody has mentioned it you can saying 'fucking' without the wanky asterisks Smile

NoahVale · 24/10/2016 08:08

save the unwanted gifts for tombola items.
or charity shops, they are full of new gifts

NoahVale · 24/10/2016 08:08

and in the meantime, buy your gifts new from charity shops. win win

Astro55 · 24/10/2016 08:09

DH gets very expensive bottle of plonk - every year - and we don't drink wine -

It gets regifted at dinner parties or friends birthdays -

Should we charity shop it?

Should be tell the giver it's not suitable?

How rude!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/10/2016 08:10

I don't regift, I put crap presents in drawers or cupboards then I get stressed about the amount of crap I have

blueturtle6 · 24/10/2016 08:10

Why not regift at next party, just say your little one loved her present so much you went and bought one for next Childs party?
I don't personally regift but some things go to the charity box.

blueturtle6 · 24/10/2016 08:12

Astro, my husband doesn't drink and he gets given wine as presents....luckily I appreciate them Blush

WantToRunAgain · 24/10/2016 08:13

I think the message that comes our time and again in this thread is cut back on who you buy gifts for in the first place!

The shops are now full of tat which will be exchanged between adults at Christmas - so much ££££££ wasted!

We also agreed to no adult presents some time ago - we buy for both sets of parents from the grandchildren but no friends or siblings, and when we do birthdays we tend to stick to vouchers.

As for regifting - nothing wrong with it!

MargaretCavendish · 24/10/2016 08:13

Sadly somewhere at the bottom of this chain is usually a teenager for who gifts do matter and she gets some 5 year old boots 3 for 2 set that has been though 6 pairs of hands- and yes she knows that is years old and so wasn't bought for her- as she has the Christmas gift catalogue and looks at it.

Well this is a very.. precise example, isn't it?! I don't think this exact scenario is happening on the scale you imagine!

BombadierFritz · 24/10/2016 08:16

KirstyinNorway i'd still give an unwanted gift to a friend if I thought they'd like it, but I wouldnt wrap it up or make out i'd bought it. other people have given me things that way too so I dont think its just me. in fact, thinking about it, I think family/friends do that quite a bit so its more the cultural norm for me than the wrapping up/pretending you bought it thing. maybe its just as bad, I dont know. "auntie flo bought me this but i've got one, do you fancy it?"

BombadierFritz · 24/10/2016 08:18

I did once regift as I forgot the teachers end of year present so had to raid the 'charity shop/raffle gift box collection'. I felt awful about it.

pictish · 24/10/2016 08:19

"I'm all for recycling, up cycling and all that shit"
Clearly not.

And cruel and heartless? Come now dear...I can think of many actions that are both, but regifting doesn't close to either.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:23

DH gets very expensive bottle of plonk - every year - and we don't drink wine - It gets regifted at dinner parties or friends birthdays - Should we charity shop it? Should be tell the giver it's not suitable? How rude!

Taking it to be drunk at an dinner where you are a guest is not regifting.

Giving someone a bottle of plonk as a personal gift actually does show that you don't care enough about them to bother to find out what kind of wine they like. So yes I think that it is rude and thoughtless regifting- sorry

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 08:24

BombadierFritz I guess that's more honest, and if that's what you're used to, it's a lovely culture to be part of Smile For me, I'd feel quite embarrassed if I was offered something for free and then someone bought me a present too (even if they were given at different times) - think I'd feel like I'd have to buy them a brilliant gift to make up for it!

I have a friend that ALWAYS goes overboard with gifts, and spends much more than she should on me (a separate issue, I know, but it makes me feel the same way). I'm sure that's more down to issues in my head than anything else, but I suppose it all boils down to whether you'd be happy to receive a regifted item if you knew about it (I would!) or not. If you would feel a bit miffed if you found out your gift wasn't bought specifically for you, then you shouldn't re gift yourself - sounds like that's why you wouldn't re gift, and why I would Smile

Trifleorbust · 24/10/2016 08:25

I think it's rude, unless you actually say to the other person, "I was given this and it isn't something I can use. Would you like it?" And it goes without saying that you buy their Christmas and birthday gifts yourself, you don't scrummage at the back of the cupboard under the stairs to see what SIL got you last year that you have never unwrapped Blush

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:30

Bombadierfizzi'd still give an unwanted gift to a friend if I thought they'd like it, but I wouldnt wrap it up or make out i'd bought it. other people have given me things that way too so I dont think its just me. in fact, thinking about it, I think family/friends do that quite a bit so its more the cultural norm for me than the wrapping up/pretending you bought it thing. maybe its just as bad, I dont know. "auntie flo bought me this but i've got one, do you fancy it?"

