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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding mistakes you made....

228 replies

ILiveForNachos · 23/10/2016 16:26

With the kitchen and bathroom threads it made me think of the the things people wouldn't do if they got married again (or things they would do if they had the chance again)......

OP posts:
Blackpoollassy · 25/10/2016 17:27

Booking a crooked bastard photographer. Always, always get a contract!

FromWalesWithLove · 25/10/2016 17:27

I would've got a friendlier photographer instead of a grumpy old fart who ruined the photos because he was bossy and miserable! He would've had a better career as an army sergeant I'm sure.
Also I think I got fooled into 'liking' the dress and fooled into buying it. Thinking back, it was the last one and they were trying to get rid of it and boy did they see me coming. 3 years on and I still won't look at the photos, I can't believe I wore it.
And last, I would've stayed sober! I don't remember much after 10pm!

cheekyfunkymonkey · 25/10/2016 17:30

I regret spending so much, regret not getting second hand dress, regret doing the 'meet and greet line'. I don't regret having home made cakes, doing own make up and hiring a bus for everyone.

Justwanttoweeinpeace · 25/10/2016 17:35

I forgot to try on loads and loads of dresses.

I love my dress very much but every time I walk past a store and there's a total fairytale dress in the window I kick myself.

I suppose I could pretend, but it wouldn't be the same.

Headofthehive55 · 25/10/2016 17:53

Had a slightly bigger do.
Had more input into the honeymoon. (We camped for part if it. And broke the tent)!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 25/10/2016 17:53

I regretted not booking a hairdresser (my hair was very short and I used to blowdry it myself). I didn't really want to look any different to how I normally do, but once I got my dress on I realised my hair did look scruffy. Luckily a relative who was a hairdresser was staying up the road was able to pop by and give it a quick blowdry. Doing my own make-up was fine though and I'm so glad I stuck to my guns about not wearing a veil or headdress, despite a friend trying to lend me hers.

We spent too much on flowers for the venue, it would have been just as nice with a simpler scheme.

Things we did get right:

Asked that no one took videos (best part of 20 years ago and only one or two had camcorders anyway). I would have felt so self-conscious with someone filming.

Had a recommended, professional photographer and formal pictures, good quality and minimum fuss on the day.

My bridesmaid was great, happy to talk things over when I was worried about the planning but no trying to coerce me into hen nights or extra fuss I didn't want.

frizzfactor · 25/10/2016 18:17

I'm a photographer. We are worth the money. I promise.

SeriouslySomething · 25/10/2016 18:21

My maid of honor and bridesmaid's. In fact inviting my maid of honor at all. She is the only negative thing in the whole day/lead up/ days after. WE never spoke again

DerelictMyBalls · 25/10/2016 18:22

My only regret is my choice of bridesmaid. She hardly talks to me any more. I wish I'd chosen someone more loyal.

We didn't have a photographer but all our pictures are lovely!

bikerlou · 25/10/2016 18:24

I wouldn't marry the arsehole I married. Don't get me started. What a massive mistake he was.
The wedding was lovely though, I made everything myself and my parents did all the food. It had to be under a grand but everyone said it was lovely.

BlueStockingUK · 25/10/2016 18:28

Would have got married earlier. The day flew by.
After 11 years and 150 guests, we are perhaps still in touch with 40/50.
In hindsight, a small intimate wedding & all the money spent on the day, saved instead for a longer, luxurious honeymoon.

HenBarrow · 25/10/2016 18:33

I wouldn't spend a year trying to please everyone else, while compromising all the time and being stressed out.

I wouldn't let myself get bullied into a big ceremony and full day again. I wanted small, intimate and low key. Ended up with opposite and a year worth of stress.

I wouldn't compromise on perfect. Dine for the one friend of my mums that put us over max numbers.

I wouldn't be persuaded by bridal shop that I 'had' to have a trail on my dress. As I suspected it ruined all my attempts to dance the ceilidh.

I would have paid more to ship my own hairdresser to the venue for the weekend rather than use unfamiliar local one (and use one with enough sense to switch my hair to an up-do when weather turned crap on the day).

I would have made list for my photographers if key photos/people. We had relaxed reportage style, excellent pics but they didn't manage to get pics of my children, the bridesmaids or best man...

Bertucci · 25/10/2016 18:34

I'd have had a trendy, reportage style photographer.

But we got married 20 years ago, and there was no such thing!

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 25/10/2016 18:36

Should have listened to DH and my DSDs and not invited one of DH's sisters - she was a complete bitch as everyone warned me - just seemed wrong not to invite a sister to a wedding...( his second marriage and she tried to stir it with everyone)
Otherwise was low key and lovely,

justatoe1 · 25/10/2016 18:39

Marrying a twat

RubbishMantra · 25/10/2016 18:45

Drove all night to Gretna Green to be told you need a marriage license same as everywhere else! Blush

We had a nice road trip and stayed the night in a lovely hotel though. Even though we knew the staff were quietly sniggering at the daft couple who'd believed the hype of just being able to turn up at Gretna Green and get married.

