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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding mistakes you made....

228 replies

ILiveForNachos · 23/10/2016 16:26

With the kitchen and bathroom threads it made me think of the the things people wouldn't do if they got married again (or things they would do if they had the chance again)......

OP posts:
Chamonix1 · 24/10/2016 08:40

I would've eloped how we wanted to rather than planning the big wedding mil expected to avoid the hysteria. We still had hysteria so needn't have bothered.

nerdymum · 24/10/2016 09:07

We had a lovely photographer that took loads of "candid photos" so we look very natural and cheerful.

However, I wish I had done more research about hairdos. I trusted my loyal hairdresser but ended up with a style that aged me. Every time I look at the wedding pics I love the dress but I cringe a bit when I see the hair.

Also we hired a young florist who nailed the table decorations but made a HUGE bouquet for me. I had to support it on my arm like a newborn baby because it was so massive. It also clashed a bit with the dress as the flowers were very colorful but the dress was a retro v neck mermaid with golden embroidery all over it. Ditched it as soon as I got to the venue.

So please research be certain about which hairdos you want to try. Be open to suggestions but be true to your style. And do several tests if needed. Same for make up.

Also, ask to see a photo/drawing of the flowers and don't be afraid to comment on them.

ShoesieQ · 24/10/2016 09:08

Deeeedeeeeee Flowers

T0ldmywrath · 24/10/2016 09:27

Thank you for the link ILiveForNachos

OwlinaTree · 24/10/2016 09:30

My guestbook is filled with drawings of penises on EVERY page, courtesy of my delightful sil

Sorry that really made me laugh!

My only wedding regret is didn't really like my hair. The rest was awesome!

T0ldmywrath · 24/10/2016 09:31

Sad Deeeedeeeeee Flowers

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 24/10/2016 09:59

I would have had a better cake.

BarryTheKestrel · 24/10/2016 09:59

I wouldn't have had a friend as the photographer. Professional or not, she was lax because she thought she was 'doing a friend a favour'. Considering we paid the going rate I was very disappointed and still don't have all of the photos from the day 4 years later.

I also would have had different bridesmaids, the ones I chose were shit, didn't plan my hen night, didn't help out with anything, they just caused more stress.

And I would have pushed the guest book more. The lack of entries is sad given how many people were there.

KirstyinNorway · 24/10/2016 10:10

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I'll say it anyway -

Instead of putting a little box on the RSPV for guests to write in their "dietary requirements" I would have just written "please email [email protected] if you have any dietary requirements".

I feel this would have eliminated "trendy" dietary wants, rather than needs. Suddenly all my female secondary school friends who would eat an entire loaf of bread in the form room over one break time are now "gluten free".

I accept gluten intolerance is a thing (obviously) and can develop over time, but I suspect a lot of the special meals that we prepared were for people who did not necessarily fall into that category. Perhaps if they'd had to contact me by email, the ones who have made it a dietary choice would have thought about it a bit more.

We ended up paying for for 16 (out of the 45) meals to be gluten free (a small excess for "special" foods) and saw at least half of those folk having a nibble on the normal bread rolls that were presumably much tastier than the gluten-free alternative we had offered!

Of course given this is a tiny gripe and I'm aware how lucky I am to only have that one thing pop to my mind when asked what I would change - loved our day and obviously this didn't spoil it... Was just a lesson learned that I would pass on to a prospective bride, especially one on a budget as we were.

RaeSkywalker · 24/10/2016 19:59

As others have said, the only thing I'd change is making sure I got a photo with my Mum. Strange how so many of us didn't have them done. I think I just assumed it would happen and I wouldn't need to request it.

Asoiaf · 24/10/2016 20:08

Not to have invited a certain close family member who proceeded to ruin the day for me and my husband. I had to forgive her but it is very hard to have good memories of a day we put so much into :(

On a more practical note- definitely hire a professional photographer!

NancyJoan · 24/10/2016 20:18

I really, really wish I hadn't invited my dad. I hadn't seen him in about eight years, but felt I should have him there. We only had a short do, and I spent too much of it talking to him and his wife, instead of the people I love. No seen him since, that was in 2005.

So, my advice, invite the guests you want, but the ones you feel you ought to have.

Other than that, no regrets.

cariboo · 24/10/2016 20:24

Apart from marrying someone I shouldn't have (although I'm so glad I have the DC!), I regretted my wedding dress. It was a lovely dress but too low cut, or else I didn't have proper support. I felt a bit uncomfortable when dancing or bending. One of the guests (XH's friend) later commented how much he had enjoyed the view when I bent to sign the registry.Blush

Best to bend, twist, move when trying on dresses.

Goingtobeawesome · 25/10/2016 07:28

Caribo - you're not the one who should be Blush about that comment. What a twat.

