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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding mistakes you made....

228 replies

ILiveForNachos · 23/10/2016 16:26

With the kitchen and bathroom threads it made me think of the the things people wouldn't do if they got married again (or things they would do if they had the chance again)......

OP posts:
Mylittlelights · 23/10/2016 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nickanickname · 23/10/2016 23:20

Not exactly wedding, but I regret taking my husband's name. It now feels very old fashioned and un feminist to me. DH agrees - if we did it again we would both change to a new surname.

More generally I regret spending so much money on the wedding, though I'm not sure exactly how we'd change that as I liked the venue and I'm happy with the number of people we invited.

RomanMum · 23/10/2016 23:27

Hire a better organist. A free-form Jazz version of The arrival of the queen of Sheba as we left the church was not what we had in mind.

Izzy82 · 23/10/2016 23:27

To not get our photographer on Groupon. Photos are shit. I dodnt think I wanted a photographer at the time, so got the cheapest deal I could find. If you want photos, get a decent photographer

wasonthelist · 23/10/2016 23:29

Getting married. Never doing that again.

BlackeyedSusan · 23/10/2016 23:46

not marrying ex would have been a start!

HerRoyalNotness · 23/10/2016 23:50

I would have told my friends my father had died the day before and that was why I was out of sorts and didn't enjoy myself. I couldn't get to the funeral (married abroad) and could have done with a massive binge on the town with them tbh.

Original poster
ILiveForNachos · 23/10/2016 23:57

Oh HerRoyalNotness Flowers

OP posts:
MyHipsHurt · 23/10/2016 23:58

My dad had died the previous year. I allowed my childhood abuser to walk me down the aisle...

CointreauVersial · 23/10/2016 23:59

I can't really think of any major mistakes we made. It was a fabulous day.

I wished we'd done a bit more research on DJs. He was pretty average. We didn't want to do the cliched "first dance" but he decided we should do one, put on some godawful smoochy track then announced us onto the dancefloor. I was not impressed.

Also, I wish DH hadn't chosen his lovely but hopeless friend as Best Man. He got drunk so quickly he completely failed to do any of the things he was tasked with. And during the course of the evening he lost his car keys, so was unable to take us to the airport for our honeymoon the following afternoon. We had to persuade a neighbour to drop us at the bus station. Angry

peachyyy · 24/10/2016 00:06

I wouldn't have a "top table". It felt very unnatural to sit looking out at everyone and I couldn't speak to anyone other than my husband and my dad. By that point in the day I was really tired and I think having a round table and the interaction and conversation that comes with it would have been a more enjoyable and got me through the slump.

Also I would make sure to tell the venue not to add any decorations of their own. I didn't think I would have to but because I specifically didn't say "please don't put fucking great big red feathers and scattered crystals on the tables in the drinks reception" they thought they would just take the initiative I guess... Hmm

purplefox · 24/10/2016 00:11

The getting married part, which I realised mid-reception.

Actual wedding issues:

  • too much food, for a 3pm wedding there was a 4 course meal, then a buffet, then bacon/sausage rolls all before 12am.
  • ex-Hs guests including a bunch of unruly kids who run riot, definitely no kids other than mine at any future wedding I may have
  • a shit photographer which came with the wedding package, thankfully I dont want the photos now as we're divorced as they were totally dire
  • disposable cameras on tables, ALL photos were shit and a complete waste of money, 2 cameras worth of those unruly kids photos - yay
  • wasting money on so much faff - guestbooks and the like
  • having bridesmaids I didnt want because they were ex-Hs family
  • having a huge, and expensive dress I didn't really like but ex-MIL and the bridesmaids I didn't want forced me into it
  • the location being 2 hours away from home
bloodyteenagers · 24/10/2016 00:28

Remember it's yours and the person who you are marrying day.
The in laws, and the family can suck it up and deal with it. If they want things a certain way, they can get married and have the day they want. So that's what I would change, I wasn't involved in anything really apart from handing over cash.

Stalk the dj's. Like photographers, there's crap dj's who consist of a dodgy playlist. It was bad enough when it was bedroom wannabe's with their decks. Now anyone with a laptop can call themselves a dj as long as they have a playlist. And why, oh why do they all think we want to listen to agadoo and ymca. I was very clear, I wanted r'n'b, soul, reggae. Instead I got ymca, agadoo, abba, culture club, and other naff songs.