That is what I would do. If someone wants something that I have then they are very welcome to it- but I wouldn't wrap it up or give it in lieu of a gift.

We have a box in our dining room of stuff on its way out of the house.

One of my daughters friends comes and takes the toiletries given to my son each year. He says he doesn't care what he uses and any 'smelly shit' will do. My son is allergic to loads of stuff so never even tries it.

ChocolateWombat · 24/10/2016 08:33

The reality is quite simply, that however much thought we put into buying gifts, sometimes we do get things for people that they don't like or already have or won't use. It simply is reality.....and not the end of time world for either side.

Then the question is what to do with said item. You can pretend you love it and use it and get it out every time the giver comes round - somehow more deceitful, as well as daft than many other options. You can charity shop it - probably what people do if they can't think of anyone else who would like it. You can add it to a bag for giving to the school fete or to your present drawer for giving away.

There's another thread running, where the OP saw her present had been register to someone else. I think regifting should be done carefully, but as a principle is fine.....and is the most sensible thing to do with stuff you don't want etc.
I think there is a problem with regifting stuff that no one is likely to want - those things should go to the charity shop. So because you have received a gift you don't like, unless you really can think of someone else who would actually like it, don't regift it - this avoids the 5th hand beauty set that no one wanted then and no one wants 5 years later.
I have a drawer of gifts that I've been given and didn't want. Some of them are in there almost 10 years later because I can't think of someone to give them to - as DH says, if I did t want it, often no one will really want it - so I should get rid of it. This isn't always true, because sometimes you just know of X who would love it immediately you see it, but often that isn't the case unfortunately.

However, none of this is a big deal...its just a fact of present buying and giving. Be glad when you get something you like and don't be too bothered if you get something you don't like.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:33

DH gets very expensive bottle of plonk - every year - and we don't drink wine

Yo do understand that you were given a crap and thoughtless gift and by passing it on that you are then also giving a crap and thoughtless gift?

You cant complain about the gift that you got if you do exactly the same.

moreslackthanslick · 24/10/2016 08:34

I feel I'm re gifted all the time from my sil. "Celebrity" perfumes at Xmas all the time - straight to charity shop!!

She doesn't like me for some reason, never tried to get to know me and that's OK as I have enough friends but really wish she would give up on this pointless charade.

SheldonCRules · 24/10/2016 08:35

I keep unwanted items for the school tombola or charity shop. If I do give away to friends/family I don't wrap as as gift but simply state I have been bought X but it's not for me but knew they would like it.

Giving as an actual gift seems wrong somehow.

hannahpan · 24/10/2016 08:39

My mum and I have a running thing where at Christmas we give each other a regifted present in and amongst the ones we have bought. At the end of the day we have to guess which one was a hand me down. I've ended up with some really beautiful things this way.

There's nothing wrong with passing things along to others that you have no use for. I am in the upfront and honest, "so and so got me this but it doesn't fit/I've already got one" camp though.

whoopsagain · 24/10/2016 08:40

The fault lies in the generic gift drawer. If you cant be bothered enough to spend a few minutes buying a bespoke gift for someone then you should really ask why am I bothering to give a gift at all.

Buying crap in the sales because it may be useful for someone is also just as rubbish. As is getting every single male in your family the same gift.

Just agree to stop giving to people that you really don't care about. Those you do care about then you know what they will like and it may be a gift that costs very little.

RhiWrites · 24/10/2016 08:43

But if charity shopping unwanted gifts are okay then, OP, you must acknowledge there are some people who want this stuff enough to buy it.

And if that's so isn't it also possible you know someone in person who would live your fancy orange candle or whatever?

People at work went through a phase of getting me Dr Who stuff because they know I am geeky. Quite nice things but I don't watch Who so I register as wrapped presents to friends who were ecstatic over their Dr Who dalek operation game and wanted to know where I'd got it so they could buy one for a friend of theirs.

On the other hand the French press coffee maker went straight to the charity shop because everyone I know who likes coffee already has their chosen equipment for it. Although got extra safety I tend to choose charity shops in places my fiends don't visit like near my parents house.

PS: No 12-year-old on earth keeps a copy of the Boots Xmas catalogue and looks longingly at the things inside.