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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think regifting is actually just plain cruel and heartless, let alone tight-wadding?

313 replies

dogsdieinhotcars · 23/10/2016 23:36

I mean, if someone has bought you a gift, and you rewrap it for someone else...how bloody rude and tight-fisted! I'm all for recycling, up cycling and all that shit, but honestly, how is this not just f***g rude?!

OP posts:
PopFizz · 24/10/2016 19:16

Boots 3 for 2s are pretty old and tired and surely everyone has one of everything now?

I don't have anything against freebies as presents as such. But a shit bag from Avon, which had packaging saying free gift, was a point well made in my SILs case.

slenderisthenight · 24/10/2016 19:16

Once it's been given to you, it's yours. If you would like someone else to have it, that's up to you. You're still giving it to the other person as a gift. The fact that you haven't paid money is neither here nor there. It's all about the thought behind it.

Present giving is a farce most of the time anyway.

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/10/2016 19:21

If only ever could ban present giving altogether and have people actually go along with that.

3 for 2s

Face book shute

Regift

Would never be an issue again

Here's a thought...just come round. Have fun. We will share food and laughs ajd then go home.

And neither of us has to buy a skip

Matchingbluesocks · 24/10/2016 19:21

If someone gives you a 3 for 2 you can
Use it
Use it in your gym/ holiday bag
Give it to a friend
Throw it away

Apart from MN'ers, of course, because a high number of them will drop down dead if forced to apply body cream yeah right

Madmama10 · 24/10/2016 19:33

Surely if the giver really knew the recipient this wouldn't happen so it their fault not the recipient. The recipient is probably just making the best of a bad job. If the giver doesn't like it they should stop buying unsuitable gifts or gifts at all if they don't want to really make the effort. If the recipient has a problem maybe be more vociferous in your likes and dislikes in getting a more suitable gift.

PopsyDaisy2207 · 24/10/2016 20:53

Screw that. Christmas presents received from various in laws / grandparents, generally end up being wrapped and given to the other side the next year. And duplicated kids presents too.
One year I had a present I had bought for a friends little boy returned to me because he already it. I found that ruder than if they had wrapped it up and given it to someone else.

Original poster
dogsdieinhotcars · 24/10/2016 23:31

From this thread I see its 50/50 on regifting then. Still, it's not my thing for adults. Kids I get it. As many have said, consumerism society gone mad!
Anyway, I'm off to write my Christmas list, then going to charity shop tomorrow to buy it!

OP posts:
Craigie · 25/10/2016 18:06

There's nothing wrong with it.

neweymcnewname · 25/10/2016 18:57

Worse things happen in the world than a gift being passed on to someone who will appreciate it!

MsJuniper · 25/10/2016 19:06

Worra is a lollipop lady? Shock

...misses point of thread...

Lozzamas · 25/10/2016 19:09

I understand why people do it - but I can't and I don't want your regifted cast offs either.
I only generally buy presents for people I know well enough to ask what they would like... If I don't know then it's consumables - wine, champagne, chocs, flowers as appropriate. If I get (MiL) something I wouldn't utilise, and it's usually a regift - and you can so tell- then I give it to the charity shop I wouldn't pass it on again ... however appropriate for someone. I don't think unwanted gifts are meant to save me money getting the right gift for someone else, I find unwanted gifts are usually also unsuitable for anyone else I know, so charity benefits.

StarryIllusion · 25/10/2016 19:14

I wouldn't care. I mean if you regift it then I have saved you money buying a gift for whoever you give it to so either way you've had a present from me and this way you at least like it.

bonsgirl · 25/10/2016 19:18

If I get a gift that I dislike, I say thank you - it's the thought that counts and all that... but I would never even consider regifting it! I would be more inclined to keep hold of it until I found someone who would appreciate it, and give them it rather than use it as a present! I'd feel a bit tight fisted...

Rachel1665 · 25/10/2016 19:19

Donate them to a charity shop, like cancer research. That way the unwanted gifts would make money for a good cause.

leaveittothediva · 25/10/2016 19:19

I think if it's a very personal gift that someone thought you would like, then no, it's not nice. But I'd have absolutely no problem with wine, chocolates, impersonal stuff. What's the problem. I don't buy presents for people I know won't appreciate them. I refuse to, due to past experience.

Xmasbaby11 · 25/10/2016 19:21

I wouldn't consider regifting. I'm happy to give unwanted presents to charity, or pass on to friend but I wouldn't call it a present.