We got married a couple of months later.

useyourimagination · 25/10/2016 18:48

I would have brought it forward a couple of months. I knew my grandfather was ill but not how ill. He died later that year having been too unwell to attend but at least we got to show him the photos when we got back from our honeymoon.

ILoveDolly · 25/10/2016 18:48

I didn't want to 'waste money' on a video of the speeches. But my dad's speech was so wonderful. I would now pay any money to have that video. He was dying and passed on 3 months after my wedding. I was a bit of an awkward bugger in my 20s I had no idea how much I would miss him 😳

littleladybird14 · 25/10/2016 18:51

Choice of bridesmaids!! My sister was a perfect choice and I should of stopped there! I asked my two best friends at the time and wish I hadn't in hindsight! Spent a small fortune on them, taking them to wedding shoes and paying for their tickets, expensive dresses, shoes, hair... I stopped at make up and said they could pay if they wanted it done much to their disappointment! I bought expensive thank you gifts and was repayed a measly monetary gift towards our honeymoon by one bm (who I'd known since I was 5!) - I know it's not about the gifts but it felt so thoughtless and cheap from someone I was so close to! I spent more on her thank you gift and recieved more from friends who weren't as close. Finances weren't an issue for her as she splashes her cash and tells us constantly how well paid she is Hmm

7 years later and we've grown apart since I've had kids, just feel quite bitter looking back at pictures with them in it and wishing they weren't!!

TransformersRobotsInDaSky · 25/10/2016 18:51

I would have a smaller wedding. We invited 60 to the day and 110 to the night. I'd say about 2/3 of the day guests were the people we should have invited to a smaller wedding as they're the ones that 10 years later have supported out family and are still a significant part of it. The others, we invited because we felt we should and now with hindsight I can't really think why we bothered spending all that money on them.

YuckYuckEwwww · 25/10/2016 19:01

I regret getting my hair trimmed (just a slight trim & tidy) between my hair trial and actual day - my trimmed hair didn't hold the style as well.

I regret most of it actually, it was a lovely day, but I regret the money spent on it. I wouldn't do any of it again other than the marraige cert, the money spent on that one day could have been better spent on our lives together or savings.

Years down the line the wedding doesn't matter, our life together does. I wish we'ld just shoved that wedding money in an ISA or something.

SusanF11 · 25/10/2016 19:02

Letting my mum have her way over everything for the fear of upsetting her and her not coming to the wedding. As we had already lived together she was against me wearing white or "having a fuss".
We ended up only having a small wedding - 33 guests (elderly aunts and uncles on both sides and only a couple of friends) rather than a larger gathering of younger family members and friends.

My biggest regret by far was having my dress made - it was a the biggest nightmare/disaster!!!!! The list of what was wrong with it is endless - but when I didn't get it from the "dressmaker" until 4pm the day before the wedding I was left with no choice but wear the dress! If I could have worn my jeans I would have!!! And not a day goes by when I wish I had worn something else!!! I felt awful!!!
My wedding day was not the "happiest day of my life" - I didn't smile all day!!!! Thank god we didn't waste money on a photographer as I couldn't bring myself to look at any of the family photographs - they are just a remind of how hideous I was made to look!!!!

TipsyHasSmellyBreath · 25/10/2016 19:11

Mistakes my hubby and I agree we made with our wedding we're...
•Listening to other people who told us we should make a seating plan when we had a self service buffet meal
•Not having my mum more involved in the run up
•having a hen do when I really didn't want one
•inviting people who we've not seen since (family included, and it was 7 years ago!)
•not having microphones for the speeches.

Things I'm SO pleased we did and will recommend to anyone...
•having a fake bouquet (silk flowers from eBay)
•having a small croquembouche as our wedding cake that was dismantled and set out as part of the desert table
•having our first dance choreographed
•going back to the venue the next morning to clear up with a core group of really good friends and family, and all sitting down together and having brekky. One of our fave parts of the whole wedding!

muminmanchester · 25/10/2016 19:13

I wish I'd been bold enough to tell DH's friend to move when we were having a big group photo taken. He is plonked right behind me and DH, with a shining black eye, while our families are to the side. It's all I can see when I look at that photo, his stupid black eye in between my and DH's faces.

Second the point about no photo of just me and my mum. I really regret that.

80sMum · 25/10/2016 19:19

If I could do one thing differently it would be the photos. We only had a few taken, of immediate family. So we have no photos of the other guests and only one taken at the reception (of me and DH cutting the cake). If I did it again, I would have at least one photo of all the guests together and some informal ones of the reception - and a video would have been fun, but I didn't think to ask anyone to film it (would have needed to be Super 8 in those days).