Photographer. The person who did mine was a family member who is talented. However, they are really odd which I didn't realise until afterwards. Was quickly shown them, never got given a copy and I have asked, countless times.

Netflixandchill · 24/10/2016 00:32

I would have spent our life savings on flowers, I just wish I had loads more

PeachesAndCream1 · 24/10/2016 00:49

I regret marrying a closet gay man, in a registry office, not being given away by my dad.

Now that I'm with a beautiful man, he doesn't want to g

PeachesAndCream1 · 24/10/2016 00:51

Poop

Now that I'm with a beautiful man, he doesn't want to get married - so I've lost my chance to do it right

Angry
BasicMadeira · 24/10/2016 01:11

I would hire a photographer with an assistant so when the formal photos are taking place the assistant can take candid shots of friends and other family enjoying the champagne and being relaxed. I would also have got a more experienced photographer. Really likes him and loved our pics but an experienced eye would have been better. I would have kept a copy of my speech instead of throwing my notes in the bin.

Seren85 · 24/10/2016 01:20

I loved my wedding day but it WAS NOT the best day of my life, which I struggled with for the first year because I felt guilty. I wouldn't have got drunk the night before (nerves) so looked exhausted in the photos. I'd have smiled properly (hate my teeth but looking at the photos with DH looking like the Cheshire Cat and me not as happy as I actually felt). I wouldn't have a friend of a friend do the photos (an actual photog) because I hate a lot of them and guests got better. I would not be pressured into a "bridal" hair style that looks a bit stringy and odd as my hair doesn't hold a curl well. All that being said, we stuck to our guns with a lot of things and I'm happy about that. Plus I'm married to DH and that was really the only important bit.

MrEBear · 24/10/2016 05:12

I thought I would be nice and try to involve my MIL and SIL and build relationships with them. Gave SIL a bridesmaid role and took them both dress shopping but I really wish I hadn't bothered.

DH & I wish we'd said No to the table worth of friends of the inlaws that they insisted we invited, people who I have never seen before or since.

Loved my photos, a man and wife team who'd done a friends wedding a year earlier. Expensive but worth it.
Loved my round top table. The hotel suggested it. I took to the idea partly because I was dreading being "on show" the whole day and I felt it would be more social. ILs were firmly against it and called the hotel to ask them to and get me to change my mind!

Cockblocktopus · 24/10/2016 05:25

We eloped to fiji, got married on the beach with the local village choir singing. It was perfect, absolutely perfect.

I sometime wish I could have choppered in my family to watch the wedding. But it was so totally perfect and all about us that I'm mostly glad we didn't.

I would spent a lot longer on my dress. After an absolute fucking disaster with a fancy designer I ended up going to my local tailor about 48 hours before I was due to leave in tears, begging her to make me a simple frock in white.

It looked lovely but it wasn't perfect as we just didn't have enough time. I would also have worn the bra I wore for the wedding at the fitting as I hadn't realised that the bra I wanted to wear wouldn't fit properly under the dress.

camelfinger · 24/10/2016 05:46

I wish I'd given myself an extra minute before walking down the aisle. I'd pictured myself serenely gliding down the aisle, smiling at friends and family. Actually it felt very emotional and I avoided eye contact with anyone as I didn't want to be overcome by tears and ruin my makeup.
I also wasted far too much energy checking the weather forecast in the weeks leading up to the event.

deeedeee · 24/10/2016 08:02

The only thing would have been asking someone to film key parts . I decided against because I thought it would be overkill, but now 5 years on and when both my parents have died since, I crave to see their faces looking so happy and to hear there speeches again and again. It was one of the last times they were well and we were all together as a family. The few iPhone videos that friends took have them tantalisingly off camera.

Goingtobeawesome · 24/10/2016 08:24

Peachesandcream - you haven't lost your "chance to do it right." You have options. Your "beautiful man" isn't the only man in the world. If it makes you Angry then talk to him, give him the chance to decide if he loves you enough to give you what you want. If not then you can decide if you love him enough to stop being angry about it.

CoraPirbright · 24/10/2016 08:28

I would have ensured that the photographer stayed much longer. It would have been lovely to have more photos of people enjoying the evening part.

CoraPirbright · 24/10/2016 08:31

Oh and I would have stuck to my guns about having something other than a traditional wedding cake. I wanted something delicious like a chocolate cake (still iced to look like a trad wedding cake) but my mother was having none of it. Total waste of time - no one likes wedding cake and no one ate it (apart from my dad).