ScruffbagsRUs · 25/10/2016 19:24

I just give money these days or a gift card for Boots/Superdrug or something like that. It just means that the person can buy what they like/need rather than getting a gift they don't like/want/have a use for. I know it's a cop-out, but far better you buy something they can use, rather than something they can't/won't.

If I do buy something that the receiver can't do anything with, then I can't get worked up about them passing it on. It just means that it was my mistake for not asking them what they like and need to do that in future .

Sara107 · 25/10/2016 19:34

Absolutely fine to 'regift' or give away as long as it's done tactfully. Don't give it back to original giver, or somebody they know, and make sure it's a thoughtful gift for who you give it to. Not just 'oh I'll pass on this manky thing and that'll save me buying anything'!
If it's something major though, like a wedding gift I would be more inclined to hang onto it even if I'm not wild about it. In fact I have just charity shopped a vase and salad bowl given for my wedding 12 years ago. They've been in the cupboard and I felt bad about giving them away. The Forever Friends wedding bears were charity shopped after only a couple of years though!

ClaireB29 · 25/10/2016 19:35

Has anyone offered to take elQuinto's mustard woolly hat off her hands yet?! GrinWink I love hats, and mustard!! 😉

AnnieAutumnMouse · 25/10/2016 19:38

I'm happy with regifting, either stuff I've given, or stuff that has been given to me.
And as for home made gifts - I have spent today labelling 3 dozen pots of chutney and 2 dozen jars of jam as gifts, although most of those are for older people, who generally seem to really appreciate them. I'm also fairly sure they do eat the contents, as I usually get the empties returned a few months later.

Susieangel · 25/10/2016 19:47

Many pleasures. They have the pleasure of giving you the gift. You have the pleasure of receiving it. Then you have the pleasure of giving it to your favourite charity shop. They have the pleasure of receiving it. Then they have the pleasure of selling it and someone has the pleasure of buying it. There may even be further pleasure from gifting. And if you gift aid regularly to a particular charity shop you may have the pleasure of getting a thank you note from the charity. What's not to like?

suffolkblonde29 · 25/10/2016 19:57

I think cruel and heartless is a bit much...I'm always grateful for the thought when someone buys me a gift, but some presents I have to admit aren't to my taste and I just end up thinking 'oh no what am I going to do with this/where will I put this (in my tiny house)"

I'm also on mat leave at the moment and rather short of cash, so I don't need many of the presents I get (even if I like them) so keep them to give to other people. Seems a bit silly using nice things like perfume or make up on myself and then be struggling to afford presents for other people. Even if I don't use a present myself or give it to someone else I'm still grateful for the thought behind the original present.

Agree with other posters that we could all do with thinking a bit more and spending a bit less when it comes to presents - it's horrible the amount of unwanted presents that end up in people's cupboards every year (and the amount of debt on people's credit cards).

Meluzyna · 25/10/2016 20:01

if regifting is inappropriate - which it can be, discreetly giving it in to a charity shop would be my first choice

Has nobody yet told the story about the hideous vase given by an aunt the recipient didn't want to offend. After a couple of years she quietly gave the offending object to a charity shop..... only to have the aunt turn up at a later date bearing as a gift - the vase - so that she'd have a matching pair. Grin
I was given a gift box of smellies last week, but I'm another poster with sensitive skin and allergies, so yesterday they went to the food bank (which is also asks for toiletries) - they were a good brand so I hope they make the person who gets them happy.

We always made a point of reminding our kids before their birthday parties that if they were given a gift that was something they already had, then they were nevertheless to smile and thank the giver and that we would "sort it" afterwards.

GoBigOrange · 25/10/2016 20:01

Regifting is fine as long as it is done sensitively.

My former SIL giving her aunt a gift basket in front of me... a very unique and highly recognisable gift basket which I had carefully made up for SILs birthday a month earlier. And no, it wasn't tat in a basket, it was stuff I knew she liked. That is rude, twatty and yes, a bit cruel.

My mother's younger sister gives her a bottle of rum for Christmas every year - despite being told several times that my mother doesn't like rum. So my mum now just gives it to a friend of hers for his birthday in January - the friend loves rum and only my mum (well, and me) knows it is a regift. So that is fine - much better than my mum having approximately 25 bottles of rum stuck in the cupboard!

Serialweightwatcher · 25/10/2016 20:07

I've had to do this lots of times because we don't have much money and it helps a lot - most times it smellies which I don't need and I don't think it's being tight, but necessary - if I had lots of money I would buy generous gifts for people but I haven't.

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