Bertbops · 25/10/2016 07:52

13 years to the day since mine,have 2 regrets 1.Allowing mils mate to do photos,they are shocking!! My best photo was taken by a 13 year old with his Dad's digital camera.
2.Allowing myself to be bullied into nieces as bridesmaids,sil then moaned like hell about every single detail (she ended up buying stuff herself,as what I chose wasn't good enough for her girls) .
Spotting a link between in laws & getting own ways here-they are still the same,these days I say no more!

Heathen4Hire · 25/10/2016 10:27

I regret my mother shoehorning the family into formal poses for our amateur photos. WE wanted ppl to take their own pictures then email us the best ones. I wanted action shots, not lines of people looking bored. I find it very old fashioned and dull. Still, DM got her way.

Otherwise, we had a very informal fun day, which disregarded most traditions. We wanted to party.

LizardBreath · 25/10/2016 10:56

I'm probably one of the few saying wish we'd had MORE posed photos. We were v much of the opinion that we wanted relaxed pics of guests which we got and they're nice, but you can't put them on the wall!

Also wish I'd had the photographer I wanted. Booked one early on and slowly went off them but at that point we'd paid £1500 that we'd lose so stuck with them. Pics are 'fine' but not my style at all.

Also agree with having people I didn't know. Had a load of husbands 'old' friends at evening was fine with it at time, but hadn't spoke to them before, didn't speak to them on night and not spoke to them since-what was the point?!!

Wish I'd booked more time off work before hand. Only had day before and my work at the time was quite full on so the week before was super stressful!

Other than that it was ace!

AnnaleeP · 25/10/2016 16:09

This is a great thread!

We did two weddings - one on the friday at the registry office, just family and a big do on the saturday with a humanist ceremony.

  1. Should have paid for a photographer - the photos from the registry office were just ones from family and they're not very good. On the saturday a friend who brought his nice camera offered to do some photos of us, the family, ushers etc. They're lovely and most of them are displayed in the house. If it wasn't for his photos I think I'd have been really disappointed that we chose to save money that way.
  2. Hadn't thought to organise hair/makeup/a new dress for the friday, so I wore something I already had and I felt somewhat underdressed.
  3. We didn't bother hiring expensive cars but got taxis instead. Unfortunately there was a mix up that meant we were stranded at the venue and got to the reception about an hour after everyone else.
  4. My uncle had died the week before and my mum chose to come to my wedding instead of the funeral. Which I appreciated but she was really sad the whole day and later got horrendously drunk and created a scene (which is not unusual for her). Later on that night she phoned to say she wouldn't be coming to the do the next day as it was too much for her. She came anyway and it later transpired she didn't remember the phone call. She got hammered again and I had to persuade my dad and his partner to leave the reception early in order to make sure my mum got home ok.
  5. Wish I'd booked more time off. I started a new job not long before and when they asked about time off for things I'd already booked I panicked and only asked for a few days.
Heatherjayne1972 · 25/10/2016 16:17

Different groom .....

KarenLF · 25/10/2016 16:18

I'd have my wedding in a different venue - the hotel we had it in was lovely and quirky, just what we wanted....but looking back I just wish it had been a bit bigger.
I also wanted my photographer to take a massive group photo and we all had to squeeze onto this staircase - some peoples faces in the photo are hilarious.
My husband and I are not a fan of cakes so we had a Cheese cake - massive wheel of cheddar on the bottom, medium wheel of brie in the middle then blue on top - so many people bitched and moaned and said we should have a proper cake but we stuck to our guns and it was very popular on the night!

passthegin321 · 25/10/2016 17:07

probably not drank quote so much! 🙈

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 25/10/2016 17:18

Bought my dress too soon under undue influence from my mother. Should have waited and looked at a lot more.

Mistoffelees · 25/10/2016 17:21

I should have tried on loads of different styles of wedding dress just for the fun of it, instead I got stressed on one particular style until I found the one I wanted.
Should have had a posed photo with both sets of grandparents and not spent so long off having our own photos although that was a really lovely part of the day.
Should have paid for a videographer, had a friend of a friend do it as we only wanted the ceromony and speeches really and his camera malfunctioned so he didn't manage to film the ceremony Sad also the film he made for us is lovely but more of a trailer, hoping to get all the original footage off him soon... Nearly 2 years on!

Other than that I'd do it all over again exactly the same.

Mirandawest · 25/10/2016 17:24

First wedding - married the wrong person but that's all done with now. Probably did some things because they were what my mum and dad wanted but they were paying for it all.

Second time can't think of anything I do regret. Was a lovely happy day, 40 guests, things were how we both wanted and I loved it Smile

TattyDevine · 25/10/2016 17:26

Not a biggie but my balloon man fucked up. I wanted the table numbers depicted on balloons of the colour scheme. He left it to the last minute and could only find numbered balloons out of scheme. Ugly coloured ones. If he'd just said I'd have found another way to number the tables. He'd already been paid, so I had to take them down and feel ripped off (but dissed him all over the internet)